If I may suggest, it may be helpful to read through the piece again because I've noticed a few mistakes such as these below:
"one of the leg of the creature..." = one of the legs of the creature
"to fruitless" = too fruitless
"as Danny lay their..." = as Danny lay there
I've only included some, but I suggest that you also ask others to read through your piece so they could show you the good and not-so-good points.
Please don't feel bad. I understand how, as writers, we sometimes fail to see these minor errors. That is all right. This happens even to the best of us. So, I really hope you won't feel bad.
Nevertheless, your piece is such a good read. You've presented a good emotional impact and have beautifully described the experience, the surroundings. You've also managed to paint a good picture of the character in the reader's mind.
I love this piece. Although short, this work has a tone of completeness. The words just flow beautifully, and you had shown this inner desire of finding, of belonging, of seeking acceptance... and, I guess, of being one with another.
So poignant and artistically crafted with beautiful imagery and lasting emotional essence. I could actually feel the pain and loneliness as I read the lines.
Beautiful!
SittieCates
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/sittiecates
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.21 seconds at 3:59pm on Apr 26, 2024 via server web1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
