It is intended as an honest and helpful critique of your writing. The opinions expressed within are mine, but any suggestions are yours, to take or leave as you choose.
RATING:
OVERALL: An old family tale of being snowed in after a christening that resulted in bonding, and a shared family recipe.
TECHNICAL: No spelling or grammar issues.
SUGGESTIONS: I would have liked to read some details and descriptions of the event. I'm sure the story has been embellished over the years. It read as a basic telling of the event and left me wanting more.
FAVORITE PART: The recipe! it sounds delicious.
FINAL COMMENTS: It's always nice to tell family stories from the past that have been passed down through the years. This was a recounting of an old story that would have made more of an impression if there were more details. Some names, some anecdotes, or anything that would let the reader connect to the family, would have made it more interesting.
Thanks for the recipe, and the story behind it.
Feel free to peruse my port and leave your helpful comments and suggestions.
It is intended as an honest and helpful critique of your writing. The opinions expressed within are mine, but any suggestions are yours, to take or leave as you choose.
RATING:
OVERALL: A funny poem about an experience with a geek plumber that is creatively told in the style of Edgar Allen Poe's, 'The Raven'.
TECHNICAL: No spelling or grammar issues.
SUGGESTIONS: None. It's amazing.
FAVORITE PART: I got a huge laugh out of these lines:
Standing there with pallor pasty, shirt thrown on in manner hasty
Dried remains of... something tasty?... on his shirt add geek mystique
FINAL COMMENTS: I'm amazed at your creativity in being able to write such a funny poem about an ordinary situation, in such a difficult style. The rhyme scheme is difficult, at best, and the internal rhyme is wonderfully done. I loved it. Your talent shows.
Feel free to peruse my port and leave your helpful comments and suggestions.
It is intended as an honest and helpful critique of your writing. The opinions expressed within are mine, but any suggestions are yours, to take or leave as you choose.
RATING:
OVERALL: A poignant look at an old man's life, through the eyes of is grandson.
TECHNICAL: No spelling or grammar issues.
SUGGESTIONS: I notice in the first few paragraphs the word "he'd" is used frequently. I suggest finding different ways to say it.
I believed I was acting for the greater good. That my presence there would make a difference. -- The second part is a sentence fragment. I suggest combining it with the previous sentence with a comma.
Not until the day he finally looked me in the eye. -- Another sentence fragment that should be combined with the previous sentence.
I don't get hungry or thirsty anymore.
Of course, I don't need to breathe anymore.
I think the above two sentences give away too much of what's going to happen at the end. Without the blatant foreshadowing, the reader would be more surprised by the wonderful ending.
FAVORITE PART:He gave his youth and his naivety away to war in Korea, all those years ago. He'd given his middle age to a factory, making cars and trucks to move things, but never going anywhere himself. -- I love your description of how the biggest part of his live was 'given away'. Nicely worded.
FINAL COMMENTS: I enjoyed this story of an old man as seen through the eyes of his grandson. The pace is good and the ending is wonderfully sad and emotional. Good luck in the contest.
Feel free to peruse my port and leave your helpful comments and suggestions.
It is intended as an honest and helpful critique of your writing. The opinions expressed within are mine, but any suggestions are yours, to take or leave as you choose.
RATING:
OVERALL: A very cute rewrite of the famous children's story, The Little Red Hen.
TECHNICAL: No spelling or grammar issues.
SUGGESTIONS: I suggest you write more of these. It's cute and bouncy, and I think children would enjoy hearing a favorite story told in rhymes. The rhyme's are strong and the simple wording is perfect for young children.
FAVORITE PART: I love this verse.
She spied them from the window sill,
Their tongues hangin' from their beaks.
"Now who will help me eat?" she asked,
With her own tongue in her cheek.
FINAL COMMENTS: I enjoyed reading this classic children's story in rhyme. I think you did a great job of retelling the story and sticking to the original version, without changing the details. If you wrote a series of these it could become a collection of poems for a children's book. Good work.
Feel free to peruse my port and leave your helpful comments and suggestions.
