I like your poem I have read several and your very talented
the only thing is its hard to follow when the poem looks like a story
its easier to follow a clean format for example
My dad taught me that life
is precious and we should take
nothing for granted
and enjoy the ride
I have learned many things from family
and friends and still can’t seem
to understand why people lie
I am out to change people’s lives
to do the right things and
enjoy life every day
It’s hard to do that when a person is dying
inside and it seems that everything
gets in the way
It’s hard to see the reasoning behind
why bad things have to happen
to individuals who don’t deserve it
I work hard and enjoy my family,
and working at safe work environments,
but even with a happy attitude it seems
that the candle is gone before
it has even been lit
I really like your poem I know you have a great rhyme sceme going on
but the lines are really long and uneven here I added line breaks and I think
it looks cleaner
It's a symbol of everlasting love
A symbol of forces that are bigger
than us from up above.
Ones undying commitment
& love for another
A special bond that never gives
up faith in the other
We wear it to show our loyalty
to each other and let others know
we are taken.
This little band around our finger
comes with a huge message that's
never meant to be forsaken.
It can be a kiss or a hug
at the end of each day
It will have sympathetic heart
when there is no words to say.
We care for our lover in ways
we never thought we could
Dream big things together
that we never thought we would
We are definitely better
with our other half
They are what makes life worth
pushing for with just a simple
smile & laugh.
In the world we live in today
it’s nice to be able to look down
and remember our special day
in with my hubby in his tux
and me in my wedding gown.
It is truly amazing what a gold band
on your left finger can mean
It is not about the beginning or
the end-instead look forward
to all the memories in between.
One life shared together
I like the way your poem tells a story but the form looks
like a story rather than a poem if you add line breaks it
would make a big difference in the way it looks for example
It was his heart.
It would just stop beating;
or so the local doctors thought,
his pulse and respiration were
no longer found;
his vital signs would be shot.
Three times they wrapped him
up in a sheet,
and hauled him into town;
Three times he woke up
in a morgue with coffins all around.
I like the words you use in your poem there is also a lot of emotion I feel it
what I would do with this poem is give it more of a form some line breaks
and maybe stanzas its a lot cleaner to read for example here I did a three
line stanza the first stanza has two lines the third line I kept long I think it looks cool
its a great poem
I'll never forget the day mom brought you home,
so tiny and cute, a babe all alone...
I would creep to your crib side,
and watch as you slept,
and cradle you tight in my arms when you wept.
Growing up as the youngest,
so clever and cute,
so funny and wild, with red hair to boot.
You were always my shadow,
when you were a kid,
always threatening to tell mom and dad things I did.
I like the emotions you express in this poem I can really feel
your pain but it was kind of hard to follow without line breaks
for example
Why do people feel the need to play
with someone else’s emotions
even when they know that
they are in pain?
A person works hard to get two degrees
and working on the third one while
she thought she would be getting
somewhere in their career
only to get shot down
and have someone feed on that.
Maybe that is part of the reason why
I don’t communicate my feelings
with many people since
they seem to use it against me.
your poem is good but one of your lines looks like its running away
from the other lines I think if you broke it like this for example
It was a beauty
Truly the most wonderful
thing in human existence
And no one knew it,
but when it was in his or her town,
someone was going to be saved
And that object was what
kept things going
I can really feel the sadness in your poem
you express yourself very well I would add
a line break on a couple lines for example
When one say they're
done so does another.
It keeps going.
Until there's nobody left.
Who cares about friendship
that's made it 7 years.
Throw it all away.
It was never important anyway.
Not compared to the image
they have to upkeep and obtain.
this poem has the makings of being a great poem with some revising
and polishing I would start with adding line breaks for a easier read and
a cleaner look for example
Do you think of people as whole?
I don't. although , I use to.
But now I see, people are split into three.
Your heart, your body and your soul.
See, your heart you never really had,
so there is no problem of losing it.
Rather, of finding it.
It is being kept same
with the one you love,
even before you are born.
I have always and will always be there.
And that feeling you get
when you are close to them,
that is you,
feeling your heart beat.
For the first time.
I like your poem the description and the words you used
I do think if you add some line breaks it would read easier
for example
All that lays before his eyes now
it's just the abstract of his world,
Mixed, twisted, undone to bloody pieces
- everything he ever loved.
He kneels in front of the mess
he made this time,
His ruthless, unjustified crime,
Of his world that was once sublime.
Wrecked into his own abyss,
Desperately,
he wishes just for a single moment of bliss,
Yelling to the darkness,
to the ashes of his existence,
He's trying to dispel the endless distance.
I like the poem but I think line breaks would improve it even more for example
When I was young
I looked at the world with eyes of a Disney character.
All was possible,
Evil always lost.
In the end, the hero always had a happy ending.
I allowed dreams to bath my vision,
Never saw the zombies that walked the earth.
Till one day someone pointed out the symptoms,
No light shining out, only emptiness in their eyes.
Never saw the vampire feed in the daylight.
I have aged.
I no longer believe all things are possible,
Evil dose not lose as quickly as it should,
Heroes’ endings are not always happy.
Zombies and vampires tend to jump
out in front of me like a bad horror film.
I fear at times that I have been infected by the bite
Of the vampire or zombie that I see walking the streets,
Afraid that one morning I will look into
the bathroom mirror and see no reflection,
Or look and not care what I see.
As of now, I am still aging,
Therefore, I cannot be a vampire or zombie
because they are creatures of death.
Untill I am dead,
I believe that many things are possible
with faith and hard work.
That even though evil does not lose
when it should, that in end that it does lose,
Heroes’ endings may not always be happy
but because of them there is
a happy ending for others.
