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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/vlh8079
Review Requests: OFF
65 Public Reviews Given
145 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review by i'mthemom
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Beautifully done. Kept my interest. Definitely moving without being cliche or overly emotional. Thank you for this wonderful, inspiring story.
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Review by i'mthemom
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
That was priceless, although I work with a bunch of programmers, and physics would be far more interesting than what they talk about!

What a blessing to have a job you feel passionate about, even if you occasionally bore your friends!

I thoroughly enjoyed your story, and feel with some revisions it would be even better.
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Review by i'mthemom
Rated: E | (5.0)
Bob-
As always I am inspired by your writing. And you are like a box of chocolates (you never know what you're going to get-but it's always good!)

Such a profound lesson delivered gently.
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Review by i'mthemom
Rated: E | (5.0)
Oh Bob, that was simply exquisite. Thank you so very much for sharing this wonderful message, so elegantly.
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Review by i'mthemom
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Of course, Lynn, I agree with you. We seem to be on the same wavelength in many respects. I do wonder sometimes how our personalities may 'predispose' some to happiness, and others to misery even in the best of circumstances.
My mother, for example, is seventy years old and in excellent health. Has a secure place to live (paid for my yours truly, by the way,) healthy and happy grandchildren who love her, friends, activities she enjoys,-virtually everything a person of her age could want, but sees the glass as perpetually empty, not just half empty.
In contrast, I see the glass as brimming over most of the time. Even though I'm in the position of feeling responsible for most of my mother's upkeep, I'm just grateful that I have the means to do that, and don't expect anything in return. I don't know what the real difference is between her perception of life and mine except that I believe in a creator who will provide for me what I need as long as I ask with humility and servitude, and am open to his direction. Perhaps humility is the key to the happiness we 'claim' to crave, but often not enough to sacrifice what we perceive as our control over our lives and our world. And sometimes it seems those least equipped, intellectually and emotionally, to pilot that ship are the most resistant to humbling themselves, and most likely to plow forward making the same horrendous choices for themselves and their families.
Didn't mean to rant, but it would be such a blissful state if we all placed more value on those things which don't cost a king's ransom, but are worth so much more.
Hope you have recovered from your root canal. I just got back from the dentist again after a brand new crown came off yesterday, and was evidently ingested (yikes)! I had to be fitted with a new temporary and wait for the permanent one to come back from the lab. Glass still full - this one's on him!
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Review by i'mthemom
Rated: E | (4.5)
I was very much inspired by your essay in which you described your enthusiasm for education, your accomplishments, as well as your trials. Most students who are the first family member to attend university experience the feelings you feel - alienation from family, and feeling like a snob because of how far you've come. Very normal, but painful nonetheless.
I respectfully disagree that education defines an individual - what you DO with your education ultimately will define you. How you use what you've learned as well as the values your wonderful parents instilled in you should carry you very far. Best wishes to you!
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Review of My Useless Muse  
Review by i'mthemom
Rated: E | (5.0)
Wonderful - I could picture the setting in my mind. And I could picture your muse, in all his slovenly glory.

We all have to feed our muses. And they are terriby fickle and entirely unreliable. Hoping mine will show up soon...
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Review of Winston  
Review by i'mthemom
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
This story really touched my heart. I liked the warmth and emotion conveyed - a real sense of pride in the way Winston was rescued, socialized, and made part of your family. Very lovingly told.

I hope in telling the story, you found some comfort. We lost our Border Collie, Jesse, this winter and it helped our kids to tell their favorite Jesse stories. Your story is a very fitting and loving tribute for a wonderful friend.

I hope you'll write more!
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Review by i'mthemom
Rated: E | (5.0)
Beautiful and poignant story. Very well done - I was very moved but didn't feel it was over-sentimental. I'm very interested in how you made the transition from novels to short stories. I struggle so much with keeping them 'short.'

