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6 Public Reviews Given
6 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
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Review by Benjo
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi DR Smith,

I enjoyed your poem greatly; while poetry is not my area of specialty, this one flowed very well and was easy to read. That said i didn't find it too simplistic either; with good writing I always want to writer to know more than me on what they're writing and to always be one step ahead; and you were.

If I were to be constructive, for your benefit only, I would say that the verse on Egypt didn't make a lot of sense to me; maybe my lack of historical knowledge. Perhaps the cultural reference in this could be made a little clearer? As I said, it might just be my misinterpretation.

Anyway; keep up the good writing.
Cheers, Benjo.
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Review by Benjo
Rated: 13+ | (2.5)
Hi Markymark. I like your story; it presents a solid idea that's interesting and well structured. You've a strong sense of voice and your manner of telling is animated and very readable.

To improve the story a little, I would suggest making the writing a little tighter - especially the opening couple of lines, which are somewhat awkward to read. Also, it's fairly easy to see the twist coming about mid-way through. Maybe consider placing a red herring into the story to put readers off - I questioned why this story jumped away to a church and a funeral, and it became pretty clear when Big and Small mention a missing wife... Maybe put that sub-plot at the end of the story, to reveal the otherwise enigmatic details of the main plot... that's just an idea anyway.

Overall, your story only requires a little tweaking and your storytelling abilities appear solid: good luck with your writing in the future.
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