Review of : The Disco-Dishwasher-Combustion Author : C.C.Moore Reviewer : Taniuska
Hi,
A very interesting story and you have done really well in making something out of the three word combination. Very creative.
Plot and Setting:
Good plot. The beginning was a bit dragged out and did not seem as exciting as the second half of the story. I found it a bit slow, and maybe more background into the characters might help.
Characters:
Great characters and the ending actually made me laugh... I hope it was meant to be a bit funny:)
Grammar:
"Chad was spinning in a way that seemed inhuman and he was glowing white."
Reviews and recommendations given are simply my suggestion, so feel free to ignore them if they do not fall in line with the direction you are taking your writing.
Review of : The Well Author : C.C.Moore Reviewer : Taniuska
Hi,
A great short story and works well at its current length. Writing style was quite impactful in achieving the intensity and feeling experienced by Mary. At the end when she was found by her boyfriend, I was surprised he did not mention anything about know there was an old well on his or his parents' estate.
Plot and Setting:
Great plot and loved the descriptions of the well. It worked very well the way you kept refering back to the small tunnel light coming from up above. This helped create a sense of fear in the reader.
Characters:
Mary's character was very well developed and with her reminising about her life and party, the reader is given a good background on her.
"I’m going to die down here, she had time to think." At this stage of the story everything must be moving quickly, as the kids are trying to drown her, so this sentence does not quite fit. Maybe she does not have time to think, rather than the opposite. Hope this makes sense.
Grammar:
"“We’re Were they old?”"
Reviews and recommendations given are simply my suggestion, so feel free to ignore them if they do not fall in line with the direction you are taking your writing.
A very interesting story, and it is great to see it from the point of view of the She Wolf. Your writing style really captured the mood of the dark woods and the She Wolf chasing her prey for her cubs. I liked the twist at the end and wondered why she decided to keep the human cub and not feed it to her cubs?
"They held private rituals..." - Who are 'they'
"She Wolf knew, though, that that did not mean food could not be around." I know when you read this sentence it is fine, but seen on paper with the double 'that' is a bit distracting. Is there another way to write this sentence?
"She Wolf continued tracking her hidden prey on soft paws which were covered in snow turned icy by her body heat and the cold air." The last part of this sentence is not needed 'by her body heat and the cold air'. The sentence works well without these extra words.
Review of : The Veil Author : Nikola~Winter Weather Warning Reviewer : Taniuska
Hi,
This poem is wonderfully written and I loved the intensity of the pace as you read on. I felt the poem starts of strong and is filled with detail but the ending seems a bit rushed. Just as the start the ending should be fully satisfying.
Reviews and recommendations given are simply my suggestion, so feel free to ignore them if they do not fall in line with the direction you are taking your writing.
Review of : In Spite of the Blood Author : KoKO Reviewer : Taniuska
Hi,
Your story has much potential and with attention to your grammar and sentence structures your story will improve.
Plot and Setting:
A good plot. Maybe look at placing more descriptions around scenery, giving the reader an opportunity to picture where the character is.
I was quite surprised by the Mother's letter telling Kris that he was a vampire. Totally unexpected. Maybe some hints could be shown earlier in the story, as I assume he has been outside and the sun has not killed him?
Characters:
I liked the main character, Kris. Would like to know more about his background and where he is from.
Reviews and recommendations given are simply my suggestion, so feel free to ignore them if they do not fall in line with the direction you are taking your writing.
Review of : Rocks for Mama Author : Bronco Buster Nikola Reviewer : Taniuska Rating: 4.5
Hi,
This story is absolutely beautiful and even brought tears to my eyes. It is one of those feel good stories that really makes you appreciate not only life, but the goodness of strangers.
Plot and Setting:
Well established. Would have liked to see a bit more description of the girls stands to get a real feel of being there.
Characters:
I loved the two young sisters. Well done.
Grammar:
All was fine.
Reviews and recommendations given are simply my suggestion, so feel free to ignore them if they do not fall in line with the direction you are taking your writing.
Now this was a great story and a very unpredictable ending. Definatley a storry for horror lovers.
Plot and Setting:
Strong plot, but setting could be a bit further developed.
Characters:
Characters are amazing, especially Regina. As I was reading the story I was looking for more detailed descriptions on her physical appearance and how it is deteriorating. As a reader we can guess and assume this is happening, but maybe could be expanded upon.
Grammar:
No problems.