I like your poem describing how it is to be a balloon the only part I would change and its really nothing
is in the first stanza I removed it on the last line it just didn't look right to me
the poem has good form the one thing I noticed is the second line reads kind
of awkward I reworded it to flow better
I gaze into a mirror and start to ponder.
Have you ever had that feeling the soul begins to wonder?
I fell in love with a voodoo woman and those spells that she can conjure.
I can really feel the emotion in this poem but it needs a better form some line breaks for example
Sarah
I didn't believe that.
I just couldn't.
It was insane,
so goddamned insane!
He was completely out of mind.
Such things as werewolves didn't exist.
But still, he seemed so convinced...
I like your poem its very romantic but it needs line breaks for example
I'm PURPLE and your LIME GREEN,
together we could make rainbow magic,
it would be so peaceful and serine.
With those perfect PINK lips and those
gorgeous BROWN eyes,
one look is all it takes from you
to make me feel like
I'm flying in the infinite BLUE sky!
We both have hearts of GOLD
that others seem to forsake,
just take my hand and run with me,
lets get out of this place.
I said i wasn't in love with you but that
was a bold faced lie.
RED blood runs through my veins,
but my heart beats with you in its mind.
We can heal each others rusty ORANGE souls,
if we just take the time and take a risk.
Lets patch these deep, dark, holes.
Rainbow love is what we'll have.
It'll never break, bend, or bruise guaranteed!
I can be that good strong man
that you need, but you can lead.
Now let your past turn to BLACK,
take my hand, and never look back!!!!!
I like the content in your poem some of the lines are repeated too much
and the last stanza could use line breaks to even out the poem heres a
example keep what you like
Clutter: Is It in your mind
or on your phone?
in your heart or on your desk?
in your room, on the floor?
Or in your yard, strewn across the lawn?
Is it possible that the answer to all
of your questions, always ends up 'yes'?
for you to forever search and never
find what you're looking for?
can you love without lust,
as it is to lust without love?
or maybe empty life and
everything you believe in,
of the demand of clutter?
I like this poem it describes heart break so well and how the heart
can get stronger after it heals and I can really feel the sadness in
your poem great job
I love this poem its very sweet and romantic I feel the love in this poem the only thing
I am going to point out is in the first lines I think its a typo the t in gift is on the other line
other than that great job
I like the images you have in your poem its very pretty the only thing is it really would read better with line
breaks I did the same thing when I first started writing poetry and someone called me out on it and I was horrified but I took their advice and it really improved my poems heres a example
Deep reds bend the darkness,
blending the horizon's void to glow.
The sun's coming again,
pushing warm currents
to tickle my face,
like the breath in between.
There's light just below
the surface of anticipation.
Memories carry back your words to me,
settling my troubled mind and cradling me
in the breath in between.
Your voice falls like Autumn
-- leaves and syllables paint me
beautiful before the growing day
for all the world to see.
Your lightness rises like
the breath in between.
I am awake and I can move my bones.
Noisy taxicabs and traffic lights
blare away my peace.
The clock can only crawl.
I wait for you to beat again,
like the breath in between.
Then there you are,
filling my chest again.
The world drops away,
like fading backgrounds
in a familiar movie,
and the fickle clock unravels
faster and faster.
Controlling me.
I look at the minutes and pauses,
they are like the breath in between.
You make me stand directly
in the sunlight
but I cast no shadows.
There are no shadows
that you can bring.
Shadows that hide
like the breath in between.
The day races down
a country road toward
the other horizon.
It chases the sun away
and pulls aloft the moon
behind it, a balloon on a string.
We'll rest soon,
we have to, under that shine.
But until then,
my head on a pillow happy
until you withdraw on a sigh.
I want you to stay,
but you can't.
You can only visit.
I close my eyes,
more anticipation,
and the wheel goes 'round again.
Sleep lies down comfortable
on my chest, heavy and warm,
and I dream in pieces
about tomorrow on
my breath in between.
I like the form of this poem two line couplet very well done. the words you wrote are beautiful very well written
the oly part I would change is the first line adding dreaming instead of dreamt
Dreaming dreams of you,
Beyond they can become true.
I like your poem a lot I think some of the words you don't need I did play with your poem because I liked it I did a four syllable count on each line
a fallen swan,
with misery
pecking at her
leg.
Unable to
walk and
Dance anymore.
Gracefulness left
her,
to another
swan unborn.
Trapped in a hollow
white earth.
In a cold abandoned
net with
no mother and
father.
I like your poem some of the words you really don't need but I liked so much I played with it
and tried to keep lines at a three syllable count it was hard I did my best heres what I got
I do like this poem great job
I love you.
but we haven't
met,
I kept you,
In my mind.
Why aren't you
Smiling?
I've given
you all my
Attention.
I cry seeing
You sad.
tell me you
love me
Every day.
your trapped in
my cold dark
chest,
Never to
Escape.
I love you.
With all my
heart,
I want to,
trap you,
in my cold
Dark basement.
I would feed
you,
everyday,
With your
favorite foods,
giving no
Freedom.
Why don't
You love me?
I love you,
Giving you
gifts,
everyday
A white dress,
to suit your
Skin.
Why don't
You like it?
I love you.
I long for
your frightful
kiss,
I'll hug your
weak heart,
warm it with
my psychopathic
Love.
giving you
everything,
why are you
Sickly pale?
why are you
Sad?
why are you
Weak to stand?
While you were
sleeping in
your white dress,
I wasn’t
able to
Hear you breathing.
My tears fell
as I tightly
clasped your small
Cold hands.
I sleep next
to you as
your eyes closed
Eternally.
I love you.
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