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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/the_dark_raven
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7 Public Reviews Given
7 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Rated: E | (4.0)
First i just want to add before i say anything is that i find it quite hard to review poetry because it's all about how you view things. So with that being said i'll continue :). I think you definitely have got the idea of the fall into depression down. I like how each stanza has it's own idea. For the first stanza i would make the reader see the bright colors and make them feel the loss as the speaker now sees how they are draining away. The second stanza i think the last line "now lost" is really effective in ceasing the sounds of life as suddenly comes to a halt. Maybe for the third stanza add how the speaker is feeling how they are "forever to sink". The last stanza is my favorite. i can see the speaker locked in this cage grasping out to the key to get out but it is out of reach. I like how you say " losing the key of me" as the way for the speaker to get out of the cage is to retrieve who they once were. Nice poem, this is just what i thought so feel free to take it or leave it :) keep writing
2
2
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I really liked this piece. I enjoyed the ending the way it flowed back to the beginning although i'm torn between the great ending and the desire to know more about the characters like the brother. So far i think this is really good, for my standards anyway. I'm not anywhere near a professional. My only advice from this is that it leaves you with unanswered questions about what happened at the towers and who exactly is the brother ( if he isn't the judgement ). Anyway, good work :) and keep writing.
3
3
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hi, I think this is a really good story that you could expand ( if you wished!) in many different ways. A couple of things i picked up on is that you could expand on Rumplestiltskin's desire for a child. He had such a strong desire he knew that he could use this girl to make his wish come true. The emotion attachment for this story ( in my opinion) is to make the reader feel bad for treating Rumplestiltskin as a villain and to do this more effectively i think you should maybe add in some back ground to him. Make as feel sympathetic for him and that way we can agree to him trying to get that child. For at the moment i still feel as though him trying to get that baby through tricking the girl is still at little bit villainous. Mind you the idea that he made sure she heard his name to win the riddle was good of him but what did he get out of it? You mention his want for a child yet he lets it go all because of the despair on ones face. Give him a situation in the past where he sympathetic to someone else which will help us believe him when he does it later. i enjoyed your story and i feel you could go lots of ways to make it even better :) keep writing :)
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