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Review by Sil
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.5)

Hello Magoo!

I am offering this as a requested return review. First, I wanted to say thank you for pointing me to this poem. It was very helpful. Next, I wanted to say I found the subject matter fresh. I haven't read much poetry of this type/topic and I found it very interesting. I especially loved the irony.

I thought the rhymes were easy and unforced. None of the words felt out of place. I think the rhyme helped strengthen the rhythm and the feel of the poem.

I liked the message as well. It was easy to follow, and clear to the average reader. I thought it was a very fun poem.

The poem reads well out loud.

I had to read the poem 4 times before I found anything that stood out as something to think about or mention. The first line "the people were horrified" made me stop and think several times. What people are we talking about? If they are residents of pluto/other planets, would be they 'people'? If they are Plutonians, (instead of the complete population of all planets) what would happen if you said Plutonians instead?

In any case - thank you for sharing this with me!

Keep writing!

Sil
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Review of Canada Geese  
Review by Sil
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Rikki!

I came back to visit your port and found this fun poem - Canada Geese. I see that you wrote it for the Journey through the Genres contest - I hope you do very well.

First, I wanted to say that I enjoyed the story this poem told. I also liked the rhyme, I thought you handled that really well. I really admire someone that can do rhymes that are easy and unforced. I never seem to manage that myself.

There are so many places this made me smile. After some serious deliberation I decided this was my favorite line: "This thieving, feathered bunch."

If I had to suggest something for improvement, I wondered if the poem might flow a bit more easily the stanzas were single spaced. Of course, the contest rules prohibit any changes until after the judging - so I hesitated to even mention this for fear that you might agree and change something. But - I thought if I reminded you about the rule, maybe it would be okay to still go ahead and let you know.

Good luck on the contest!

Best wishes and write on!

Sil
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Review of My Plague  
Review by Sil
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello!

I am offering this as a return review. I greatly enjoyed your short poem, "The Plague." I love topics about writing, and love poetry, so this was an easy one to enjoy!

I liked the feel of this poem. Somehow, without the poem stating it, I could see a setting. I was able to picture a person (I saw a man) alone at a table, preparing to write.

I enjoyed the rhyme and the rhythm of the piece - my favorite stanza/lines were the last ones. This somehow reinforced the imaginary room I saw (like a cabin) and put the man in a rocking chair, patiently rocking and waiting 'out' the block.

If I had to suggest something for improvement, this line made me wonder, and hesitate before I moved on:

"But soon my words
Will be placed there."

Will words be placed there if indeed the writer has writer's block? Or is the expectation of the words part of the problem?

It's not a bad line at all, I just wanted to mention that it made me pause. I know I like to know what makes a reader hesitate, and that is the only reason I mention it here.

Finally - I liked how this poem was very easy to read and I enjoyed the flow. I enjoyed the relaxed of it. Even the rhythm enhanced the rocking image :)

Thank you again for the enjoyable read!

Best wishes,

Sil
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Review of New Beginnings  
Review by Sil
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Rikki, and welcome to WDC!

I am offering this review of "New Beginnings" as a return review.

I sincerely appreciated this look at out with the old and in with the new. My favorite lines were "did bring the building to its knees" and the "in its place we planted laughter to let the children play."

I like the knee and plant reference. I enjoyed the strong imagery in the piece - nicely done.

I liked the motion of the stanzas, reflecting the movement of the boom.

The rhyme structure was so easy and unforced that I almost didn't notice there was one. I admire that - I'm so horrible with rhymes.

If I had to suggest something for improvement, perhaps 'to let the children play' could use another look. It's probably fine the way it is but it made me pause just a moment.

I'm always sad when old buildings come down, but this made me think of it in a new way. Very good job. Keep writing!

Best wishes!

Sil
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Review by Sil
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello!

This is a return review, and one I am glad to offer. I greatly enjoyed your prose piece, "All is Quiet on the Home Front."

This piece resonated with me. I have recently read one of Yellow Rose's letters to a solider, and I am reviewing this piece on the heels of hers, and thinking how it all ties together, all of us wishing for a safe return for our loved ones, and for those serving that we don't know.

