*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/vg01/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/2
Review Requests: OFF
179 Public Reviews Given
843 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
Previous ... 1 -2- ... Next
26
26
Review of Grace  
Review by Vincent Gaines
Rated: E | (4.5)
Fate as it seems was graceful this time.

We rarely get to be blessed by nature's movements. Usually it's a clumsy dance
of violent rains, or the slamming landslide on a hill, volcanic wedding day...etc.

We can only hope to be lucky, since we are in the way.

There are no natural disasters to be technical about it. It's only a disaster because
we are here. Without us the earth is just doing its job, shifting, changing, re-creating itself, much as we should constantly be doing.

Nicely done.
27
27
Review of Brunch  
Review by Vincent Gaines
Rated: E | (4.5)
Wild and imaginative...I can look past the arrangement of this piece because
it is so entertaining...

I don't think anyone has used 'corn flakes' and 'oatmeal' this way before...

Putting forth a metaphor for how worthless words can manipulate and falsehoods are painful daggers that don't always kill, but prolong sufferance.

The author is filled with disgust for these empty gestures to the point of choking
out the very soul of love, but keeps hoping and prolonging the inevitable...

Nothing is left except a blissful bowl of ignorance as the facade of lies draws
nearer and nearer consuming the mind.

Both are fools fooling themselves, and I love it!
28
28
Review by Vincent Gaines
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
I dub thee sir wigginton...the finest archer poet in the land...

Good job of showing just what it's like from your perspective.

I felt I was a part of the story, watching as the target is conquered.

With absolute will the author treads the path of victory, not wavering even in the face of fatigue.

Keep your sights set on every piece you write and you will champion your style finding the 'mean tone' and 'page presence' you've displayed here.
29
29
Review of Life Is A Game  
Review by Vincent Gaines
Rated: E | (3.5)
I felt the repetition was unnecessary.

There is no benefit given to this piece by saying it's up to you to choose 5 times.

The self help aspect is understandable though a bit obvious.

I would make more involved descriptions, there are many examples I could give
though I'll only give one movement as example:




Nearing my finish the dread of a million choices -

becomes the cause of regret

Was honor merely a salve when expectations grew wild

Lowly places held comfort allowing a weary mind to rest

The deserved and endearing voices of consequence remain steady -

even as my adversaries reign victorious

30
30
Review of Construction Crew  
Review by Vincent Gaines
Rated: E | (4.5)
Good job with pointing out how to use people's input to your advantage.

Your best friends are the most honest; whether adverse or accepting, the truth
is always the greatest ally of an author.

I will never be sycophantic or prejudice in my reviewing of others.

Each piece is it's own as each person is their own and even with "friends"
I aim for the most constructive and adult criticisms I can impart.

I like the entire piece you have here, though the plugging of other works is
somewhat of a turn off.

Honestly, this is good enough not to be weighted down with any other items.

If a reviewer wanted to visit your portfolio they would.

I would highlight those things and wait for the views to come.

The authors note could be modified and you could put: quote by David Brinkley
after the quote itself...



31
31
Review of complacent  
Review by Vincent Gaines
Rated: E | (4.0)
I can rarely give a 4 for a hint of rhyme, but I like this!

This piece could become a very interesting Gaines Verse!

Give it some thought, it shouldn't be very hard to get the syllable counts synced up.

I'll look forward to aged desires amiss and hope the wheel stays to yearn...

 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1412409 by Not Available.
32
32
Review by Vincent Gaines
Rated: E | (3.5)
Very emotional, though somewhat misguided.

I see some lines that are oddly worded, maybe a second edit would do this piece some good just to make it a more intelligently composed piece.

For example:

How can I stop myself from loving you.

Don't use the word 'that' to start the next two lines after that.

Pretend not to hear, deny 'what you' know, would be a better wording.

I am sensitive enough to feel your...would better replace:

I am not insensitive not to feel your...that line is wrong on so many levels,
just re-word it to sustain the authors credibility.

Finally, I am used of this, make it: I am used 'to' this.
33
33
Review by Vincent Gaines
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
This is the start of facing that fear.

If we were told we can face our fears instead of cower to them where would so
many troubled minds be?