Best of luck to you!
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Review by i'mthemom
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Oh my gosh! I laughed so hard and cried at the same time because my husband is ten for ten on the list. I have another one that makes me freakin' nuts - puts his keys down whereever he goes after he comes in the house - bedroom, bathroom, kitchen, study, bonus room. And when we're trying to leave to get somewhere on time, forget it! Can't find the keys. He's also taken both sets of keys - his and mine - to work. How do you not know you have two sets of keys in your pocket, both with the fob/clicker thingy?
And he is physically unable to zip a zip loc bag! He takes the bag of shredded cheese, and rolls it up so that when I pick it up out of the refrigerator, thinking it is closed, and the cheese flies out all over the kitchen! Aaaarrrrgggghhh!
He doesn't replace names in songs, but he does say the same 'funny' things over and over again, like when he leaves he says 'I'm off like a prom dress,' and 'penis butter' instead of peanut butter. Guffaw, right? But to his credit, he does so much around the house, doesn't lie, doesn't cheat and is still my best friend!
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Review by i'mthemom
Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)
Very well done. Unexpected conclusion - I didn't expect that at all. I kept waiting for something to happen to Jeff.
I'm looking forward to reading more of your work.
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Review by i'mthemom
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Beautiful story, and a wonderful concept. We've always wondered what our dogs would say if they could talk. Our border collie, Jesse, was a very serious dog, and definitely seemed to be on some sort of mission, where we were concerned - ever watchful and vigilent, never really resting, and always within site of us. We miss him terribly and know is he in Heaven.
There is an inconsistency in your story that bothers me - when you say the device allows Maury to communicate at a 2nd - 3rd grade level, I think that is understating based on Maury's actual thoughts. Might be best to either bump that statement up or leave it out entirely. I have twin boys entering 4th grade, and I would have them evaluated immediately if the started talking like Maury!
Otherwise, a warm, touching story sure to appeal to anyone but especially to dog lovers.
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Review by i'mthemom
Rated: E | (4.0)
Very nicely done. Very warm characterization of the loving relationship between the sisters. Could use a bit more at the end to wrap it up. A bit about how the event changed the dynamic in the family. Something to indicate why this event and the resolution were significant. Did the father ever soften, or express an interest in Tori's softball games? Did he finally concede that she did help around the house and deserved her own activity?
Wrapping it up nicely leaving the reader with an emotion will make this lovely story more memorable.
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Review of Innocence  
Review by i'mthemom
Rated: E | (4.0)
The first three paragraphs were very nicely done - painting a picture, setting a stage, eliciting warm pleasant emotions. You lost me in the last paragraph. Whose elbow? Is he a perverted voyeur, or just paranoid that he will be perceived as such for enjoying an innocent appreciation of a beautiful infant? I did note the use of the phrase 'almost obscene' earlier, perhaps to plant that seed.

The last sentence was very confusing for me - remembered what I had just learned... I don't understand this.

In a short story,the last paragraph can be an enormous challenge - wrapping up the story often in very few words and either providing a satisfying conclusion or purposefully leaving the reader with a question.
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Review of Cry of Youth  
Review by i'mthemom
Rated: E | (5.0)
So very insightful. It really made me think about how my children will view me and my choices in life in just a few years when they realize I'm not so smart.
Not at all like so much teenage emo ranting - very carefully worded and effective.
I would love to read more when you feel the need to vent again!
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Review of Ryan  
Review by i'mthemom
Rated: E | (4.5)
Can't wait to see how the cut on his neck will figure in to the story. Got my attention and made me want to read more.
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Review of THE LEGACY  
Review by i'mthemom
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Wonderful - I'm so in awe that you can wrap up this story so well but so quickly. Everything so carefully worded - not too much but just enough to lay out the characters and the plot and get to a very satisfying end. I especially liked the imagery of the wet money weighing down the dinghy.
I would be very grateful if you could take a look at the first few chapters of my book, Barely a Trace - similar theme, lawyer husband goes missing, feared dead, and wife is a suspect. Your feedback would be much appreciated. But we warned - I do not have your talent for economy. That's why I struggle so much with the 'short' story. Snort!! Thanks - Vickie
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Review of Home Wrecker  
Review by i'mthemom
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I see your dilemma- not easy to wrap this up. Not sure where you're going with the comment about the promotion. Perhaps she should come to the realization after seeing Jack so comfortable in the dad role that what she wants isn't Jack, but a man like Jack who she can have a family with. The promotion/career can't compare with that kind of happiness!
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Review by i'mthemom
Rated: E | (5.0)
Wonderful imagery. Brings back such vivid and pleasant memories. A lovely time before computers and video games, when kids knew how to play, and families where intact. Isn't it wonderful how words on a page have the power to transport us and sooth us? I've had a very bad day, but your story took away some of the sting. Bless you!
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Review by i'mthemom
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
As my twelve year old daughter would say, "OMG! Lisa is such a B-OTCH!" Very authentic voice, based on my experience with my daughter and her friends.
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Review by i'mthemom
Rated: E | (4.5)
Wonderful! I can still see the characters and setting when I close my eyes.
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