This was a very interesting look at the home, now that all the children have left the nest. I liked how you showed the very nature of the son in the variety of the music on the piano. I liked the contrast, boy playing piano, and moving to be a soldier, all grown up.

I responded emotionally to the mother's heart, opened in this piece. With that said, the author showed good distance and didn't make the piece overtly emotional or overly done. Nicely handled.

I enjoyed the details, like the chocolate, and the piano bench, and the unmade bed, and the hair cut. They gave this piece a lot of personality and let the reader into the home, and welcomed us to the hearth, and let us get to know the people who lived there.

If I had to suggest something for improvement, I think perhaps removing one or two of the types of music might not hurt, and might strengthen the piece. Perhaps a contrast "classical to Charlie Brown's music" or something similar might show the range without slowing it down. Maybe also the same when listing the items left on the bedroom floor. Either way is fine, I just thought I would offer the thought.

Perhaps another look at this sentence would be helpful "The dogs were napping on favorite cushions or the rug, oblivious thus far to the quiet that is settling on our home." I just wondered a tiny bit about 'were napping..is settling." Would it be helpful to match these? Maybe like - The dogs are napping, oblivious to the quiet settling on our home? Or Dogs were napping oblivious...quiet was settling.

My last question involved how many sons, and if they all had joined the military.

I hope this review is helpful. Thank you so much again for sharing and letting me into your written home!

Best wishes,

Sil
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Review by Sil
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Yellow Rose!

I am reviewing "Another Night" as a return review.

First, let me say that I appreciate this piece. I could feel the heartfelt sincerity in the letter. I am sure that any soldier reading it would be feel the same. I responded emotionally to this piece. It sounded like a cross between a letter and a prayer. I enjoyed the feel of it.

I thought the piece had a great hook, and I was uncertain at first if this was going to be a romantic piece or just a general letter to any soldier, it had a romantic feel to it.

I wondered while I read this if you have a personal connection to a solider, or if it just something near and dear to your heart. Or if perhaps you were involved with a project to send letters to soldiers. In any case, I really appreciated your thoughts.

If I had to suggest something for improvement, I found these two lines made me hesitate a little bit:

"From time to time we see some of you coming home and how your families wait at the airport to celebrate.
The long wait is over for them but if you are receiving this, your time must feel like an eternity."

I wonder if there might be a way to improve the flow by revising those two lines.

I also wondered what would happen if you took the "us" out of the piece. It sort of made me think there was a line drawn that I don't think you want there. ("us" vs. "them"). It makes the letter sound more grammatically correct, but if it were poetry, and/or prose, I think it would be ok.

Does that make sense?

For example:

My thoughts are rich with admiration for all the sacrifices you make for us.

Removing the 'for us' makes the line end with the psychological emphasis on the solider. Either way is fine, it just occurred to me so I thought I would mention it.

Thank you so much for letting me share in this letter.

I echo your feelings, I hope our soldiers all make it home. My prayers are with yours.

Best wishes,


Sil
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Review of Epiphany  
Review by Sil
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Fyndorian,

I am reviewing your piece "Epiphany" as part of your Rocking PDG gift.

First, I wanted to say that it was pretty hard to choose something from the poetry section of your port. I greatly enjoyed the time I spent reading your selections.

I chose this poem for a couple different reasons. First, it's a fairly new piece with fewer ratings, and secondly, the message greatly appealed to me.

The Title: The title "Epiphany" was perfect for the piece.

Overall impressions:

I felt this piece was wonderfully done. I enjoyed the conversational tone, and felt this poem was very welcoming. I appreciate something I call 'accessible poetry' and this poem seemed to fit that style.

This poem had a very philosophical feel to it, and also a reverence, with a nod toward fate or a higher power directing the things that happen in our life. I appreciated the positive message in this poem.

I also wanted to mention that I could feel the voice in this poem, but it wasn't oppressive, it was just there, a unique personality shining through..

In addition, though this poem was about an emotional subject, the poet shows reasonable distance and as a result, the poem is not drippy or sappy at all.

Detail:

I felt an immediate kinship with the first stanza, and it made me smile. I can easily relate to the message. I enjoyed the 'flashing light' imagery.

I thought it was very interesting how the first stanza was 'you' based and the second stanza was 'I' based.