My brother has the same disorder. Stay in the moment.

Stay focused on your strength and will to overcome.

Don't be intimidated by visions projected into your mind that are immaterial.

If all else fails don't forget your medicine.
34
34
Review by Vincent Gaines
Rated: E | (4.0)
This was interesting and well intended, the poems not the title.

The best thing that could be done for this is to take #'s 2,3,4, from the second
group and make that the poem.

The first movement in the second group is good except for line #1.

Make it less hillbillyish by saying straps of a dress not overalls.

Lose the part about the toddler, it doesn't fit without another movement to support the jump from an adult situation to a whining child.

The title is also lacking in interest. Shorten it and find the 'mean tone'.
35
35
Review of Blossom Carpets  
Review by Vincent Gaines
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Well conceived and interesting!

I think your idea is bigger than the form allows.

There are volumes that could be written just from the set of events presented.

Blossoms holding on, finding a place to rest,
then comforting their mothers once letting go...

Very impressive!
36
36
Review of The Puppet Woman  
Review by Vincent Gaines
Rated: E | (4.0)
I like the sense of empowerment this brings!

All women should be ready to face life and not be
afraid to fail.(all men too!)

The only way to learn is to fall on our faces.

We can gain experience from adverse conditions,
but eventually confidence is gained from the success
we find in failure...(life is contradiction)

Life is a test and every day you must be ready.
37
37
Review of Rage Within  
Review by Vincent Gaines
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
This is much better than the first time around.

The areas in the begining that needed attention have
improved and are more suited for smooth reading.

I did notice the line, 'what could I have possibly'
change had to have.

The line 'never asked to grow up so fast' needs a
simple re-wording for 'brutally.'

Leave behind the brutality called a childhood.

Also check 'cursed you in my darkest hours.'
Ours is written, spell check probably missed it since
ours is a word.

Skipping to the end, 'how I wept and raged'
make 'rage', raged.

Finally, 'could you see the bitter flesh rending'
I think, bitter flesh scarring pain, or bitter mind
numbing pain, would be better suited.
38
38
Review of Rage Within  
Review by Vincent Gaines
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
I would say forgiveness is overrated, acceptance is
what we all need. We must accept that people do stupid things that affect us and it's their fault.

I trust you've found some closure in your writings.
That is always a good thing.

Let's make a few quick points before I'm done.

The first sentence needs some better construction.
Put a period at 'while you played.'
Then start the next line, 'A fine example you set'...

The line about the teenage aunt should read,
'saddled with a crying infant.'

The line, 'I kept your secrets' delete the word were
so it reads, 'ones that if revealed'...

I don't want you to think I'm trying to be hard on you, so use these few examples I've given.

Go ahead and review the rest of the piece and make
sure the lines and words are proper.
39
39
Review of Natural disaster.  
Review by Vincent Gaines
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
This has a good idea, but due to the typos the authors Credibility is nearly ruined.

Right from the start you should Capitalize the first
word 'confused.' Confused, that's what comes to mind
when I think...

All 'am's' need to be I'm.

Check spelling for:
'senses'
'implosion'
'thoughts'
'caress'

The line, Long after the Sun...Capitalize Sun.
Then re-word the next part of the line for better
grammatical effect, 'streetlights begin to glow.'

Also check the line, 'with the wind, they begin
to whisper.' You have begging written.

This piece has potential but the errors in it are
going to hold it back until corrected.

I'd be willing to change my rating if you get it
cleaned up!!!


40
40
Review by Vincent Gaines
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Good use of raw emotions! Mental illness is a very difficult illness and humanity has made strides to understand that.

We have far to go in understanding truly what goes
on in our minds. Sometimes the only thing that holds
us back is our minds.

The line 'turn of events, what brought me here.'
Did you mean 'that' brought me here?

I liked the line, 'tumbling over one another,
jockeying for a spot.' I could see more abstract lines
like that one being used for effect.
41
41
Review of Whispers  
Review by Vincent Gaines
Rated: E | (3.0)
From the top I'll critique and work my way down.

Line two should not have 'as' written twice.

