I really liked this story, especially the part about the community reaction to the story you wrote in the newspaper. People can be so interestingly irrational when it comes to reptiles. I also liked the action scenes, with the people trying to get Big Mama back out of the swamp. It actually sounded like a lot of fun to participate in. It sounds like Big Mama was a pretty cooperative lady, all in all. At her size she surely could have made life much harder on the handlers.
I did note one little technical problem. You have burmese spelled three different ways. Maybe I'm just being too conventional here; I do know that Mark Twain said he had no respect for aman who could only spell a word one way.
Okay, I'm mostly doing this because of the challenge of generating a meaningful 250 character review from a work of onlyabout 65 characters.
First off, I liked the subject. I think Haiku at their best contemplate nature. I also thought the questioning format was effective, in posing the rhetorical question to the acorn itself. By saying that the acorn is tiny, you allow us to rule out bur oaks and overcup oaks, but leave us with quite an array of other species. By asking if the acorn will become a squirrels treat, you tell this reader that the environment in which the acorn is encountered is either urban or suburban, since in rural area the acorns are often consumed by deer and feral hogs. I picture an acorn in a city park, on the ground near a picnic table, the author hurrying past with an umbrella and pausing for a momentary glance to wonder about the fate of this insignificant incipient life.
I may be the only one incharge of my destiny, but sometimes I sort of suck at steering the ship. Perhaps that is a commonality in the human condition. Personally, I think it is the reason some people like to believe in fate. It absolves them of responsibility for teh lousy driving.
I find it impossible to disagree with what you have written. But then, I am such a primitive that I still do most of my writing with a fountain pen that fills from a bottle. Ink cartridges are too modern. I believe firmly that we have in many ways regressed. As our communications equipment has become better, we have become poorer at actual communication. Now we are able to demonstrate clearly that we have nothing to say to millions at a time, with a mere click of a mouse.
I found this piece to be a bit ranty and hard to follow. Though I definitely identify with the writers frustrations, it almost seems like she is buying in to a certain degree and succumbing to the urge to indulge in our current societal communications genre, the somewhat disconnected rant. I'd love to see the general idea expressed here expanded upon, focused, and slowed down, for those of us who still move our lips when we read.
I liked the story, especially the action. I am presuming that the elk we are talking about is North American wapiti and not European moose, whiich get called the same thing. I've dealt with them a lot in the field, but never in enclosures. They are definitely impressive animals.
A couple of things seemed a little off. Feeling hot breath as he bellowed makes it seem to me like the big guy has already arrived and the race is over. Certainly too close to be able to turn and grab the pipe for a face off. Generally, male elk are referred to as bulls, at least where they are part of the native fauna.
I liked your wrap up. Nearly always when somoething like this happens, it's because an error in judgement was made. I like the way you recognized it and acknowledged the inherent wildness of the animal.
As far as know we all like to make up songs when we cook, paddle canoes and enjoy our pets. I'm sure there are other times for other people. I liked your song. It had a good rhythm and a kitchen kind of feel. I have to admit I have no clue what a Rogan Josh is and I won't look it up now and pretend to knowledge I don't possess. Sounds like wine though.
An example that proves again that poetry is where you find it! And that it can be truly timely and topical.
I liked the idea for this and the sort of sardonic feel to the words. It struck me as a sort of tongue-in-cheek observation from someone who is using the system to survive, without buying in.
In general, I thought the structure was good. There are a couple places where I felt like the meaning was clouded or sacrificed for the sake of the rhyme. I am unclear as to what "forecast my ability means". I had a similar problem with "shed like chaos".
Bottom line: I enjoyed the poem very much. The tone of it came through and my issues were minor.
I thought this piece was generally well written and an interesting idea. It certainly makes it clear that there are some choices that get made and do not allow you to go back, even if you change yor mind. I also liked the irony of Paul's concern about the gun oil. I thought the person with the sing-sing voice was a bit of a distraction and not necessary to tell the story, but I see how it made it simpler for Paule to have someone to play off of in wrapping things up.
This is an interesting little story. I like the premise and it's funny. I do think there are a coupple of things that are a bit of a stretch though. First off, why does Mary find contemplating the fly dilema so exhausting? It isn't that sort of a problem. WHy doesn't she just ask about the flies, or even more like a woman, helpfully try to brush them away? I also found it a bit problematic that Mary just goes off with him after she hasn't seen him in years.
