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26
26
Review by N.N. Bell
In affiliation with Horror, Inc.  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
FIRST IMPRESSION
Lots of small errors that were distracting.

ERRORS
Keep in mind that I only point things out that I see wrong or sound off to me. Most of this is only my opinion and you can completely disregard it if you like!
The professor and his attractive grad student Fiona followed on in my wake, James, my colleague, brought up the rear. In all my years of hunting and guiding I'd never been as far in as this, no white man had, that's what brought the professor here, brought us all here. (This is a run on. Try this:
The professor and his attractive grad student Fiona followed on in my wake. James, my colleague, brought up the rear. In all my years of hunting and guiding I'd never been as far in as this. No white man had. That's what brought the professor here and brought us all here.)
realise (realize)
dieties (deities)
The creatures surrounding me reached their heads (reached doesn't seem like the right word to me)
and roared along, ferocious, bestial roars (maybe try this: and roared ferocious, bestial roars.)
So this is how I die, a morsel for the gods. (instead of a comma, try a dash)

OVERALL OPINION
Keep in mind that I am one person! My opinion is just one! You may have many people with an opinion opposite of mine. :)
The general idea for this was a good one, but I feel like you had all of the tools necessary to make this outstanding and didn't use them. It felt like you were holding back. It was well-written, and I know you only had 24 hours (which makes this a great read given the time limit), but it left me feeling a little bereft.
I wanted to know more about the natives, but couldn't because of the word limit.
I would suggest going back over this and cleaning it up a little and maybe expanding it. It's good as-is, but has potential to really shine!

CLOSING THOUGHTS
Keep writing!
27
27
Review by N.N. Bell
In affiliation with Horror, Inc.  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
FIRST IMPRESSION
This is amazing.

ERRORS
Keep in mind that I only point things out that I see wrong or sound off to me. Most of this is only opinion and you can completely disregard it if you like!
I found no errors in this.

OVERALL OPINION
Keep in mind that I am one person! My opinion is just one! You may have many people with an opinion opposite of mine. :)
I loved this. It was sad but bursting at the seams with history. Sometimes stories with a historical feel come across as dry and brittle, but this had great imagery and was told in a way that kept me entirely engrossed. It left me wanting more. I wanted to know more about Eleftherious. I wanted to know his entire story.
You did a GREAT job on this.

CLOSING THOUGHTS
This was well written and drew me in. GREAT job!
28
28
Review by N.N. Bell
In affiliation with Horror, Inc.  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)

FIRST IMPRESSION
I could feel the emotions in this.

ERRORS
Keep in mind that I only point things out that I see wrong or sound off to me. Most of this is only opinion and you can completely disregard it if you like!
Ellipses are only three long. You have one that is six long. …… needs to be ...
Where was my conscious? (I think you meant conscience.)
How could I, She was so soft, so precious, so human. (Try: How could I? She was so soft, so precious, so human.)
someone, anyone and repent these unbearable sins of mine. (put a comma after anyone :) )
I entered the cathedral with pain in my heart and faith in my mind and it was just as I remembered it, cold, very cold and empty.
(this line may pack more of a punch like this: I entered the cathedral with pain in my heart and faith in my mind, and it was just as I remembered it - cold and empty. )

OVERALL OPINION
Keep in mind that I am one person! My opinion is just one! You may have many people with an opinion opposite of mine. :)
I liked this even though I thought the paragraphs were a little long. Sometimes people need to have things broken up for them to make it easier to read. I know that is the case with me (even though I am guilty of doing this myself!)
Either way, it was emotive and riddled with guilt. It made me sad for Gabriel, even though I felt like you could have really expanded on that guilt.
He feels remorse, but then after a time, he feels a little detached instead of upset. Almost apathetic, but not quite. He feels guilt, but it is almost like he brushes it off. Just an opinion though.

CLOSING THOUGHTS
This was well-written. Keep writing!
29
29
Review of CHARLIE HEART  
Review by N.N. Bell
In affiliation with Horror, Inc.  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
FIRST IMPRESSION
This made up for the last chapter. I like the hinting around at a second personality or a twin or something (though I am leaning toward the first).