In the second stanza, I in particular enjoyed the rhythm and rhyme. I was wondering why leaping and growing wings while leaping and the Robin were used. There seemed to be a very deliberate way that the words were placed in this order. Was there specific significance in these things?

It was definitely a tool of interesting imagery. I 'saw' a woman leaping like a ballerina might leap, and in the process, growing wings and becoming a bird.

In the second stanza I felt like there might be a reference I was missing to another work. It felt familiar for some reason, so I thought I would ask.

My favorite part of this poem were these lines:

in the 'all things for a reason' vein
bleeding into another
which shall grow from salt watered tears

I also enjoyed the phoenix feel of the second stanza, and the message that out of unexpected disasters, new things become possible.

I was wondering what was the inspiration for this piece, if you care to share?

I looked really long and hard to suggest something for improvement, and I only come up with a really weak suggestion that maybe the last line could use another look. In particular "it is time I fly." Again, I was really searching here. This is the only thing I saw that even slightly seemed like it could use another look.

Thank you for sharing this piece. I greatly enjoyed it.

Best wishes,

Sil

You've just received a Rockin PDG Gift Station Review!
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Review of Haunted  
Review by Sil
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hello London Rush,

I am reviewing "Haunted" as part of your PDG gift package.

First, let me say I am a huge fan of free verse poetry. This was a wonderful piece and I greatly enjoyed reading it.

I really like how the emotion was handled in the poem. I was able to touch and feel the emotion, and relate to it, without being overwhelmed or smothered by it.

The subject of the piece was very easy for me to draw in as a personal experience. I'm not sure I can explain this part very well.

Everyone has a past love, the one that got away, regrets, and memories. However, even with the shared experience, you described it in a unique and refreshing way, yet still left room for the reader to identify with (put themselves in the piece). Nicely done.

The first two lines were a great hook. They grabbed me and pulled me in right away. Outstanding job.

The first ten lines were my favorite.

I really liked the treading water reference, and the burning arms.

In the next part, I also like how you described how the letters smelled. The memory for me was immediate, and the feel of the ink impression on the page rose with the smell, making this a rich experience. What a great way to infuse the poem with senses.

I also thought this piece had an interesting rhythm.

If I had to suggest something for improvement - there are a couple of places I thought the piece might be enhanced with added punctuation. I caught myself wondering where I was to pause, stop, and what began a new thought.

Best wishes, and please, write on!

Sil

You've just received a Rockin PDG Gift Station Review!
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Review of The Forgotten  
Review by Sil
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)

Hello Tee!

I just wanted to say that I really enjoyed your short story, "The Forgotten" written for the writer's cramp, Dec 28th, 2011.

I felt that as a reader, I got to know Billy and the narrator's family. I was able to identify with both Billy and the narrator emotionally. I greatly enjoyed the narrator's voice.

The story contained a solid introduction, smooth transitions, a well developed arc, and a very strong conclusion.

I thought the personal detail about Billy's freckles added to the personality of the story.

If I had to suggest something for improvement, I thought perhaps the last paragraph could have used another line or two.

Thank you for sharing your story, and please, write on!

Sil
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Review by Sil
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (3.5)

Hello Creek!

This is a review of "My Grasshopper in Summer" is for your PDG gift station package.

First, I wanted to say I enjoyed your poem. It had a very real to it. I felt that I was allowed into a family and allowed to get to know the people in it. The boy who is the subject of the poem sounds very charming. That comes through very clearly in your writing.

I really enjoyed the cultural feel of the poem. It was written in a way that allows the generational and cultural differences to shine through. I think every parent can relate to the tension (we love our children, but they can be so frustrating sometimes) aptly described in this piece.

If I had to suggest something for improvement, I wondered about some punctuation and capitalization:

"To be at the top levels! How troublesome !"

Was there a reason for the capitalization of To and the space after troublesome? This is one example of places I wondered about. There are also many exclamation marks. Perhaps their impact might be enhanced if there were fewer of them? I wasn't sure about this, I thought perhaps this might be a part of the form, and intentional, for I'm not familiar with all forms of poetry.

I also didn't know about the "!Fetching them what they need"

I appreciated the definition of "Aththa." What is the origin of that word?

