I really like the images in this poem you describe romance well
the only thing is if you add line breaks after the commas its really
easier for the reader
example
I imagine the moon and the stars
shining on our glowing skins.
The windows open,
the curtains blowing,
and the warm wind creeping
slowly down our spines.
Our bodies touching,
our lips flowing,
and our hearts beating as one.
The sounds of love linger
in each breath we take,
I really like the flow of your poem and the story it tells
the last line is really long I think if you add a line break
there it really makes the poem look cleaner
example
but I have faith that in time I will move on
from the friendship that once was.
at first I could not read this poem at all but
when I ran it through a translator I was glad
I did because I really like this poem,
and I think it would be great to post it in english to
example
Naasa
There are millions of Bhmaand stars.
What we do not let them go.
Daily new are Khojhe.
It's not like the Prithvi.
Naasa run the Abhiyan.
On Tue Jivn revealed.
Rover, probes and satellites have Laanc by Longo.
Then everyone got to know the other planets.
Space station may then roam.
The new Rhsyon identifiable.
Space is Naasa forefront of Field.
Jhage on each Pinnd Jivn hunting.
Curiosity Naasa Jhbse the left.
New technical Piceh he left everyone.
Cape Kanewrl flight satellite pay.
Contribute to the search for Jivn.
usually I only give reviews to people who I think I can help
with some kind of advice but I have been reading your work
and I wanted to tell you I really enjoyed it. you write very well
and entertaining
I really like your poem I enjoyed reading it. on the first line it felt a little
awkward rewording and adding a line break makes it a smoother read
example
I’m worried about where my mind may take me,
for years I have battled this.
this is a nice poem short and straight to the point
the only advice I have is in this line
For thee can't hear a sound
if you remove thee and add I for example
this is a good poem the words chosen are great but it needs more
of a poetic form like line breaks for example
A blatant thumb trips
my ring finger in anticipation
of the perceived mutany of
the middle, finger;
ring is to blame for
the perceived threat
when he overheard
the short one and
the plot in a whispered tone.
great poem when its put into a poetry form
I add line breaks after a punctuation like a period
or comma for example
White Feathers
The white feathers that are protecting my soul
from evil and hate are slowing opening
and the white feathers of purity
and innocence are slowing turning black.
Will the feathers of hope and fate protect me ?
I can feel the powerful and graceful white feathers
that cover and allow my soul to remain
light and pure are stronger than ever.
Or so I hope for I feel
the bitterness inside of me.
White feather please remind strong
for I need the protection;
evil is strong and looming nearby.
White feathers of hope and serenity
protect my fragile soul from all forms of evil
the poem is good I like what emotion your expressing the only thing I
would change is the form line breaks makes it look like a poem
Hope Chest
Within the old vintage hope chest
once laid the old letters
in which love was once expressed
in its true form.
Now all that lies in the vintage
hope chest are letters bound
together by a single red ribbon.
Forever lost in time.
this poem expresses a very sad emotion
and I like it but the lines are too long they
need to be broken for example
I love you mommy and am sorry.
Why does my mother not care for me
Why do I feel alone in the world.
I don't understand why you care
more about yourself
instead of me .
If you did care for me than
why did you tell people that
you don't care for me,
that you never wished I was born.
I don't understand how can you
gave birth to me than treat me
like I am nothing?
What did I ever do to you
to deserve this kind of punishment.
I don't understand why drugs
are more important to you than I am.
Please tell me what did I do wrong
and I will fix it, just tell me.
How can you stand there and try
to kill yourself while I am watching? why?
I promise I wont cry any more
just please pick me up
and tell me you love me.
just once please.
Why did you give me away
and to your grandma.
Do you not love me anymore?
Did I do something wrong?
a good dark poem the words are well chosen but
it really needs line breaks for example
she feels herself change
into something dark and sweet,
something shes held in for so long
that she has grown tiresome
and finally allows it to come out.
and as it consumes her she smiles
a wide grin as it whispers in her ear.
"Its so sweet,but so deadly.
You will suffer
,you will be crooked
,your heart completely rotted.
But you'll have that beautiful smile
that makes the creatures fall
to their knees,
and thoughs lustful eyes
that hypnotize.
You will devour every living soul
on this planet until I'm satisfied,
and the more you devour
the more you'll no longer exist.
you'll be happy,you'll be free.
so rest thoughs lustful eyes my dear
and let me take care of the rest,
and make sure you sleep soundly.
so you can live a life of serenity."
the poem is good but the rhyme sounds too forced in this stanza
Today, today, I am anew!
With my pills both green and blue!
Now some may say I could use some rest.
And surely as my demonic poetry can attest,
sleepless nights with no rest,
do not keep me at my best.