ERRORS
Keep in mind that I only point things out that I see wrong or sound off to me. Most of this is only opinion and you can completely disregard it if you like!
When I wake up I am covered in sweat. cold sweat and everything is blurry. (This may sound better like this: When I wake up I am covered in cold sweat and everything is blurry.)
wall paper (wallpaper)
she touches my arm and glides her fingertips across my skin like she did on my rooftop. (The beginning of a sentence is always capitalized)
was stoping it. (stopping)
She takes a breathe (breath)
Look, Ginger. I know what I did. I remember now, And to be honest, I think I deserve it. You are the most amazing thing that has ever happened to me and I scre...”
(Look needs a quotation mark before it.)
They are in their street close (clothes)
looking down on my (on me)
as if they would have the answer. (As needs to be capitalized)
“Im glad,” I say. (I'm)
looses all his paper work. (loses)


OVERALL OPINION
Keep in mind that I am one person! My opinion is just one! You may have many people with an opinion opposite of mine. :)
I still can't help but like Ginger (or Sara?). The character seems so complicated and mysterious that she is easy to like.

CLOSING THOUGHTS
Next!
30
30
Review of CHARLIE HEART  
Review by N.N. Bell
In affiliation with Horror, Inc.  
Rated: 18+ | (3.0)

FIRST IMPRESSION
I'm not sure how I felt about this chapter. It was my least favorite out of the fifteen I've read for some reason. That and I liked Sheila!

ERRORS
Keep in mind that I only point things out that I see wrong or sound off to me. Most of this is only opinion and you can completely disregard it if you like!
I wish I had what Ginger had, that great epiphany she keeps talking about. (Try: I wish I had what Ginger had - that great epiphany she keeps talking about.)
Was there a war going on inside of her, Tormenting her? (Tormenting doesn't need to be capitalized)
I Swim over to the players arm (I swim over to the player's arm )
there is gold everywhere. Wow, I run my fingers through the hunks of shiny malleable rocks. Diamonds, Rubies, and Peals too. This is not a record player, this is a massive treasure box.
(Try: There is gold everywhere. Wow, I think. I run my fingers through the hunks of shiny malleable rocks. There are diamonds, rubies, and pearls too. This is not a record player. This is a massive treasure box. )
“What are you doing? Thats my body.” (That's)
She shakes her head and says, “Well, your doing it wrong.” (you're)
“Take what out.” (Needs a question mark instead of a period)
She says, “give me it.” (Give needs to be capitalized)
at my origin. (Did you mean organ? And it may sound better as 'at the organ' instead :) )

OVERALL OPINION
Keep in mind that I am one person! My opinion is just one! You may have many people with an opinion opposite of mine. :)
For some reason, I didn't really like this chapter as much as the others. It was well-written still, but it was so chaotic that it was hard to follow at times. At least, for me it was.

CLOSING THOUGHTS
Next!
31
31
Review of CHARLIE HEART  
Review by N.N. Bell
In affiliation with Horror, Inc.  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
FIRST IMPRESSION
I still like Ginger even though she is trying to kill Charlie. xD Is that bad of me?

ERRORS
Keep in mind that I only point things out that I see wrong or sound off to me. Most of this is only opinion and you can completely disregard it if you like!
hitler (Hitler)
says sheila (says Sheila,)
phycology (psychology)
a float (afloat)
Where dose (Where does)

OVERALL OPINION
Keep in mind that I am one person! My opinion is just one! You may have many people with an opinion opposite of mine. :)
I really like all of the character's interactions. They feel believable despite a very serious situation, and some of them make what would normally be a very dark read just a little lighter. This chapter was no exception to that.

CLOSING THOUGHTS
Looking forward to the next chapter!
32
32
Review of CHARLIE HEART  
Review by N.N. Bell
In affiliation with Horror, Inc.  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
FIRST IMPRESSION
Ugh! I share Charlie's dislike of Dr. Dippenhammer!