It is intended as an honest and helpful critique of your writing. The opinions expressed within are mine, but any suggestions are yours, to take or leave as you choose.
RATING:
OVERALL: A touching and emotional story of an elderly man looking back on precious family memories.
TECHNICAL: No spelling or grammar issues. Telling the story in first person makes a strong impact. It feels as if the man is talking to the reader.
SUGGESTIONS: I have a few minor suggestions. moribund - While this is a very descriptive word, but not everyone is familiar with it and it could cause an interruption of flow. It's the only uncommon word in the story and it stands out. I suggest changing it to another word, or a description of the water. There weren't any fish in the lake either. - I suggest dropping the word 'either'. It doesn't seem to fit, and you use the word again two sentences later, making it sound repetitive. My son (Spencer, Jr.) and Trey's (Little Spencer's) brothers - I think this would look better and read easier if you got rid of the parentheses and set Spencer Jr. apart with commas. Since this is the first time we hear Little Spencer refered to by a different name, maybe the parentheses are needed there. but this is my favorite, it was the first. - Replace the comma with a semicolon. It links two complete sentences and makes a stronger impact. wannabe - Unless this elderly man is especially hip to the younger generation, I don't think he'd use that word. I suggest replacing it with something more from his generation.
FAVORITE PART:Dadblasted! I don't want to be soothed into oblivion. Just because my body has started failing me doesn't mean that I'd turn into a raving lunatic if the room were painted a cheerful color or if I had real furniture instead of this plastic crap.Right on, Gramps! I like that he hasn't lost his spirit.
FINAL COMMENTS:I enjoyed this story told through the voice of an elderly man recalling his family's trips to the lake, and his beloved first photograph that captured the event. The story takes a turn when he becomes too old to join his family on their bi-yearly excursion. It's sad that he's relegated to living in a nursing home and can only see the photographs as they're added to his collection. This story is well written and a pleasure to read and review. Nice job.
Feel free to peruse my port and leave your helpful comments and suggestions.
It is intended as an honest and helpful critique of your writing. The opinions expressed within are mine, but any suggestions are yours, to take or leave as you choose.
RATING:
OVERALL: A peaceful first day of summer hike that experiences a thrashing last hurrah of winter.
TECHNICAL: Had I imagined this. What just happened. - Question marks are needed after each sentence instead of periods. on-ward - onward
SUGGESTIONS: I did know this though: "Seasons Come and Seasons Go". Maybe though, they didn't all like to leave. - You use 'though' twice in close proximity. I suggest dropping one of them.
FAVORITE PART:My favorite description: The silence was so profound and intrusive that it was deafening, for I couldn't hear a thing. The birds had all gone quiet. The trees weren't rustling to and fro any longer. The tall grass stood like soldiers waiting.This part sets the stage for the appearance of the freak winter storm, and creates anticipation of what's about to happen.
FINAL COMMENTS:I enjoyed this short story of nature's fury. Not living near mountains, I never realized such things happen. Your descriptions are vivid and made me feel as though I was right there watching it happen. Great job.
Feel free to peruse my port and leave your helpful comments and suggestions.
It is intended as an honest and helpful critique of your writing. The opinions expressed within are mine, but any suggestions are yours, to take or leave as you choose.
RATING:
OVERALL: An interesting, tragic poem told from the perspective of the tiger.
TECHNICAL: No spelling or grammar issues. The abab rhyme scheme suits this poem well.
SUGGESTIONS: I was going to suggest explaining what happened in author's notes for those unfamiliar with the incident, but the scenario unfolds within the poem enough for anyone to know what happened.
FAVORITE PART: "I no longer have life, but I have freedom at least." This line addresses the need of the tiger to be free from the confines of a zoo, no matter the cost. Death is preferred to captivity.
FINAL COMMENTS: This is an interesting take on something that happens far too often. I like that you tell it from the tiger's point of view, and let us see into the mind of a creature born to roam free, and the tragedy that ensues when he's able to gain his freedom. It's a shame they had to die, but that's the nature of both beasts, tigers and man.