The biggest problem though is the ending. What exactly is fly ointment? I've heard of insect repellant and fly dressing, for artificial fishing flies, but fly ointment is outside my realm of experience.
I thin with just a little consideration of the plausibility aspects of a couple of things, this makes for a very nice, funny story.
I certainly sympathize with your moral outrage, but the problem here is a bit different than you appear to think. Paternos problem is not that he made a report, his problem is that the law in PA does not require reporting of such things, even by witnesses. The only thing that was required was that he report the matter to his superiors, per University policy. He did that and the University did little about it and did not notify law enforcement. The problem now is that the University, in recognition of the inadequacy of both its policy and the response, is removing people who complied with it.
The real issue and the resulting outrage is because of the disconnnect between what the law requires, what the policy requires and what basic human decency requires. Though both the letter of the law and the letter of the policy were met, the children were not protected and that points to human failure on the part of all involved. Most of the parties did dot their i's and cross their t's and I am quite certain that before long, when the attorneys for the boys get going, all of these people will be getting all the trial, jury and opportunity for rebuttal in a formal forum they could ever want.
Very nice! And very touching. I wonder if teachers ever really adjust to the idea that such strong attachments form. It seems so unfair that relationships that can become this central to a child's well being are time-limited to just noe year by the system.
I thought that you did an excellent job of desription. taking each aspect of the student's outward appearance and telling what it is masking. I found that to be very revealing, and to set a theme for the poem that engages the reader and draws them in.
Perhaps it is that we all are similar to the narrator in our need and desire for something solid in life and to be known and recognized, both for what we do that is good and strong, and for our insecurities and neediness.
This story is quite effective and moves between the characters very nicely. You feel both of the main characters points of view very strongly. I thought it was a very vivid expression of a total narcissism that is very hard to understand. Most of us spend our time hungering for the stability and permanence of relationships, even more than the pleasure. The idea of intentionallly making the other choice is a bit off-putting.
I did think there were a few gentilities that were probably from the author rather than the character, given the life style here. For example:
"the thought of watching someone else sleep with her"
is probably not what this character would have said to himself.
This poem is very nicely executed and is an excellent expression of the feeling of death for those who do not believe in an afterlife. I find it interesting how it also portrays the desire we have to not be forgotten and to somehow believe that we continue, if in no other way than in the animation of worms and the growth of flowers.
I liked the rhythm of the poem. It was very funereal, and would have felt so, I think, even if you had filled it with happy words. I loved the "Over sandwiches..." line, because it was so expressive of how we celebrate death in our society, though in the great white north we have tended toward the infamous funeral hotdish.
First, I liked this piece and the descriptions. I also liked the concept of walking it through an entire day, but also felt that therein lay the weakness in it.
This may be a bit of a personal preference, but it seemes to me that you took on a bit much for such a short piece. It would have been more effective to have selected a smaller piece of the place and a smaller unit of time, say the bees and wasps in an hour of the afternoon, and related a more intimate portrait of them and their activities.
Nature and knowing nature nature is in the details. I think you clearly have an eye for them and could convey them well.
It really does seem, at times, that all of our creation of earthly edifices is truly futile. Still, I doubt that the ones engaged in it usually have much of an illusion about the permanence of their creations. Especially in the United States, where we knock down and replace things at least every 100 years, and more often every 50.
I liked the imagery of the machines like abstract sculpture of dinosaurs and the observations part of the piece in general. The philospohical juxtaposition could use a bit more development, in my opinion, to avoid being trite. It's a valid point to be making. As a purely editorial/preferential comment, I would prefer something a bit more descriptive of the sky than "azure", which seems to be almost a poetic default descriptor for the sky.
Interesting concept and I understand the sentiment, but I can't help wondering if apologizing to Nature, as though it were a thing apart, that we are separate from, is actually an expression of the problem. Until we recognize that we are just a piece of the system, we will keep making mistakes.
I like your idea of helping raise the next generation to be more aware and it is good to know that people are addreessing this. We certainly need to recognize that that our current children, and many of our inner city dwellers are being cut off from the reality of the world. The environment is at risk of becoming an old, white guys' province and that is certainly not good. i say this as an old white guy environmentalist.
Interesting poaradoxical observation. I like the concept and I like the way the rhythm feels. Couldn't figure out if the first line was stronger with "can't help" or "can help". Yours was less trite, but I had to read it a couple of times because the other felt more natural and I kept looking for it.
I thought the snake/worm/parasite thing was a bit out of parallel. Snakes don't feed off of anyone. Consider perhaps a leech?
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