ERRORS
Keep in mind that I only point things out that I see wrong or sound off to me. Most of this is only opinion and you can completely disregard it if you like!
ligament (legitimate. Ligament is similar to a muscle.)
He says, “remember the turtle neck sweater guy who was after you a while back?” (Remember should be capitalized)
Bruce is still pointing, “that’s the guy I was telling you about, who we busted for... oh,” Bruce looks at me. He slurs, “did you bail him out? ”
Tommy asks me, “you know this fat cracker cop?”
(Try: Bruce is still pointing, “That’s the guy I was telling you about. The guy we busted for... oh,” Bruce looks at me. He slurs, “Did you bail him out? ”
Tommy asks me, “You know this fat cracker cop?”)
Were (We're)
Beautiful Ginger, violent mysterious lying Ginger. Terrible wonderful interesting Ginger.
(Try: Beautiful Ginger, violent, mysterious, lying Ginger. Terrible, wonderful, interesting Ginger.)
from begging to now. (beginning)
they found something in common to joke about... Me. (me shouldn't be capitalized here)
it was because all the angles (angels)
past out (passed out)
I grab it and sit down on the couch next to a snoring Bruce, I make a mental note to buy Cindy a pair of earplugs. (Try: I grab it and sit down on the couch next to a snoring Bruce, and I make a mental note to buy Cindy a pair of earplugs.
auto biography (autobiography)

OVERALL OPINION
Keep in mind that I am one person! My opinion is just one! You may have many people with an opinion opposite of mine. :)
I like the interactions between Bruce and Tommy, and how quickly they became buddies despite the earlier fight. It amused me and distracted me from Charlie's frustration for a moment. It helped make this chapter not so dreary.

CLOSING THOUGHTS
Looking forward to the next chapter!
33
33
Review of CHARLIE HEART  
for entry "CHAPTER TWELVE: TOMMY" 
Review by N.N. Bell
In affiliation with Horror, Inc.  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)

FIRST IMPRESSION
I liked Tommy immediately.

ERRORS
Keep in mind that I only point things out that I see wrong or sound off to me. Most of this is only opinion and you can completely disregard it if you like!
I take in a deep breathe. (breath)
Tommy asks, “what, you’ve been cheating or something?” (capitalize what)
“What happen to working exclusively?” (happened)
I say, “caught with explosives, huh? ” (capitalize caught)
Well, that confirms that it’s Ginger, I was expecting that. Selling under the table though, I did not expect that, who is this girl? I obviously don’t know her. (Try: Well, that confirms that it’s Ginger. I was expecting that. Selling under the table though? I did not expect that. Who is this girl? I obviously don’t know her.)
“It doesn’t matter. So you just did what she asked, what this G.J. person wanted, no questions asked?” (It would probably sound better like this: “It doesn’t matter. So you just did what this G.J. person wanted? No questions asked?”)
defiantly (definitely)
I’m starting to loose my cool. I never loose my cool. (lose instead of loose both times)
That is the questions that keeps rolling around. Why is all this happening? (Those are the questions)
You have a problem with run-on sentences.
Again, when I’m done with computing the problems, the answer always seems to be me ending up dead, or in a comma or worse. (Try this: Again, when I’m done with computing the problems, the answer always seems to be me ending up dead or in a coma...worse. )

OVERALL OPINION
Keep in mind that I am one person! My opinion is just one! You may have many people with an opinion opposite of mine. :)
Once again, you left me wanting more. I liked Tommy a lot, and I really want to know what Ginger and Cassie are up to.

CLOSING THOUGHTS
Looking forward to the next chapter!
34
34
Review of CHARLIE HEART  
Review by N.N. Bell
In affiliation with Horror, Inc.  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
FIRST IMPRESSION
I love a good conspiracy!

ERRORS
Keep in mind that I only point things out that I see wrong or sound off to me. Most of this is only opinion and you can completely disregard it if you like!
Even though I got her into one of my houses I’m afraid she is going to just he hanging around for some reason. (he needs to be something else? Maybe be? I'm not sure.)
Someone want’s me dead, and as of right now the prime candidate is... (wants)
they get stuff me into an (remove 'get')
“stoves?” (capitalize)
he sits down next to me, I put my face in my hands and rub the bruises. Try: He sits down next to me as I put my face in my hands to rub the bruises. )
I nod then stand up. “Where are you going, you can’t leave.” (comma needs to be a question mark, then you needs to be capitalized)
what was Tommy doing with Ginger’s book? (capitalize what)
carful (careful)

OVERALL OPINION
Keep in mind that I am one person! My opinion is just one! You may have many people with an opinion opposite of mine. :)
Oh man. This just gets better and better. It fills me with questions that I want answered. The story keeps unfolding more and more with each chapter, but not enough that I grow bored. Instead, it leaves me wanting more.