Feel free to peruse my port and leave your helpful comments and suggestions.
It is intended as an honest and helpful critique of your writing. The opinions expressed within are mine, but any suggestions are yours, to take or leave as you choose.
RATING:
OVERALL: A funny story about a most embarrassing situation.
TECHNICAL: No spelling or grammar issues. It's written in good form.
SUGGESTIONS: None. It's great just the way it is.
FAVORITE PART: I like how you friend Matilda was so calm when she stated, "Well, the first thing we need to do is retrieve your bikini top so the guys can focus," {e;cool}
FINAL COMMENTS: This true account of your most embarrassing moment was hilarious. You puntuate the telling of it with funny remarks that make it fun to read and your descriptions put us there with you in the moment. I'm just glad it wasn't me. I'm still laughing.
Feel free to peruse my port and leave your helpful comments and suggestions.
center}A REVIEW BY THAYAMAX It is intended as an honest and helpful critique of your writing. The opinions expressed within are mine, but any suggestions are yours, to take or leave as you choose.
RATING:
OVERALL: A great rhythm and rhyme in this poem of the process of going from innocence to becoming jaded in a world of negativity.
TECHNICAL: I see no grammar or spelling errors. It's well worded in everyday English without a lot of fancy words. The meter is good and the rhymes are strong, not forced.
SUGGESTIONS: None. I like it the way it is.
FAVORITE PART: I especially like the second verse. It tells of how the voices of experience use their influence to rob one of his innocence.
FINAL COMMENTS: I like the thought and creativity you show in this poem. It's a shame how people go from being happy and innocent, to being jaded by life experience. Well done.
Feel free to peruse my port and leave your helpful comments and suggestions.
It is intended as an honest and helpful critique of your writing. The opinions expressed within are mine, but any suggestions are yours, to take or leave as you choose.
RATING:
OVERALL: Hahahahaha! Your bad flash fiction story captures the essence of this contest.
TECHNICAL: No spelling or grammar issues. I even like the spelling of 'hail-y'
SUGGESTIONS: None. Your story contains all the elements required for creating a badly written story.
FAVORITE PART: I love the way you condense each section into a few words to remind the reader what's happened so far. (in case we weren't paying close enough attention)
FINAL COMMENTS: I really got a laugh out of this story. You've written it so 'terribly' well. It takes a good writer to write so badly on purpose.
Feel free to peruse my port and leave your helpful comments and suggestions.
It is intended as an honest and helpful critique of your writing. The opinions expressed within are mine, but any suggestions are yours, to take or leave as you choose.
RATING:
OVERALL: A very nice poem that takes one back to the rush of high school romance and raging hormones.
TECHNICAL: No spelling or grammar issues.
SUGGESTIONS: "But it was there to lure me" What is it? Maybe 'you were there to lure me' would sound better.
FAVORITE PART: I like the first verse best. It really puts the reader into the moment that the poem is talking about.
FINAL COMMENTS: I enjoyed this trip down memory lane, when hormones were raging and your first true love is all you think about. Nice job.
Feel free to peruse my port and leave your helpful comments and suggestions.
It is intended as an honest and helpful critique of your writing. The opinions expressed within are mine, but any suggestions are yours, to take or leave as you choose.
RATING:
OVERALL: An interesting poem that leads us to see what becomes of those who follow a dark path.
TECHNICAL: Deceived is misspelled through out the poem.
The beat is carried well and makes a good impact with your wording.
SUGGESTIONS: None.
FAVORITE PART: This is my favorite verse:
Decieved into believing
this master of deceit
they now are but a morsel
to lay beneath his feet.
FINAL COMMENTS: I like the beat and rhymes in this poem. It doesn't sound forced, and the short lines contribute to a strong impact of the theme chosen. Nice job.
Feel free to peruse my port and leave your helpful comments and suggestions.
It is intended as an honest and helpful critique of your writing. The opinions expressed within are mine, but any suggestions are yours, to take or leave as you choose.
