Strengths:
- The story starts with a relatable situation (snowstorm) and quickly introduces a fantastical element (waking up in a field of flowers). This grabs the reader's attention and makes them want to know more.
- You use vivid descriptions to bring the flower field to life. We can almost smell the flowers and feel the sun on our skin.
- You provide interesting details about the two girls, Elisa and Madeline, highlighting their personalities through their actions.
Areas for improvement:
- The middle section with Elisa braiding your hair and Madeline making flower crowns feels a bit slow. Consider adding more action or dialogue to keep the reader engaged.
- While the disappointment at the end is clear, explore the emotions throughout the story. How do you feel when you first wake up in the field? How do you feel about Elisa and Madeline?
- Instead of telling us "it felt like words weren't needed," show us how the characters communicate without words. Perhaps through gestures, expressions, or even telepathic thoughts.
Great piece of work. I like how the writing creates a dark atmosphere through your descriptions, the mystery adds a great layer of suspense.
I understand it is a small piece of work, but whereas the setting is well-described, the wider world remains vague, and you could build upon this; maybe by emphasising how isolated it is to add to the dark atmosphere.
Overall, it is a well-written piece of work
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