CLOSING THOUGHTS
Looking forward to the next chapter!
35
35
Review of CHARLIE HEART  
Review by N.N. Bell
In affiliation with Horror, Inc.  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)

FIRST IMPRESSION
Hate Cassie! Really do!

ERRORS
Keep in mind that I only point things out that I see wrong or sound off to me. Most of this is only opinion and you can completely disregard it if you like!
Even though I got her into one of my houses I’m afraid she is going to just he hanging around for some reason. (he needs to be something else? Maybe be? I'm not sure.)
“No, your not leaving. (you're)
She said that she (She doesn't need to be capitalized)
I ask, “problems?” (Problems)
listen to there problems. (their)
“excuse me, (capitalize excuse, I think)
It’s amazing what (don't capitalize it's there)
want’s (no apostrophe there)

OVERALL OPINION
Keep in mind that I am one person! My opinion is just one! You may have many people with an opinion opposite of mine. :)
I don't like Cassie, but I LOVE her double cross here. To be honest though, I wouldn't think she'd be smart enough to pull off what Charlie is doing. It does ask one question, though.
How is she paying the woman's medical bills without having any money of her own?

CLOSING THOUGHTS
Looking forward to the next chapter!
36
36
Review of CHARLIE HEART  
Review by N.N. Bell
In affiliation with Horror, Inc.  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
FIRST IMPRESSION
I want to know even more about Ginger. I really like her. She seems vibrant and full of life, but also very mysterious. The character has great depth!

ERRORS
Keep in mind that I only point things out that I see wrong or sound off to me. Most of this is only opinion and you can completely disregard it if you like!
I ask her if I can have one of her books, she says no. (instead of a comma, put a period)
“Well, I had no idea you were a writer, why didn’t you tell me?” (period instead of a comma after writer)
carful (careful)
mans (man's)
carful (careful)
heals (heels - You did this twice :) )
chap stick (chapstick)
I ask, “do you like it up here?” (capitalize do)
“Fear is what makes us vulnerable and imperfect, fear is what makes us beautiful.” (put a period instead of a comma after imperfect, then capitalize fear)
She says, “did you know your brain can’t tell the difference between the feeling of falling in love and the feeling of being afraid?” (capitalize did)
“Yes,” I say. “Either that or it’s love, my brain can’t tell the difference for some reason.” (period instead of a comma after love)
She whispers, “where are you going?” (capitalize where)
an touches my lips. (and)
I don’t move. “what?”
“I’m...”
“what?” I say softer.
“Im kind of sick.” (try this:
I don’t move. “What?”
“I’m...”
“What?” I say softer.
“I'm kind of sick.”)
this was a dear on the (deer)
wont (won't)
This was a tormented little child, this was someone like me. (period instead of a comma)
Ill make you some more of that coco.” (I'll. Coco should be cocoa)

OVERALL OPINION
Keep in mind that I am one person! My opinion is just one! You may have many people with an opinion opposite of mine. :)
I really like the way that Charlie and Ginger interact. It is like give and take over and over again. They seem like they just fit together.

CLOSING THOUGHTS
Looking forward to the next chapter!
37
37
Review of CHARLIE HEART  
Review by N.N. Bell
In affiliation with Horror, Inc.  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)

FIRST IMPRESSION
The part about Bruce throwing Bob into gang fights like a football made me giggle. It was great!

