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Review of My name is Emma  
Review by thejoysoftrout
Rated: E | (4.0)
Well done. Very confessional, which takes a lot or emotion to write. I especially like the first stanza of this poem. Interesting lines and language for sure. I like beginning each stanza with "My name is Emma." The repetition works here. Nice job. I also like the short lines like "I run" and "I like him." They add a lot, bringing each stanza around to simplicity.

The second stanza can be shortened up a bit I think. Also, watch cliches like "hopeless romantic" and "I don't let anyone get too close." These are great aspects of yourself to be writing about, because they can add a lot to a poem. But I think you are skilled enough to find different ways to express these things using beautifully poetic language.

I think you should either stray away from the theme of love, or make the entire poem about it. The first stanza doesn't really hint at that theme, but from the second one onward it's your focus. I personally think covering it in the second stanza then moving on to other 'ugly truths' and 'scary things' would really make this well-rounded. It would need to have a very thin arching theme though. It's something to think about.

Otherwise, very well-done.
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Review by thejoysoftrout
Rated: E | (5.0)
Anna-

This is a beautifully written story. I love the first line, which leads into your excellent first paragraph. I could really get a feel of who Harold is and what is important to him.

Your strengths come through in your use of language and metaphor- the metal resisting him like everyone else, Downey Point becoming like the girl no one will dance with. The prose comes across almost poetically, which gives the story a dream-like, almost whimsical feel, which suits Harold appropriately. You use language well in that you describe Harold through his emotions and actions without bluntly stating his qualities, which is a sign of talented writing for sure.

My only problem is with Peter. He seems to come into the story suddenly, and I am thinking perhaps he is introduced too late, or it is because the narrative seems to shift too far away from Harold after we have gotten to know him so well. Or maybe the story doesn't end where it should end- maybe we should have more interaction between Harold and Peter to give us a better sense of both characters. We have a great sense of who Harold is, but Peter not so much. Just something to think about that wasn't clicking well with me, but others might feel differently.

But this is terrifically-written, very literary and interesting. Well done.
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