Overall, the story provided an unexpected twist at the end, which worked wonderfully. Regina has obviously crossed over to the insane side, from her lack of eating and this over-dramatisation is great in showing the adverse affects of starving yourself.
Reviews and recommendations given are simply my suggestion, so feel free to ignore them if they do not fall in line with the direction you are taking your writing.
Review of : Death in the Mind’s Eye Author : Ixtharion Reviewer : Taniuska Rating: 4.0
Hi,
I have never read Lovecraft, but know a bit about it. It has a huge occult following. I can definately see the link in your story.
Your story is very well written and interesting.
The description of landscape you used at the beginning of the story is stunnig and really manifiests itself for the reader. When Lovington first talks about his reflection I became confused as to where he found a mirros as the previous descriptions seemed to be outside. Later in the story it is obvious he is in his office, but this is a bit confusing initially.
Plot and Setting: Plot works well and you have set up a good start to your story. Setting is also well established.
Characters:For the start you have given sufficent details on the characters and this actually creates curiosity for the reader to want to know more.
Overall, I enjoyed the story and it leads on nicely to the second part. Only other comment would be to somehow show a break between Lovington's dream and the detective finding his body. Perhaps a dotted line?
My suggestions and ideas are simply my own and please feel free to ignore them if they do not fall in line with the direction you are taking your story.
Review of : The Legacy of Vahn Vanguard - Prologue Author : Elderling Reviewer : Taniuska Rating: 3.5
Hi,
Your prologue gives a good introduction to your story and gives the reader sufficient details. Just watch your punctuation:
"Two swords clashed in an explosion of fury each warrior fighting to save their own life" - this line seems to run on and could do with a comma after 'fury'.
"Only one soul survivor and the other struck down in the prime of their life." - this line could be split into two sentences.
"The one struck down-my father." - I understand what you are trying to say in this line, but it does not quiet work.
Review of : Captured Images Author : Walkinbird bows to JRR Tolkien Reviewer : Taniuska Rating: 4.0
Hi,
Your story begins with a splendit description of Brother Julecre (whom we find out about later in the story), and how cleverly he lures the female vampire into his suite. By adding the line about magic being used against the vampire, so Julecre could trick her, worked well and gives the reader a good explanation as to why she was so easily deceived.
Plot and Setting: The plot was strongly enforced throughout your story and did not divert into unnecessary details. With regards to setting, it would be good to get more details on physical descriptions, especially when they went for a walk. I might have missed it, but was it day or night when they met? I am assuming night as she was a vampire?
Characters:You have given many details on Brother Julecre, and would be good to have more details on the female vampire. Especially as most of the story is from the point of view of the vampire. I think this threw me out a bit, at the end of the story to have the main character killed off. Not that it is a bad thing at all. I realised then, that she was not the main character at all. An interesting approach, and other's might disagree, but I found it a bit sad, as empathy is build between me (the reader) and her, not Brother Julecre. I hope this makes sense.
Overall, the story provided an unexpected twist at the end which worked wonderfully. It made me go back and read the story again to see if I could pick up any of the clues of who the Brothers were.
You have quenched my curiosity and there are things as a reader I asked myself, such as who was the female vampire and why was she killed, and what does the photos on her camera have to do with the story as we are only given details on this at the end of the story. Will you be writing more on this?
My suggestions and ideas are simply my own and please feel free to ignore them if they do not fall in line with the direction you are taking your story.
Review of : Time Travels the River
Author : Walkinbird bows to JRR Tolkien
Reviewer : Taniuska
Rating: 4.5
This is a short, yet powerful story, written from a first person's perspective. What really makes this story wonderful is the multiple levels you have built into it, through the overlapping stories. The opening line immediately catches the readers attention and keeps you reading further. Same for the ending line.
Within these several paragraphs you have packed so much detail and information, that it would be great to see this expanded. As it stands alone, to me it reads as a prologue, and I would love to read more.
The story shows the thoughts of your main character on various matters and hence is quite philosophical. This greatly enchances your story.
This was a very enjoyable story. It was simple and just about the daily life and chores from one person's perspective. I like the fact that is it from first person's point of view, it makes it much more personal.
This would make a great beginning to a longer story as you have established the characters and created empathy between them and the reader. From here the story can be expanded to encompass many different events that take place in their lives. I like the fact that the story revolves around laundry, which can have multiple meanings.
Aside from a few grammatical corrections, this could potentially be an even better story.
Best of luck with it and would love to read it again if you make any changes.
Cheers
Tania
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