ERRORS
Keep in mind that I only point things out that I see wrong or sound off to me. Most of this is only opinion and you can completely disregard it if you like!
the sun (capitalized the)
Ginger to show up, I guess I am a little early. (Try: Ginger to show up. I guess I am a little early.)
“Great, thanks for asking, how are you?” (Try: “Great. Thanks for asking. How are you?”)
Im (I'm)
coco (cocoa)
This shocks me. I ask, “what was that book?” (Capitalize what)
micro phone (microphone)
"Lets get cozy, c’mon, we all love each other.” (Try: Let's get cozy. C’mon! We all love each other.”)
I instantly don’t like the man, I can’t help it. (Make the comma a period)
lets (let's)
lets needs to be let's a second time.
I look at her for just a second, I don’t respond. (comma needs to be a period)
conformable (did you mean comfortable?)
its (it's)
friggin (friggin')
She smiles, catches my eye and winks back. (comma after eye)

OVERALL OPINION
Keep in mind that I am one person! My opinion is just one! You may have many people with an opinion opposite of mine. :)
I thought it was neat that Ginger is/was an author. It surprised me, but in a good way.
This was as well-written as the other chapters, and it kept my attention. The reappearance of the marriage counselor made me chuckle a bit too. I really don't like her. xD

CLOSING THOUGHTS
Looking forward to the next chapter!
38
38
Review of CHARLIE HEART  
Review by N.N. Bell
In affiliation with Horror, Inc.  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
FIRST IMPRESSION
I'm not sure how Io feel about Bruce now. xD I'm so conflicted!

ERRORS
Keep in mind that I only point things out that I see wrong or sound off to me. Most of this is only opinion and you can completely disregard it if you like!
Like when the day after Christmas for young rich kids. (take out the when)
Recklessness, riches, miserable. (Try: Reckless, rich, and miserable. OR Recklessness, riches, and misery.)
thats (that's)
cant (can't)

OVERALL OPINION
Keep in mind that I am one person! My opinion is just one! You may have many people with an opinion opposite of mine. :)
I really liked this chapter as well. I think your style is a lot like one of my favorite authors. His name is Chuck Palahniuk. As I read this, it is almost like he wrote it in places, which is excellent because I love him so much!
I love the sarcastic, dry way that Charlie sees the world, because everyone has days where they feel like Charlie is acting, only he seems to feel that way a lot.

CLOSING THOUGHTS
Looking forward to the next chapter!
39
39
Review of CHARLIE HEART  
for entry "CHAPTER SIX: GINGER" 
Review by N.N. Bell
In affiliation with Horror, Inc.  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
FIRST IMPRESSION
Ginger seems awesome. I really hate Cassie now. xD

ERRORS
Keep in mind that I only point things out that I see wrong or sound off to me. Most of this is only opinion and you can completely disregard it if you like!
Someone I will cry when I walk in on her cheating on me. (Try: I need someone that will make me cry when I walk in on her cheating on me.)
can not (cannot)
My story is destined to be a ferociously tragic tale; a terrible young poetic death, that's not going to be very poetic to anyone but me.
(Try: My story is destined to be a ferociously tragic tale. It will be a terribly young, poetic death that's not going to be very poetic to anyone but me.)
sou nds (lots of space there)
She says, “no, I’ll be fine.” (capitalize no)
should blades (shoulder-blades)
my funny (me funny)
She says, “you just don’t give up do you?” (Capitalize you)
I say, “well, I just really want to make sure I get my favorite shirt back.” (Capitalize well)
“I thought you were kidding, you really do own woman’s clothing. (Try: “I thought you were kidding. You really do own woman’s clothing.)
girlfriends? (Girlfriend's needs to be capitalized and punctuated)
pre teen (preteen)
she shrugs again and raises an eyebrow. We don’t say anything for a moment, she just looks at me, a flat expression. (Try this: She shrugs again and raises an eyebrow. We don’t say anything for a moment. She just looks at me with a flat expression.)
Im (I'm)
oh, I have to see this now.” (Capitalize oh)
I ask, “you ever heard of the clap clap light?” She was about to respond when I cut her off. (Capitalize you)
The same Tommy (The doesn't need to be capitalized)


OVERALL OPINION
Keep in mind that I am one person! My opinion is just one! You may have many people with an opinion opposite of mine. :)
I like the way that Ginger seems to change Charlie all in one chapter. He is more responsive emotionally and actually seems excited about something rather than simply apathetic. It proves that he has another side to him that wasn't shown in prior chapters, so good job!