Best wishes, and write on! Happy Holidays,

Sil

You've just received a Rockin PDG Gift Station Review!
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Review of The Window  
Review by Sil
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)

Hello William!

I found your piece on the "Read a Newbie" list, and I'm very glad I did.

First, I wanted to say this piece was very heartfelt, I could feel the love in it. Next,
I greatly enjoyed the metaphor, it was strong and well developed. Finally, I felt the imagery was very nicely written - it was well balanced, and not overly done.

If I had to suggest something for improvement, perhaps the first paragraph could use a little bit of revision:

"...There are other stained glasses, sure, but none of them are quite like you. There’s something different about the way you shine that catches people’s eyes."

Here something about the plural bothered me. I wondered if it might sound better if if were specified like this: "There are other stained glass windows, sure..."

or "There are other pieces of stained glass, sure..."

I also wondered a bit about foundation being plural in the second paragraph.

What a great start!

Please keep going. I'd love to see more on your port.

Please let me know if I can help you in any way. Sometimes at first it can be hard to find your way around, and I'd be happy to help in any way I can.

Best wishes, and welcome to WDC!

Sil
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Review of In death  
Review by Sil
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)

Hello Breannan!

I found this poem on the 'noticing newbies' page and wanted to let you know I really enjoyed it.

First, I was anxious to check out your biography so I could write a review in context. I try to write reviews based on what is known about the writer (i.e., how much writing experience they have). I see the biography or the bio block as sort of a 'meet the author' paragraph one might find on the inside back cover of a paperback book. I always find those details interesting. I see you haven't filled yours out yet, so I'll try to tailor my review in a generic way that might fit a broad spectrum of experience levels.

On to your poem!

I loved the theme. I thought it reached several things near and dear to my heart.

First, that poets want to express things in a unique way - and second, that poetry serves as an opportunity for our words to be immortalized.

I'm going to reprint your poem here so I might comment on individual lines. I've broken it up into lines of 4 to better address them in an organized manner, I know you didn't write them that way:

If I were to die tomorrow,
to expire, depart, croak
I would like my words to carry on,
become eternal

The first line was great - it immediately hooked me.

I wondered here if the 2nd and 4th lines were necessary. What would happen if they were removed?

Let my voice be timeless in the words I spew forth
Should I be remembered for who I am,
who I truly am, not this facade I project,
it would be a tragedy

Here I hesitated on the word 'spew.' The word spew seems to have a negative connotation. I wonder if there is a more positive word that might fit with what the poet is trying to communicate? Would someone want to immortalize 'spewed' words?

Also - there seems to be a bit of confusion - "Should I be remembered for who I am, who I truly am, not this facade I project, it would be a tragedy"

I think this means that the author wants to be remembered for who they are in heart, and through poetry - not who the reader (or others) see them as (facade). Maybe there is a way to restate this so that it is clearer?

Perhaps "Should be remembered for this facade I project, not who I am, who I truly am, it would be a tragedy" or some other reworking in your own voice.

Let me be remembered as a poet,
as a creator of whimsical ideas
of beauty within the pages.
Remember me not, outside these crisp clean pages,

Absolutely LOVE this stanza. My favorite line in this whole poem is "Remember me not, outside these crisp clean pages,"

I did wonder a bit about using pages twice in such short stanza. Someone once told me you only get one chance with a word in a poem - every time you use the word (after the first time) it has a lessened impact. I wonder if you could replace one of the "pages" with another related word, instead of paper, or even another way to describe writing, like 'line'?

forget who I am,
I create an illusion I can not live up to,
in death I shall be remembered,
as beautiful.

This is my second favorite stanza. Very nicely done!

I hope you keep working on this piece. I'd love to see where it winds up.

Thank you for sharing it,

Best wishes,

Silonch
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Review of A Dog's Life  
Review by Sil
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Liam!

I am offering this as a return review. I am new to writing, so please keep that in mind when you read my comments.

I like to comment directly within the document, so I've reposted it all below. I hope that is okay.

A Dog's Life.

I thought the title and the description fit the piece well, and it drew me right in to reading it. I thought it might be quite a challenge to write a poem from a dog's perspective. I also love dogs so this was a fun topic for me.

