Very vivid. Excellent metaphors, very illustrating. One line is a bit awkward and should be reworked i would think. "For I will may not be accepted."
Just read strangely, otherwise I like the poem. Reminds me of some serious teenage angst. : ) One thing that's curious: How is the veil an addiction? What's the pleasing effect that makes you addicted? I see all of the negative aspects, but there's not really any positive points to support your addiction statement. Unless you mean that the looks, attitude, and friends are the positive gifts of the veil. Anyways, I do like it. Great work. Thanks for sharing. Cheers
Shaun McKinnon
Fantastic idea for a story. Would love to see an extended work. Has a great premise. Reminds me a bit of AI, that movie from the early 2000's. Was a good flick. I'd definitely recommend developing the character more, and getting into a larger story. Good luck on the contest. I hope you win. Cheers.
Shaun McKinnon
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