CLOSING THOUGHTS
Looking forward to the next chapter!
40
40
Review of CHARLIE HEART  
Review by N.N. Bell
In affiliation with Horror, Inc.  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
FIRST IMPRESSION
Holy cow!

ERRORS
Keep in mind that I only point things out that I see wrong or sound off to me. Most of this is only opinion and you can completely disregard it if you like!
ok (okay)
She smiles, and I wince. (get rid of the comma)

OVERALL OPINION
Keep in mind that I am one person! My opinion is just one! You may have many people with an opinion opposite of mine. :)
I liked this even though it was brief. I immediately hated the doctor and the wife, because verbal abuse should not be tolerated in marriage counseling, on either end. By doing this, you made me like Bruce more than I did originally, because it shows that he is stressed.
The last paragraph left me wanting more, which is always good. I would call it a page turner if the phrase would fit. :)

CLOSING THOUGHTS
Looking forward to the next chapter!
41
41
Review of CHARLIE HEART  
Review by N.N. Bell
In affiliation with Horror, Inc.  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
FIRST IMPRESSION
I like that Cassie came back and that Charlie plans to utilize her acting talents (assuming she actually has any).

ERRORS
Keep in mind that I only point things out that I see wrong or sound off to me. Most of this is only opinion and you can completely disregard it if you like!
Like Im a toaster (I'm)
cant (can)

OVERALL OPINION
Keep in mind that I am one person! My opinion is just one! You may have many people with an opinion opposite of mine. :)
This chapter was brief but potent. It took me where I needed to be storyline-wise, and bringing Cassie into his schemes was perfect. A little incentive to help goes a long way.

CLOSING THOUGHTS
I really hate Cassie, but her desperation made this chapter.
42
42
Review of CHARLIE HEART  
for entry "CHAPTER THREE: BRUCE" 
Review by N.N. Bell
In affiliation with Horror, Inc.  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
FIRST IMPRESSION
Lots of errors in this. Lots. Whole words were missing. The punctuation was out of control, and you had a lot of run-ons.

ERRORS
Keep in mind that I only point things out that I see wrong or sound off to me. Most of this is only opinion and you can completely disregard it if you like!
The beautifully full genuine kind of laugh. (Try: The beautifully full, genuine kind of laugh.)
“And you took down that French guy, and he just takes off down the street?” (get rid of that comma )
After that he developed a severe childish form of homophobia that has haunted him ever since. (Put a comma after severe)
egg plant (eggplant is one word :) )
you squeeze that green, I swear I should throw you in jail for it.” (and I swear)
I think he brings that because it makes him feel like a real golfer, Which he’s not, but I don’t tell him this either. (Which doesn't need to be capitalized)
We both look at each other, it seems like everyone is pointing at someone, then we swing. (Put a period after other and capitalized it so that it is a separate sentence.)
“No thanks, I’m a man of morals, I’ll just stick to shooting people.” He taps his gun and takes another drink. (Try this: “No thanks. I’m a man of morals. I’ll just stick to shooting people.” He taps his gun and takes another drink. )
He looks at me like a child who wants something looks at there mommy. (This line sounded weird to me. Maybe try: He looks at me like a child who wants something from their mommy. )
“no, man...” (Capitalize no)
“What about your program a while back.” (Needs to have a question mark)
quite (quiet)
irish (Irish. It needs to be capitalized)
“I know, what can I say, I’m cheap.” ("I know. What can I say? I'm cheap.")
“The fact is I went with you to your little thing, If anything in is this world was gay that crying fest was. (try: “The fact is I went with you to your little thing. If anything in is this world was gay, that crying fest was.")
My homophobic soft shell pet. How could I say no. (Try: My homophobic, soft shell pet. How could I say no?)
But I’ve been hit there more than once today, what’s another friendly punch? (Maybe put the word 'so' after the comma to make this sentence flow better.)


OVERALL OPINION
Keep in mind that I am one person! My opinion is just one! You may have many people with an opinion opposite of mine. :)
I like Bruce as well, but my favorite part of the story was the last bit of it. The smells, the feelings, the height difference as well as the mention of the gun. It brought me back into the story after the errors put me off. It was really good at the end.