General comments and impressions: I really like how you did this. I like the language used, the flow, and the vibrancy. I could almost hear the changing rhythm of a wagging tail when I read the stanzas. Very nicely done! I wish I could handle rhythm as well as you do.

I wondered a bit why you used the contractions, although it took several readings before I noticed them. I think it is because it is a less formal sounding language, which fits a dog's point of view.

If I had to suggest something for improvement: The first time I read it I thought it jumped around a bit, and the rhythm was a little all over the place, but by my fourth read I 'got' it. I wonder if there might be a way to enhance this so the reader understands what is going on on the first pass. Otherwise, the poem may not get the full attention it deserves.


There's a gleeful wiggle in my butt
and my nose is cold and wet.
I'm happy alone if you give me a bone
but I can be so much more than a pet.

I loved gleeful wiggle in my butt. That is the prefect first line. It made me smile. I wondered a bit what might happen if you took out the and, and split up the first two lines into stand alone sentences?

I'm your buddy, your pal, your very best friend.
And I'll be there for you just in case
there is something you need. On me you can depend.
Though sometimes I may just lick your face.

I liked the enjambment. It really reinforced the 'tail wagging' rhythm and how a dog's thought patterns might go.

I'm easily taught cause I'm anxious to learn
all the things that you want me to do.
Because all that I want from you in return
is a small piece of time - just me and you.


Here I felt like there was a tighter rhyme and rhythm, almost like a shorter wag. It also has more of a nursery rhyme feel which makes me feel the warmth of the bond in the relationship. On a side note - it never fails to amaze me how little time dogs need to bond with owners and be happy. Just a tiny bit of attention and they are happy.

You can call me a mutt, you can call me a hound,
you can call me anything at all.
You can be certain that I'll be around
whenever you happen to call.

As above, I like the flow here. Is very true it doesn't matter what you say to your dog, they love you just the same.

Cause I'm your buddy, your pal, your very best friend.
And I'll be there for you just in case
there is something you need. On me you can depend.
Though sometimes -- I may just lick your face.

Once again, I think the language usage is great and indicative of what thoughts might be going through a dog's mind, and what a concept of a dog's language might look like.

For some reason another line kept trying to pop out, here and in the second stanza - a more expected "I'll be there till the end." I don't know why it pops out but it does so I thought I would toss it out there. I think I like that you didn't use something as predictable as that might be.

I wonder what the dog that inspired this poem is like.

Nicely done, and thanks for sharing the great read.

Best wishes and write on,

Sil
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Review by Sil
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello!

I am offering this as a return review.

First I wanted to say I have copied your story to word and have made some detailed edits within the document. I will be sending it via seperate email.

In the mean time, I thought I would offer this general review:

I enjoyed the story, and the twist at the end. I thought you did a great job providing a good sense of the main character, and the circumstances, and the scene.

The story had a definite introduction, arc, and conclusion.

I though the story was very descriptive, and I wondered a little bit about some of the descriptions. I think this story might benefit from some additional paragraph breaks, and some trimming. The story has good twists and warrants further exploration.

More coming via email!

Thank you for sharing your story,

Sil
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Review of Silent Screams  
Review by Sil
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello!

I am offering this as a return review.

First, I had a very emotional response to this poem. Because I have family that have suffered from Meniere's disease and from dementia (although not in the same person, yet) this piece really hit home with me.

I am going try and comment on each stanza, and to so do, I usually cut and paste the piece so you can easily see the comments and what they pertain to. I really like how you commented on everything, including the title, so I'm going to try and remember to do the same when I review. Thank you for teaching me that!

Your piece:

Silent Screams

I found the title intriguing. I didn't have any idea initially what the pome was about, but the title caught my interest.



The screams rang in his ears, they went on non-stop,
Never relenting, he heard them around the clock.
He was quite certain that others could hear,
Their shrillness rang out so very clear.

Here I began to get a gist of what was going on. I began to feel for the the main character of the poem, and immediately thought of Meiner's disease, although that might not have been your intent. I also thought initially there might be some type of torture going on in another room, but that is cleared up a few stanza's down.


He thought of Poe’s Raven, but that was nothing,
The screams were so shrill, his mouth was frothing.
He longed for the silence that deafness would bring.
Yet the screams continued on, in his ears they did ring.

