OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:
I love the title and how you use it at the end!
Your rating and genres are good.
You use my prompt well.
I enjoyed your story.
I like how you start this off and I love the humor you slide into this.
Your story line is good and it's believable.
Your story reads well and I wasn't left with any questions.
OVERALL IMPRESSION: Wow, you make this house come alive for your readers.
Your descriptions are great throughout.
I could hear the birds.
You really touch on your reader's senses with this memory.
I love memories like this of the times in one's life when we felt alive!
Another unique prompt/exercise to write from.
Are these from a contest you enter or some group you belong to?
My Overall impression:
Your title, rating and genres are good.
Great first line.
What an imagination!
Your descriptions are good throughout.
I like your thoughts on flying like the cathedral angels and the
plucking flower petals. All very creative.
Your ending is good.
Suggestions/Errors:
Watch your use of then..then this happened, then that happened etc;
Work on flowing from thought to thought/ event to event.
Hope you enjoy yourself here. Any questions, e-mail me.
Keep writing, Tammy
OVERALL IMPRESSION:
Your title, rating and genres are appropriate.
What a letter, sounds like a great vacation.
I like the memories you share with your readers.
MY OPINIONS/SUGGESTIONS: You share a little bit of the sight with us, I'd like to have 'saw' more.
I think it would enhance this item/letter if you had more descriptions on your surroundings to give your readers.
OVERALL IMPRESSION: Very neat idea for an In/Out.
Your humor is a little dark..I love it!
I enjoyed reading the entries, but couldn't think of one!
You set the scene well for this misfortune cookie.
MY OPINIONS/SUGGESTIONS: You need a funny or a wicked cookie fortune image to add to the forum.
I love your title.
Your rating and genres are good.
I like your line on choosing between cheers and tears.
Suggestions:
You repeat yourself in the first stanza.
ex;
And there is nothing, not a thing to fear...
And yet there is nothing here that is planned,
Plus you have mentioned that there is nothing in the preceding lines.
I'd work on expressing myself a little more...you use barren in the first line ...maybe use more synonyms and adjectives to describe the nothing that you are talking of.
I am a little confused with the second stanza, I'm not sure how the wind can change your loneliness.
Keep writing!
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and good luck.
OVERALL IMPRESSION:
Your title, rating and genres are good.
Your poem is pretty and sweet as you describes feelings of a dreamy state.
I like your 1st line that shows a dance move/ what a creative way to show a leaf!
MY OPINIONS/SUGGESTIONS:
My main thing with this poem would be if you didn't have the intro I am not sure I'd know what you were talking about.
You might expand a little on your poem and show your readers the leaf and the dreaming. Hope that makes sense.
This is a great poem, it just needs a little clarification.
Overall Impressions:
Welcome to the site.
This is a very pretty and inspirational poem on hope.
This is a great way to describe the hope within each of us.
I like your line on the waterfall.
Suggestions:
add some genres
You need a more unique title for this.
Suggestions from your poem;
Graceful Hope
Waterfalls of Hope
Keep writing!
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I'm so sorry for your loss. I can identify, I had a miscarriage in 2004. Your poem is full of love and pain. Your ending questions is very strong and one that we have to believe that things happen for a reason. I hope writing on this painful subject has helped some.
Suggestions:
You have parts of this capitalized that you do not need capitalized and you end each line with.... both are very distracting to the reader.
Keep writing!
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My Overall impression:
Your rating, title and genres are good.
Your descriptions are good, especially of the scene in th saloon.
I enjoyed your story.
Great ending.
Suggestions/Errors:
At the end where you are tying your loose ends with the money/sheriff, you might briefly say why Sally was even around the saloon..you had mentioned her Dad wouldn't let her even enter it....
think she'd be very happy married to a lawman Someday she'll make me a good
You need a period after lawman.
In para 3 you last line;
Then I crossed the street.
I'd cut this line it is not needed.
You mention the saloon feeling unusaul... silent and brooding , but you push/charge in. I think as a deputy you might be a little more leery entering the saloon.
"THIRTY DOLLARS??
You have this in caps, I don't think you need it to be bold too.
Hope you enjoy yourself here. Any questions, e-mail me.
Keep writing, Tammy
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