Hmm... I am left in thought. What do you mean with writing hurling metal in your eye, just shy of heaven unending, I begin to fear to fly?
I really like the images that flashed through my head as I read! They were provoked because of your good descriptions. Well done and I hope this review was helpful! :)
Hmm... very interesting ideals presented here. I like the comparison of life's desires to leave blowing in the wind. The bench idea is something I will contemplate. And I pose a question, giving into what? I like how you leave to reader to think about what he or should be giving into.
-"The answering stir of my being" This does not sound right. Answering stir?
-"Is fresh as a clear summer stream" This allusion is not clear. Why would you refer to a stream as freash?
I love the seasonal metaphors. I hope my review is helpful. Well written!
-"Others simply say that faith itself is all that is need. " the need should be needed
-"So - there's my first point. It's actually easier to define and accept God than it is to define and accept the concept of "nothing"." I would recommend, So, here is my first point: It is actually easier to define and accept God than it is to define and accept the concept of 'nothing.'
-"Some will try and get round that problem by hypothesizing that prior to the "Big Bang" there wasn't nothing after all." One, round should be around and then I'm not sure what you are trying to say in this sentence. For one thing you need to state what the problem is. This is a new paragraph, so I need to understand what the subject of this paragraph is going to be. Should it be: there wasn't anything after all or there was actually something after all?
-"There was some sort of quantum energy field, or perhaps there was an eternity of universes before this one - a sort of cyclical crap-shoot of infinite meaninglessness." Some speculate there was some....
-"After all, if life is just random chance, and all we are is a bunch of chemicals that just so happened to bump into each other at exactly the right time (in millions of different, logical and irreducibly complex combinations) - then there is indeed no ultimate meaning." combinations), then there is needed...
-"How can there be? I am a cosmic accident. Sorry about that." these sentences need to be reworded. They are fragments and there is not clear thought, just implications of what you may be trying to say
-"Believing in God as the "beginning" is more logical than any of the alternatives." Is this your second point?
-"What then?" why is this here? what is the contrast here? what then from what?
-"b) I believe in the Christian God because that frees me from a bunch of impossible and all too often man-made rules." bunch being more than one means that impossible should be plural also.
-"Time to define "Christian"!" a Christian, the Christian, something is missing between define and Christian
-"It comes from Χριστός (christos) meaning "the anointed one""What is It? Jesus Christ?
-" Even amid the calamity of humanity - there is beauty." Even amid the calamity of humanity, there is beauty
-"She watched him die - day by day. She did everything for him. He was helpless. A 90 year old baby. She cared for him to and beyond the point of exhaustion." To many choppy sentences. She watched him did- day by day. Although he was helpless, much like a 90- year old baby, she did everything in her power to help make his last days the best. She cared for him to and beyond the point of exhaustion.
-Paragraph beginning with 'But wait," does not describe any of the joys that you are trying to convince the reader exists.
-I continue reading the same paragraph from the previous comment and it ends on a negative. The following lines need to be tied into the paragraph, because I was confused as to what faith this woman really had. The flow is not good.
-"They are the words of Jesus. He speaks to His children. " These need to be combined
-"Our once perfect race has fallen - our ultimate parents unplugged themselves from the power source of life, and since then - life has been all about death. " very well written
-"Here's one:" Is this your own personal goal? specify whose goal this is.
-" But of course, who seriously actually believes that Jesus was somehow God as well as a man?" you do not need both seriously and actually
-The paragraph beginning with, "Some people believe," is very well organized and the flow is perfect and well thought out
-"Good? Insane or evil, take your pick." bring these two sentences together
- " Jesus was, is and always will be God, and as God he chose to willingly give up the indescribable position He had and clothe himself in human flesh." after the first God, there should not be a comma because if you take out that phrase, the sentence will not make sense. You can use a semicolon.
- I think that there should be a conclusion that refreshes the different main points you stated clearly. That way the reader will have a clear and concise visual of what your ideas are.
