Interesting story. I like the streetboxing backdrop. the setting is vague, but the story is good enough to do well without a definite location.
York is well described through his own thoughts and actions. I've always thought dropping a detail here and there often worked best and you do it well.
The lazy/abusive landlord is an interesting twist. Adding the kid who tries to lie to protect himself from further abuse is very lifelike.
The ending seems a cliffhanger. Is there more to come? I think the story is worth continuing.
Grammar:
“Don’t mater. You gonna wish me luck or not?”
" Don't matter..." I think you just missed a keystroke. Happens to us all
There are very good stories in here. So far I've read "Purple Hat," and "River" and found them quite enjoyable. They paint a vivid picture of small town life each in its own way. My wife is a better judge having grown up in Arkansas herself, but I've visited occasionally and I like the country. I'm sure you have more to tell and I may pop in from time to time to see what's new.
A well related tale of past events. I especially like the explaination of the river's name, not everyone would have thought to add that piece to the puzzle. I think it comletes the background of the picture.
I also like the difference of personalities between yourself and you sister. If you weren't so determined not to be outdone, you'd have no story to tell.
I see one grammatical error that stands out:
If they were not a
good swimmer, they would be sucked under and drowned.
it mixes singulars with plurals. People speak like this all the time, but in print, it should be refined like so:
If he was not a good swimmer, he would...
I like the theme, hi-school life. I remember it well even after *ahem* years. I only expect it has gotten worse between then and now.
The social groups are very well rendered. I remember being a geek; one who didn't rise to his potential. I could probaly have done better if I weren't a procratinatop as well. I see myself walking thru halls behind classmates who had to duck to fit thru the doors. Your comparison to a cattle ranch is unique. I'd have never thought to make one like it.
Character development is fair. Could do with a little physical description. I do like Ivy's 'devil may care' attitude. makes for an unlikely pair.
I like the weaving of juke songs into the conversation. adds a certain railism since these devices won't stop playing for our convenience. the conversation seems like one they've had before since she plays his weaknesses in a way designed to cut him off.
I like the fifties diner setting (though re-runs of 'Happy Days' are my only contact with them). It's sort of run down condition is particularly engaging.
"How bout some food,?" comma unneeded.
It beats for you. Your's beats for me.": possessive 'yours' no apostrophe.
"You'll take me home, Ralph, she said. Take me home now.":missing quotes.
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