Here the repetion seems to reinforce some of the ideas about the screams and how unbearable they must be. I like how you did the rhyming, - I'm unable to do that well. I'm beginning to wonder here if it is the subject actually doing the screaming.

One night the screaming stopped, silence overwhelmed him,
Blessed peace and quiet, as the light slowly grew dim.
The solitude that followed, smothered him quite well,
Though the screams had been bad, this silence felt like hell.

The "as the lights grew dim" made me wonder if he was dying. Silence, as smoothering, was a very interesting image.

His world was one of stillness, devoid of all sound,
He didn’t care much, for this world that he had found.
As if he had a choice, it was not his to choose
But now in this one, he was often lonely and confused

I liked this stanza, but the third line kind of caught me up. I had to read it a couple of times to see if I had it right.

He was an ordinary man, just like you and I
He lived a life like most of us, trying to get by.
An all around family man, who did the best he could,
Raised his children well, they stood by him as they should.

I liked the feeling that though he might be alone in silence, he wasn't alone in actuality. I also like how this piece gave us a little more insight into the man himself.

Their father fought a fight, that many fought before,
His world was not real, just in his mind forever more
He suffered from Dementia, lived only in his mind,
With no idea of the world, he had left behind.

This made me so sad. I always hope that patients with dementia live in the best times of their lives, remembering things that were important to them when they were growing up, or when their children were small. That is my wish, anyway. If I had to suggest anything about this stanza, perhaps another look at the last line? I wondered about the comma, but I'm not an expert. For some reason my mind put a 'that' in place of the comma. But I think good writers avoid using "that" in a poem, so probably not a good idea to go where I went with that one! (That one..hahah).

He didn’t know what day it was, or the time of year,
All he knew was silence, deafening in his ears.
His family knew there was nothing they could do,
Except stay by his side, help him see this through.

How heartbreaking this must be - to have family all around you, but the patient probably sees them as strangers, and since he is deaf, he can't communicate well wtih them. I wondered also about deafening. Do you think there is a stronger word that might convey the same thing? Were you trying to get at 'deafening silence"? The weight, the oppressiveness of complete and utter lack of sound? Deaf as a word is proably fine - I think maybe the 'ing' is what threw me.

Each was aware, of how their father’s battle would end
None wanted to call it quits, nor did they pretend
That all would be fine, that he would defeat his foe
Until he lost his fight, there’s no place they would go

This says a great deal about the type of family this is. For a lot of folks, once 'he' didn't know them, what did it matter that they were there. I'm glad they didn't abide by that, and stood by his side.

This silence was oppressive, he longed to hear a sound,
As his children watched his face, they could see him frown.
Suddenly his face twisted, a grimace, then a smile,
The screams had returned, he was comforted; for awhile.

This last part confused me a bit. Was he dying here? If so - I guess I wanted a peaceful sound at the end, but in truth, we don't dictate what happens to us or others when the end comes. If not - the endless torture! I think it would be hard to choose between the two extremes, screams and silence.

Well done, and please, keep in mind I'm a new writer. My opinions are probably as untrained as I am!

Best wishes, and write on.

Sil
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Review of Without them  
Review by Sil
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello L.I.S.! I am offering this as a return review.

First I wanted to say that this is a finally crafted short story. I greatly enjoyed it, thank you.

I thought it was written in a very sincere tone. The piece was very descriptive. There were also several very poetic images.

I greatly enjoyed the way the emotion was first muted, then increased throughout the story line as I perceived the shadow recalling/regaining memory of who he/she was, once upon a time.

I loved how the emotions grew as the shadow came to realize what was going on in the photographs.

There were many things to like about this piece - but these were my favorite two lines: "As I reach the last page I notice a drop of sunshine rolling down my figure. The dusty aroma of time lingers in the air around me." Very well done.

If I had to suggest something for improvement, perhaps this line might deserve another look and some small rearranging to improve flow: "Not being afraid of crying, because I'd know my tears won't go to waste. "

This is a great piece, what on earth inspired you? What are your plans for this piece?

Best wishes and keep writing!

Thank you for sharing,

Sil
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Review of Nothing  
Review by Sil
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Angus!

I love this, I like how you built the tension, and how the flashes of images and thoughts increased the fear factor.

