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6 Public Reviews Given
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Public Reviews
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Review of hunter and vixen  
Review by Tex
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This was a lot of fun to read.

To start I liked the "...talk a fish into a wetsuit." line. It was an original play on a type of statement that is used perhaps a little often. You blended it in well with out coming across s clichéd.

The interchange between Dave’s perspective and Amy’s perspective went well and it was enjoyable to watch Amy, so sure of her feminine guiles, trying to manipulate the situation the way she wanted it.

There was also the great use of irony, a manager of a customer service call center that doesn't like "...people clutterin' my scenery." I have to admit that while reading the scene with the boss I kind of pictured Jonah Jameson, editor-in-chief of the Daily Bugle.

All of that finished of with the twist of "plan B" had me laughing out loud when I reached the end. I know they say that review should not be 100% positive and should offer suggestions for improvement but I would hate to see you change anything.


Tex
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Review by Tex
Rated: E | (4.0)
I really enjoyed reading this and actually got as little choked up when Angela sent the drunk teenagers mother a sympathy card. That is a something only another mother would think of I believe. I love the emotional involvement you bring into the writing and your descriptions of the sea.

From a readers perspective I would suggest being careful with the word "had". When reading it I had a hard time engaging the story at times because of the passive nature of the writing. In most cases I think that leaving the sentences the same and just removing the word had would enhance the overall flow of the writing and help the reader engage with the action of the story. For example, "When she had played outside as a child..." Just by eliminating had I feel it gives the sentence a more active feel.

I look forward to reading more of your stuff.
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