A poem depicting perhaps an everyday life scene. I loved the flow and it's lucidity. The last para was powerful, especially the first line of it. I liked it most. One suggestion, I thought one more para bringing out more reasons for the young soul to love her man even among adversities might prove good. This can even be a naïve one from the girl. I was really driven by the simplicity of the theme and the apt narration. Happy writing, hope to see more.
Well, quite an effort, I must say. I liked the rhyming, it's flow was subtle. The theme was contemporary and apt. Thumbs up for that too. The title is powerful. Small things you may revisit to make this piece more lucid. The last paragraph depicts the eventuality of a Hashtag age, and I believe you can make it even more appealing. The last two lines for instance could have been more bold and prompt to give a photo finish. Overall a good poem, and I would definitely love to see more from you. Happy writing.
Well, a very apt and prompt thought shared here I must say. Brevity and clarity are mention worthy. Moreover ,it seems you want to avoid hypocrisy as everybody wants to get seen is the buzz and although there are people who might try to hide it with extra cautious activities, there is no denial to it. Everyone wants to be in the limelight at these times. Well written, with only one typo error I believe in the fourth line , 'Senn' should be 'Seen'. Pls correct it. I also liked the similie with stars as they are all great in themselves, but as we don't have a name for all, not all of them are famous and thus struggling hard to outshine others to get human attention and thereby a name, quite similar to humans. A good reading experience. Loved it!
A very unique creation without doubt. Even the commonplace concept achieves heights by the way of presentation. The Pencil gets personified, it dances on the floor...I really liked that part. Every creation in its own sense is a variety of dance itself. Very much for this poem too. The dance is in tune to the melody mentioned at the onset. It is not haywire, it is controlled and thus creative. A good poem to review, I liked its brevity with precision.
Honestly...a good poem. I liked the tempo as well as the hidden thoughts that some stanzas instill.
A blood red center
from dark to light
a color none better
compliments white
Some stanzas could' ve been more brightened up although.
With golden petals
that shine like the sun
warmth that melts metals
ripe with compassion
Although if the colour of gold symbolises something more, I might be wrong about that.
And I also love the way the poem turned....If it depicts a woman, even better. Especially the last two stanzas. Punctuations are important, you may start putting them, as they'll put more weight on your words and depth to your sentences. A good work to review.
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