This piece hooked me quickly.

I read it three times, imagining different voices each time. In the first, I could picture a little boy, looking out the window, and see him saying these things. "It's going to get me mommy!"

In the next, it read like a scary movie intro - with sound effects and everything.

The third time I read it, I could picture a campfire, with a group around it, and a story teller leading the group through it.

What a variety of ways this might be interpreted.

Very well done! My favorite line was:

"The square eyes of the buildings are dark." Gorgeous.

The ending was solid, and I liked it a lot.

If I had to suggest something for improvement, the repeating words and patterns confused me a bit - I think you were reinforcing the idea, but I wasn't sure. I'm no expert but I have always heard that repeating words may somewhat dampen or diminishes their effect. Do you think this is true? In any case - the repeating patterns seems to work very well here.

Not sure how much more detail you would like to see in a review, so I'll stop here.

I'm glad for the opportunity to review in your port. Please keep writing, and thank you for sharing.

Best wishes,

Sil
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Review by Sil
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Liam,

Someone recommended piece to me and I am so glad they did. I'll have to do the same and pass it along.

This is a very fun poem! The topic was amusing and very applicable to the WDC audience (or anyone that writes).

I thought the rhythm and flow was spot on. I loved the word examples, especially 'askew' and 'roux'.

I wish I could suggest something for improvement, but I am not able to find anything that needs it. My limited reviewing skills have little to offer this fun and deftly written piece.

Thank you for sharing it, I needed the smile.

Best wishes,

Sil
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Review of The Ghostly Heart  
Review by Sil
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)

This is a great story!

I do have a couple of questions - first, who is your intended audience? Did you write this for a contest or a short story submission, or is the beginning of a larger piece? I'm asking about the audience as it pertains to the language used in the story. For example, if this was intended to be a young adult story - it might benefit from some slight trimming here and there to help with the flow.

Next - what type of a review would you like? Did you want just general impressions, or are you looking for a detailed, in depth review?

Since I don't know what type of review you would like - I'll give you my general impressions. If you are interested in something more detailed, please let me know, I'd be happy to do so.

First, I thought this story was very well written. It's obvious you have a very good command of language. I noticed very few grammatical or spelling errors.

The story was well paced, had a definite arc and a solid conclusion.

I thought the characterization of the wizard was well done, and believable. There were a couple places (regarding the use of magic) that made me hesitate, but I think you can easily either trim them or enhance them with greater detail.

I loved the way the house was portrayed. I liked the weaving of the ghost into the very heart of the house, and the way the house and the furniture was used to defend the ghost.

The ending was solid and unexpected.

I hope you find this review helpful. I would like to note that I am not a professional, I have no publishing experience and I did not major in English, so please keep that in mind when considering my comments.

Thank you for sharing your story! It was a real pleasure to review something of this quality.

Best wishes and write on -

Sil
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Review of Black Eye Shadow  
Review by Sil
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello SuzeQ!

I am responding to your poem "Her black eye shadow" posted on the request review page.

First, I was sad to see your biography and bio block were not filled out. I try to frame my reviews in context with what is known about the writer (based on writing experience level more than age or country). So I'll have to frame this in a general way.

First, I think this poem has a very interesting premise. I would love to hear about what inspired it.

The second stanza was my favorite, especially "black fumes rise through her footsteps." I could really picture this!

Her shadow swallows the guarding walls
Her eyes burn down things she stares
Black fumes rise through her footsteps
The gates to her throne have opened

There is a lot to like in that stanza, lots of stories to tell.

If I had to suggest something for improvement - I would perhaps suggest you look strongly at the first and last stanzas, and how some trimming might strengthen the entire piece.

I hope this is helpful!

Best wishes and thank you for sharing your piece.

Sil
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Review by Sil
Rated: E | (4.5)
Dear Mark,

I greatly enjoyed your poem, "The song of Alexandros:FORBIDDEN TEMPTATION"

I'm not very familiar with this type of poetry, but I'm very glad I stopped and read this poem.

There was a sure a lot going on in this piece. I greatly enjoyed the way this poem developed the characters, and let you see just a glimpse into his passion. I could really feel the tension. It made me hungry to read more about their story.