Overall 1st Impression:
Nice. It's a descriptive poem and I can picture what your words are saying.
Spelling and Grammar:
none
Mistakes/ Confusion: then dried up like dead leaves that blow away.
The simile doesn't seem to work. It doesn't feel right. Maybe: then dried up like dead leaves scorched by the searing sun.
Overall 1st Impression:
This is a really good story. I enjoyed it so much, it's not even funny! I'm half Trini and I've never really read a real Trini story. It was a blast from the past. Remembering when I lived down there for a short while. I was a kid, but I remember the accents and the licking, and school. I really enjoyed this. Are you going to continue?
Spelling and Grammar:
none
Mistakes/ Confusion:
What do these mean:
(V.O)
INT.
EXT.
Conclusion:
You did very well on this screen play. I felt the story and what was going on. I felt the transaction of feelings between the characters. I visualized and stayed with it till the end. Continue this one, it's a keeper.
Overall 1st Impression:
You're a pretty interesting person. Like me you like tv and reading, but of course writing. We wouldn't be here if we didn't.
Spelling and Grammar:
none
Mistakes/ Confusion:
Was just wondering who Dean Koontz is, but I found out.
Conclusion:
Cool. I like this. It's cool to know a little more about the person's novel you read. My favorite part is you header/intro, it's really funny.
Overall 1st Impression:
This story is just so cute! I love it. How did you think of something like this? I love how smart this little kid is, knowing in detail all the info on Moses.
Spelling and Grammar:
none
Mistakes/ Confusion: God had me to hit a rock with my rod
God actually told him to speak to the rock, but instead he hit it. He didn't go into the promise land because of it. You have it in the next paragraph, you just have to add it here also.
Conclusion:
This is unbelievably cute, I wasn't expecting this at all!
Conclusion:
I'm breathless after reading this poem. It's a beauty. My fav's are "redeeming the time," "Into the unknown I go holding the Hand I know will never let go; never leave," and "to behold you, no one else, " I entreat."
Overall 1st Impression:
What! How could you have any doubt about this site? I know everyone has doubts. I love this site with a passion and the features work well for me. If I have any doubts i'll just tell ya!
Spelling and Grammar:
n/a
Mistakes/ Confusion:
Not a single one with this site!
Conclusion:
Keep on improving and adding to the site!
Overall 1st Impression:
Nicely written. I like the similies you used in the third and fourth lines.
Spelling and Grammar: begginning
beginning onced
once
Mistakes/ Confusion:
None. Perfect clarity.
Conclusion:
I really like this poem, because it reaches into my mind and reminds me of the issues that comewith friendships. But, also that in time, wounds heal.
Overall 1st Impression:
Can't seem to get the flow of the poem. It is the important word followed by the explaination or something else. It's eems to change up. Bu I like the poem itself.
Spelling and Grammar:
No spelling mistakes. The root of the evil,
Is this supposed to end in a period?
Mistakes/ Confusion:
The way the poem is supposed to flow.
Conclusion:
Has a good start. Just need a little more work. I think I get it but not completely sure.
Overall 1st Impression:
Intresting question. I think of a witch and what comes to mind is a spirit worshiper who has dedicated their life to the devil.
Overall 1st Impression:
I like this poll. I have always wanted to post one, just never did. Cool I get to do your poll and get inside the heads of the people of Writing.Com
Spelling and Grammar:
n/a
Mistakes/ Confusion:
None. You make your expectations very clear.
Conclusion:
Well done and keep on creating nice polls.
Perfect!
Personally, I never thought about wheeping willows. To me it's just a tree. But the soul crying out from the poem just went into my heart and said listen. I wanto actually find that tree and try it right now. That's exactly what I should feel and do feel.
There are no errors to be found, except, if you stop writing such great poetry!
Awesome job!
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/tadoll08
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.73 seconds at 7:02pm on May 10, 2024 via server web1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
Overall 1st Impression:
Spelling and Grammar: 
Mistakes/ Confusion: 
Conclusion: 