I like the emotions that you express in your poem
but your lines are so long they need line breaks for example
Death is brown.
light and beautiful but suffocating
in its infinite stillness.
It is where one moment is endless
but sudden, where time
is finite but without mesure.
Freedom is a pale cool gray,
like the coat of a wolf
it is warm and soft,
like the chalky afternoon sky after
a rainstorm it stretches on for forever.
Incarceration is a muted green
and a fallen sky blue.
Incarceration is cold stale air
and sunlight through
a smudged glass window.
incarceration is seeing grass from afar,
grass so crisp and
beautiful that it makes your heart
ache and your feet itch with anticipation.
Incarceration is the endless confines
of your own soul.
Sadness is bloodshot red eyes.
despair is a cold tile floor
sorrow is a knotted stomach
and a tight throat.
depression is having endless emotions
but no way to express them.
Life is.
it simply is.
like a broken pot,
formed from wet brown clay,
burned and hardened in a kiln,
and dropped before it can be used.
life is just like a broken pot.
A broken pot picked up off
the cold tiled floor,
A pot pieced back together in that
cold stale air under
that smudged window and left
to dry in a muted green room.
life is a pot held together with
the promise of cool gray paint.
life is a whole pot placed on itchy
green grass and filled with
the endless confines of your own soul.
I like your poem its sexy you describe the scene very well the only thing
that sticks out to me is some of the lines are really long making the poem seem off
balanced if you break some of these lines it looks more polished for example
Click…Click…Click
Is the sound that her heels made
, as she walked across the wooden floor
I couldn’t take my eyes off of her
From her face down to her legs
She was glistening like the moon itself
She pranced around the room in her little lingerie
Lighting candles
Running bath water
And she even placed rose pedals on the bed
The pleasure is about to begin
She walked closer to me
and kissed my neck with her soft tender lips
Her kisses gave me chills
My heart throbbed as her hot,
moist body touched mines
Is the temperature rising?
Or is it me just getting hot and bothered by
the moans and groans you put forth into my ear
Wrestling with the sheets
Biting my neck
Scratching my back
I could tell you’ve reached your climax
Energetic, jovial, stress free I feel
But why?
The sweetest thing in the middle gives me power
Superpower
I like your poem I feel the sadness expressed here sometimes its hard to express feelings
but you did it very well here the only thing is the first line might need some rewording for example
life hasn't been going well since mom passed a year from today
I like your poem but the lines are a little long sometimes a line break at the end of
a sentence or punctuation helps for a clearner read for example
"The book, like all well-written things,
has been badly read.
its a tragedy,
tragedy that has been bestowed upon Itself."
And he turned the book in his hands.
The book talked something like this.
And the man was someone
I thought I might like to know.
Sick of your insane demands!
His glasses steamed up
and I couldn't sit anymore.
His books, he had ladders
and ladders of books upon table tops
and littered to his feet.
And my book lay firmly in his hand
and I was sure I could close
My eyes and if I were to open them,
my book would litter his Floor.
His wardrobe was open,
his shoelaces by his books were undone,
beautifully so,
I admired my surroundings
and every book was in It's place.
It is all fashionably ill written,
I believe that is good.
I like your poem it tells a great story I enjoyed reading I did see a couple
words I fixed below
They tried to run the race but without a horse.
Time has flew by with out a hitch of course.
For the last horse had been put out to die.
Roses had been place on the old stead.
I wanted to review your poem but i cant understand it I even tryed to run it through a translator
but it didnt work. it looks like it would be a great poem I wish I could understand what it is saying
sorry
I really like your poem I love poetry about jesus and god. some people dont know about religion and
its great to spread the word and what better way than through poetry. I think this poem is well written
the only thing I would change is I would bring your lines closer and break some lines so it reads like this
The cross says
'payment given'
The resurrection says
'payment accepted'
Living as a Christian,
I am stuck like a rock;
Wondering what makes
Christ so different,
from the other boys
on the block;
Cause Christianity
teaches love,
kindness and purity;
just like all the old
and new religions,
formed now and
in the past centuries;
I like your poem its scary for the halloween season but I think some of your lines were running
away with you here I added line breaks and its easier to read
The corpse was sitting in the sun
with a shine on the very little
amount of skin left on it.
You could it had been there for about a day
but the scorching sun still had it warm.
It was so decomposed that half of the face
was nothing but bare bone.
You could see the lungs under the ribs
thousands of mindless starving maggots
feasting on the lungs.
Some made there way to the stomach
and made it rip revealing rotting
last meals and acid.
It looked as if the corpse had threw it up.
Then a train of darken old blood
flowed down aside the corpse.
Now the maggots seemed to multiply
as they swam threw the ever-expanding
sea of dark old blood as it release
a new terrible aroma across the scene.
A new swarm of fires start to move
around the corpse.
Now it was time to eat…
Again.
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