RATING:
OVERALL: A lovely sonnet that's filled with great imagery.
TECHNICAL: The iambic pentameter is perfectly in sync with great flow. The rhymes are strong and don't sound forced.
SUGGESTIONS: None.
FAVORITE PART: I love the imagery of these lines:
Along enchanted banks, a playful pair
of pixies dance to songs the river croons.
FINAL COMMENTS: This sonnet is well written in perfect form. The imagery in you words is lovely and conjures up a vision in my mind. Well done.
Feel free to peruse my port and leave your helpful comments and suggestions.
It is intended as an honest and helpful critique of your writing. The opinions expressed within are mine, but any suggestions are yours, to take or leave as you choose.
RATING:
OVERALL: A chilling tale of a premonition of a mother's worst nightmare.
TECHNICAL: No spelling or grammar issues.
SUGGESTIONS: This sentence reads like a laundry list: "Carrie cooked their meals, cleaned the house, did the laundry, tended the kitchen garden, then harvested and preserved the produce." I don't think the reader needs a complete rundown of her daily chores. It slows down the flow of the story. I think that to simply say that she did all her routine daily housework and farm chores is sufficient and would improve the flow in that paragraph.
FAVORITE PART: I love the way you describe the feeling she had a moment before her dream became a reality. Very vivid.
FINAL COMMENTS: While this is a premise I've seen many times, you've done it with such wonderful descriptions it kept me on the edge of my seat waiting to see what happened at the end. Well done.
Feel free to peruse my port and leave your helpful comments and suggestions.
It is intended as an honest and helpful critique of your writing. The opinions expressed within are mine, but any suggestions are yours, to take or leave as you choose.
RATING:
OVERALL: A very creative supernatural tale that kept my interest all the way to the unexpected ending.
TECHNICAL: No spelling or grammar issues, but youjump back and forth between present tense and past tense throughout the story. I think it sounds better in present tense and would suggest going back over it to make it all in one tense.
SUGGESTIONS: This sentence reads a bit awkwardly: "I, appearing as a little girl walking alone at dusk; barefooted, wearing shorts, in the fall, will easily attract the unworthy human to follow me home." Suggest "Appearing as a little girl walking alone at dusk, barefoot and wearing shorts in the fall, I will easily attract the unworthy human to follow me home."
FAVORITE PART: I love her nickname "Tara-Rizer". So creative and funny.
FINAL COMMENTS: I enjoyed this tale of a dark pixy reaping souls. I found it to be very creative. I love the ending where the hunter turns out to be the hunted. Scary but fun.
Feel free to peruse my port and leave your helpful comments and suggestions.
It is intended as an honest and helpful critique of your writing. The opinions expressed within are mine, but any suggestions are yours, to take or leave as you choose.
RATING:
OVERALL: A very sad and thought provoking poem told from three different points of view about losing someone you love.
TECHNICAL: No spelling or grammar issues.
SUGGESTIONS: None.
FAVORITE PART: They're all powerful but I especially like this verse:
"Don't Leave" she said,
closing her fist tightly around the wedding ring
afraid of letting go, losing him, losing herself.
One day, she looked in his eyes and he was gone.
FINAL COMMENTS: This is an insightful look at the way a marriage crumbles even while the couple stays together. The child is even drawn into the destructive relationship until nothing remains. You convey the dynamics of the relationships with suble wording that says a lot. Well done.
Feel free to peruse my port and leave your helpful comments and suggestions.
This poem is expressive of the depth of heartbreak that caused the brokenhearted to stand still in time, waiting for love's return. It's so very sad, yet hopeful at the end. The wording is lovely, the flow is good and the rhymes are strong.
I think the last two verses say it all. Very emotional and beautifully stated. Well done.
This is sad and funny at the same time, no small accomplishment. I like the references to being 'pale', 'seeing red', and the blood rushing to her head. But my favorite line is the one about not living together or being 'quite dead'. That was quite humorous considering the content. Good luck in the contest with this creative entry.
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