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Review Requests: OFF
184 Public Reviews Given
196 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I aim to give a bizarre little meld of creative and technical pointers. My behavior always goes for being thoughtful and polite. If someone says: "I'm brutally honest/I say it like I see it," I think they're misinterpreting what it means to critique something. At the same time, I want to try and see if I might give advice that can make a writer stronger and not just sugarcoat things. We're writers, we make mistakes! But there's just a teenie weenie bit of difference between constructive criticism and having an inferiority complex! Bare in mind also that I am learning and if you think something I address is incorrect, by all means, please bring it up! We're here to learn from each other!
I'm good at...
- Spotting typos and maybe going over some basic rules of writing. - Tossing ideas on how to expand your tale (if you want that) - Using the ol' BS Detector, though it did backfired once and ate a friend's fictional rug.
Favorite Genres
Horror, Science Fiction, Slice of Life (prefers but not limited to if there's a supernatural twist), Speculative Fiction, Comedy, Action/Adventure
Least Favorite Genres
Fanfiction, Political
I will not review...
Not Erotica as a whole but more along the lines of it bordering on a fetish I'm uncomfortable with. Don't feel deterred, we'll discuss it.
Public Reviews
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Review of First Contact  
Review by S. Serpent
Rated: E | (4.0)
A nice quick and to the point tale. It's hard to make a complaint here. The dialogue sets everything into motion. The punchline's a gimme, but I can use it these days alright. I think the dialogue written for the "twitter guy" worked and tells us all we need to know and to reveal his name would have been too on the nose.

The only thing I think I would have changed was when you used the parenthesis: "Earth! The other losers who call themselves leaders(and are doing a terrible job, by the way!) are a sham!!"

I don't THINK you can use parenthesis in spoken dialogue. I know his tweets are filled with parenthesizes, hence why you used them, but just like the character never being mentioned by name, it translates well enough without it. But that's all personal opinion! Good job!
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Review of Halloween Special  
Review by S. Serpent
Rated: E | (3.5)
Due to the shortness of this piece, I can understand the murkiness of the situation. It also helps to paint a dream-like state. I liked it and it all being a prank leaves a playful tone, reminding me of the "trick" part of the holiday season. Admittedly, when she touched her mother and the mother fell over all the way to when she set her mother's head in her lap, the visual I had was that the mother had been dismembered and the daughter sat a detached head in her lap. Still, 150 words is difficult to weave a tale in with a beginning, middle and an end and I think your work was a pleasant surprise!
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Review by S. Serpent
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
I like the harrowing experience this paints. I remember heading to a school bus once after school had let out and saw a "greenish witch-like colour" in the sky. The visual was reminiscent of that. The final line is powerful, reading it from the viewpoint of a child not fully realizing that that storm and tornado has just affected his life in a permanent way.
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Review of Next Right Thing  
Review by S. Serpent
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a unique story and the existential dread really helps to paint a picture of what Laura is going through. It's nice to read a story where the main character is a mother, a lot of fiction really tries to focus on younger characters and while that's not necessarily bad, this piece is a nice reprieve from it. Laura's just dealing with the realization that she takes everything one day at a time and doesn't have an entire picture, making herself feel small and meaningless. Good job with the prose!
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Review of The Uninvited Hat  
Review by S. Serpent
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Fantastic! I love your prose and how gross they can be. This is one of those tales that's short and sweet and doesn't need a single word of backstory pried in there for good measure. I always admire a piece where the supernatural creature that haunts you ends up being the least of your concerns.
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Review of It Could Be Her  
Review by S. Serpent
Rated: E | (4.5)
I love the Lovecraftian elements of this story. When her father calms her cries it felt heartwarming which helped the ending feel bitter and unresolved rather than ignoring some sort of readable connection between "Marie" and her parents.

The only real question I have is: How were they able to tell it was Marie? I was looking for a descriptor or perhaps if they were just mournful of their daughter that it would be elaborated. Minor gripes for a great story! I really enjoyed it. Thanks!
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Review of Skin Problem  
Review by S. Serpent
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
This is some good writing! I was relieved when Julia came into the picture that she wasn't just a past love interest (that wouldn't make it bad, but predictable) and how the main character's relationship with Julia was something quite relatable. I don't think there are many people who have NEVER come across someone they disliked, but passively carried the burden of being "friends" for the sake of niceties with the hope that the person will eventually leave them be.
"And, perhaps, relief." nails the feeling of guilt home. The itch is, of course, Julia, the constant reminder, that irritation that you simply can't ignore.
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Review of Charcoal  
Review by S. Serpent
Rated: E | (5.0)
The rhythm of this poem is hypnotic... And though Poetry isn't my wheelhouse, the rhythm translates to me without having to be so knowledgeable about it. I don't know if there are many more attributes that a given piece can have that's so complimentary.

I love the visuals you paint, with the creation of ashes, the constant reminder of: "realism, a smear, hear and there," which I would read being despite art characteristically being unrealistic, that the realism in most pieces are the bones in which something creative can flourish upon. I think it's nailed home with: "Do it right, do it right, do it the way you've been told was right" which most people (artists, writers, poets, ect.) constantly do battle with, wanting their work to be their creative little creature, but also needing the body of something normal, something explainable in order to create the canvas for its creativity.

I have to admit, this is one of the best pieces I've seen on this website. I haven't been here for long, but this piece strikes me as awe-inspiring. Great job!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of alive  
Review by S. Serpent
Rated: E | (4.0)
I like this, it's a nice, short view into the changing of seasons and remembering that like them, you are alive and in constant motion. Though, if you ever thought to add on to it, I think it might be even better, like adding a couple more stanzas if you could keep the flow alive.
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Review by S. Serpent
Rated: E | (4.0)
I like this piece. I think you've captured the main character's thoughts rather well in her current environment. I do think that you may wish to elaborate more on the love interest she has just to keep readers with a more vivid picture of him.
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Review of The Dread Bridge  
Review by S. Serpent
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
This story is interesting and I find the hints of other, more futuristic countries in it to be a fascinating story for other tales in this universe if you plan on continuing. Your strengths are in describing the fear in the character as well as adding the creative medley of fantasy. I'm not much for typical fantasy settings, but I found this read to go well regardless of my personal tastes. Well done! I'll send you an email, and keep writing.
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