Is the rest of this tale in poem form as well? What is next for these two! Please share.

Best wishes,

Sil
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Review of ??? B.C. – 2011  
Review by Sil
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Mark!

I enjoyed your poem, ??? BC 2011. Not sure why the question marks are in the title, perhaps you are undecided on it?

I like how you described all the history and used it to reflect on your theory.

I wanted to first remark on your vocabulary - it's extensive and well used. Higher level words used to describe the higher level learning subject - well matched.

My favorite line was this one:

As we learn the drafted curriculum in a row

(drafted implies a plan, an architecture, curriculum the methodical learning, in a row the structure of tradition).

My favorite stanza was this one:

Modernization can never contend
For the wisdom antiquity could lend
Everything in heaven and earth we think of discovering first
While in reality, it is never our search.

Several things going on in this poem -It inspired a couple thoughts in my head - it seems to be both the revering the past, and saying we are limited by the past (only where we are for what we have inherited, nothing on our own), that we can never be more than those that went before us.

Also - thoughts about how studying history can keep us from repeating mistakes, but also - could be limiting our creativity. Nicely done!

If I had to suggest something for improvement, it might could stand some careful trimming. Maybe take out some of the historical references to make the poem less weighty - the repetition might somewhat lessen their impact. Although, it's fine the way it is.

I think it was funny that you called yourself a sloth student :) What irony!

Keep writing!

Sil
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Review by Sil
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello!

I really love reading about writing, and poems are my favorite way to read about writing - so I greatly enjoyed your poem. This one reminded me of one of mine (Left to my own devices) but boy did it do it in a more beautiful way.

It details the efforts of the writing process, how we are craftsman, and words are our tools. How the correct use of those tools bring about something of beauty, like your poem. It's fun how we as writers get so caught up in semantics and definitions (when used to describe ourselves or our work). But when we write - we use those very things to create something - unexpected. Ah the irony! :)

Enough soapbox! :)

On to your review:

My favorite part of this piece:

Filtering the chaos,
distilling words,
till clarity sets.

Moulded emotions,
sculpted lines,
the essence captured.

Distilling words - Love it! Molded emotions, sculpted lines - very well done. Poetry as art, art as poetry. I think perhaps the answer for you, however, is in this stanza:

Relieving my heart,
finding ease,
in short sharp lines.

One of the great things about poetry is that we get to discover who we are, and who we are as poets, through our writing.

Don't let anyone tell you what your writing should be, poetry or prose.

Your heart will know! And most importantly - Keep writing!

Best wishes,

Sil
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Review of Rain  
Review by Sil
Rated: E | (4.0)

Hi K! I really liked this poem. The first stanza was my favorite.

I liked the heavens collapsing line - this is a very unique way to describe the arrival of the rain. Well done! I also especially liked "Dripping clumsily on my dampened skin, A stinted silence with a stranger." I can feel this happening, almost like, at a bus stop with a stranger.

I found "Your cage has been washed, you're pure again" very interesting and intriguing. I believe this speaks to the disassociation of the N to the physical body. It almost feels like a baptism.

The part about 'all feelings rendered dumb, numb contention' confused me a bit. Can you explain what is going on a bit here? Something not sinking in to my thick head here I think.

Good imagery. I really enjoy a good free verse poem with depth, and intriguing points. Keep writing!

Best wishes,

Sil
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Review of Rainbow  
Review by Sil
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello!

This review is a return for reviewing "Shoulders." Thank you again!

I enjoyed your poem, Rainbow. It made me think of a black and white photo of a city scape, with the only piece of color - a rainbow over arching, and then fading.

Poem Premise: I enjoyed how this poem details how examination of a wonder into it's pieces, like through scientific examination, can remove some of the mystery, and hence, the beauty. How as we grow older, our childlike wonder is lost in logic.

Poem Language: The language used was appropriate and well thought out. The rhythm of the poem seemed to flow well. The individual lines were strong. My favorite was "colours scattered onto sepia surroundings." Great imagery.

Suggestions for improvement: The repetition of the "preposterous idea" phrasing made me wonder if there is another way to relay the same thing. Although - it does work. I kept hearing it in a Ms. Maple teacher voice.

Thank you for sharing you work! Keep writing,

Sil
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