Very good idea for you to have this info and good info for the rest of us to give thought to. I voted poetry, mostly Japanese, even though until I got to this site I have never been a reader of or writer of the form. Certainly learning a lot since landing here though.
The rating is based on the visual I get from this. I suspect we would all like to know that, that is what happens as we write. Otherwise, why are we here?
Great job!
tom
Very nicely done. I enjoyed this piece very much. I'm not familiar with the form (one of the reasons I'm on here is to learn) but you seem to have mastered it. I look forward to more.
wonderful thoughts. I stumbled a couple times on the phrasing, but not sure what I would do to fix. The one line "I hope to forever be your wife"----if I had written it would probably be "I hope forever to be your wife". And the line "I wish to never be far from your embrace" I feel could be reworked a bit to have a little bit better flow. Overall though, very nice, I hope your husband enjoyed it. I did one for my wife, take a look
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Again, Love it! Certainly shows you have introspective approach to what you are doing. Keep it up, and next to last line you have thid instead of this.
tom
Very nice. Again, I know that this is a common and fairly standard poetry form(probably the only form I ever thought of as poetry until I got to this site)but I still find it difficult for my brain to grasp the words I require to get the rhyming properly done.
When I got to this site I started learning about poetry forms and it excited me to write some. New thing for me and at 64, hard to do. LOL
tom
Now this one I think is perfect! And delightful to read. Not sure I can do that type of work yet but will be trying. The only comment I would make is I would have put a comma after laugh and again after cry just for the rythym it creates and the act of, oh, taking a breath I guess is what I'm trying to say. If I speak it outloud I say laugh,,,,or cry....comes from doing some theater work where I had a director say to me, "Have several answers you can give, show the audience that you have thought about it before you speak. Then make sure you say what the author wrote!"
tom
I believe we need to be more specific on questions like this.
1. Do we respond rapidly to the aid of others when natual disasters happen? Yes of course we do.
2. Do we carry out pre-emptive strikes against other countries? Yes, under this administration we do.
3. Should we ignore or change our definition of the Geneva Convention (in force since 1949 and recognized by most countries)in order to use more barbaric techniques in our interrogation of prisoners?
Absolutely, under the current administration.
4. Should we define anyone who disagrees with the current administration a "Nazi" an "Enemy sypathizer"?
Absolutely, isn't that what is happening as we speak here?
Loved it ! Since I'm new to poetry I don't always grasp what a style is but you certainly put the words together in a wonderful way. Your final line blew me away.
Love the imagery found here. Especially the line "Ignore the answers of others to question ourselves". Certainly a piece to read and then take the time to do some introspection. Good job. Keep on writing !
tom
I am from Oklahoma originally, lived in New Mexico and been through Kansas......I think you captured to character of that part of the US. Since I'm not a poet I cannot comment on whether your style is correct or not but can tell you that the flow was certainly there and I enjoyed it. Thanks,
tom
Wren, I like #1 best. Both are very good but felt a bit rough with #2. You might try "After several hundred miles, Sarah's past rose to greet her with the stones." something along that line. Keep going though and I'm certainly see the ability to expand this into a much larger and deeper story for you. Obviously Sarah and mom had some issues.
tom
I've been through that with parents, grandparents, in-laws and my youngest brother. You brought those memories and emotions to the forefront for me. Thank you even though it was painful. One thing, {with out evoking tears}I believe would be the correct word. Thanks for a great piece.
tom
You have a really good story started here. I would suggest that in Chapter 1, you flesh out Syn a bit more in appearance and character. We see more of Val than we do of Syn. Having said that though, please understand that even if you did not do that, I would still like to know when you complete the story. Certainly would like to read the finished product. I read all of Ch 1 and skimmed through Ch 2. Keep it up! I notice by the dates you have not modified in awhile.
Tom
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