For example: He's stealth as a cat, or
with the stealth of a cat.

'Death' obviously the grim reaper, is lurking, restlessly in the dark, not exactly an epiphany here.

Vultures are 'screaming concern' to who?

there's been no other character introduced except death and he can't die or kill himself.

The rhyme scheme really hurts the poem as well.

The idea of death on the hunt wasn't really explored.
The poem is over with more questions than answers.

42
42
Review of REPENT !!!  
Review by Vincent Gaines
Rated: E | (4.0)
f*** yeah!!! I mean good job!!! There is quite a
pretentious lot who thinks all kinds of inbred thoughts and tries to control the world over it.
We are all pieces of stars and as such we're subject
to the whims of the Universe, the true 'GOD'
not this candy coated yeah jesus stuff force fed
into the minds of children to brainwash them into
being indoctrinated to the point of carrying out
suicide attempts on others who don't believe them.
Oh right that's Muslims...Christians today have no
purpose other than to be sheep. There are no pure
leaders in that faith. The ridiculous control that
has been forced on us by it is wearing off and the
real truth is begining to emerge. We're screwed!!!
43
43
Review of A Great Weekend  
Review by Vincent Gaines
Rated: E | (3.5)
I know exactly where you're describing. I lived in
Bothell before moving to Silverdale. So we're off to a good start. I need to give you some editing points on several things. A few sentences are poorly worded.
You should use first person when telling the grandson
you'll play checkers with him.
"Of course grandma will play checkers with you,"
and so began the night of checker playing.

I refuse to let any young one win at the game of checkers would be better constructed the way I just wrote it.

Proofread the rest with the same eye I gave it
and you're going to have a great piece!!!

P.S. I've taken all those Ferry's too!!! Thanks for
the memories!!!

You kick their butts and then I have another item
to critique. The line 'Grandma winning every one
until they were all tired of it' should be worded the way I did.
44
44
Review by Vincent Gaines
Rated: E | (4.0)
I like the intelligent idea that drives this piece.
Materialism is not everything and spiritualism isn't
everything. As with anything balance must be found.
In the information age materialism drives the economy.
In previous decades necessities were different.
People spent half the day foraging for food.
That's no longer the case and our time is consumed with frivolous thoughts and actions.

There are a few editing points I'll pass on as well.

I would say the 'basis' of materialism is money,
'epitome' is not the best word to use.

Check spelling on,'open window for further inquiries'

Check spelling on, 'think a little 'deeper'

Check spelling on, 'save them from doom'

There's a sentence starting a new paragraph,

'and why only banking' Don't start sentences with and.

The question mark should be placed after that statement also: Why only banking?

The rest of that sentence is poorly worded and should be revised as it hardly makes any sense.

For example:
Every business transaction is based on the trust between the mutual parties and their paperwork.
45
45
Review by Vincent Gaines
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is a bit of an enigma. It starts and ends very
much the same in a rhyming form. The middle gives
good support to the authors statement of longing for
a color spectrum night. My challenge is that the use
of 'hollow' color seems misplaced. The use of 'felled'
also seems misplaced in the context used. I would
see, a full color spectrum being a better description.
I would see, my fallen sight consumed by space, or
space engulfing sight, or even, falling space in
plain sight. The definitions of these words doesn't
fit what the writer is trying to say thus damaging
the credibility of the piece. I do give higher marks
for the cosmic idea here, but I normally hammer
rhyming poetry for its constrictive nature.
46
46
Review by Vincent Gaines
Rated: E | (5.0)
Black, eggplant, purple, violet, indigo, navy,
royal blue, sky, 13 shades of gray and the brightest
white we can find!!! Make this happen senior mods!!!
I'm pulling out all the stops and mailing all mods I come across!!! I will not stalk you, but this has been lurking for quite some time...I'll upgrade if
we get this done!!! :)STYX(: WANTS COLORS!!!
47
47
Review by Vincent Gaines
Rated: 13+ | (2.0)
a little too much like a martyr
48
48
Review of Shattered World  
Review by Vincent Gaines
Rated: E | (2.0)
Terrible things! Your story is troubling.
48 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 2 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/vg01/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/2