CLOSING THOUGHTS
I like Bruce, but he seems like a bit of a cry baby at times, and a jerk at others.
43
43
Review of CHARLIE HEART  
for entry "CHAPTER TWO: CASSIE" 
Review by N.N. Bell
In affiliation with Horror, Inc.  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
FIRST IMPRESSION
Still really like Charlie.

ERRORS
Keep in mind that I only point things out that I see wrong or sound off to me. Most of this is only opinion and you can completely disregard it if you like!
I used to love that movie, now I hate it. (Try: I used to love that movie. Now I hate it.)
Something gives me the shivers and thats okay, I like the shivers. (Try: Something gives me the shivers and that's okay because I like the shivers.)
about all their wonderful little lives was nice, I felt like my life was nice. (This sounds awkward to me. Maybe try: about all their wonderful little lives was nice, and maybe mine was too.)
(The very last paragraph sound weird to me and the punctuation in it is excessive. Maybe try this:
When I’m done with the red eyes and pouring my deep dark hidden feelings into the T.V., I get a call from Bruce. Bruce says he feels like golfing. That means that Bruce needs to cry too, either that or he wants something. Or he just killed someone again. )

OVERALL OPINION
Keep in mind that I am one person! My opinion is just one! You may have many people with an opinion opposite of mine. :)
For some reason, Charlie seems very likeable to me, even though he probably shouldn't be. His apathy and general dislike of people is something that I can sometimes relate to, though admittedly, what happened to him in this chapter would have severely upset me.
The part about Spanish Soap Operas and Charlie crying was brilliant, I think. It showed that he was something more than a hollow, uncaring shell. It gave him some much-needed depth.

CLOSING THOUGHTS
I really enjoyed this chapter as well.
44
44
Review of CHARLIE HEART  
Review by N.N. Bell
In affiliation with Horror, Inc.  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
FIRST IMPRESSION
Charlie is badass.

ERRORS
Keep in mind that I only point things out that I see wrong or sound off to me. Most of this is only opinion and you can completely disregard it if you like!
testing it out; like it’s going to blow his teeth out if he isn’t careful with it. (These are two different sentences and once is a fragment. Try: testing it out. It's like it is going to blow his teeth out if he isn’t careful with it.)
I look at him and smile, the way you would when you don't want to. (unnecessary comma)
He says, “Is she going to die?” (That quotation mark at the end is unnecessary since dialogue continues after that sentence.)
If Grandma doesn’t, well she isn’t worth much to anyone then, now is she. (Try: If Grandma doesn’t die, well, she isn’t worth much to anyone then, now is she?)
you think that any form of attention, subconsciously equals love. (get rid of that comma :) )
She would let me read books to her offer to share her morphine with me. (Try: She would let me read books to her and offer to share her morphine with me. )
and those dirty hairy pigs (comma after dirty)

OVERALL OPINION
Keep in mind that I am one person! My opinion is just one! You may have many people with an opinion opposite of mine. :)
Even though Charlie seems like a bad man, I still think he was oddly likeable. He was easy to read and realistic. It was easy to get into his mindset because of the way you wrote him, which was fantastic.

CLOSING THOUGHTS
Great job! I am going to try to read the rest today. I'm going to make it a personal project today and try to give you the best reviews that I can, time permitting. :)
45
45
Review of The Bird  
Review by N.N. Bell
In affiliation with Horror, Inc.  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
FIRST IMPRESSION
I think this could have been fleshed out a little more or better explained.

ERRORS
Keep in mind that I only point things out that I see wrong or sound off to me. Most of this is only opinion and you can completely disregard it if you like!Unless your scared?” (you're)
There were a lot of punctuation and capitalization issues in this.
A chest of draws (drawers)
bare to live there (bear)

OVERALL OPINION
Keep in mind that I am one person! My opinion is just one! You may have many people with an opinion opposite of mine. :)
I loved the prompt for the daily slice, but I think that Raven's are a little too cliche sometimes. It just brings to mind Edgar Allan Poe. I feel like you could have expanded on the eeriness of the bird and better explained Dean's disappearance. Just saying he never came out told me very little.
It was still a good read overall, but I think a little extra time put into this would make it even better!

CLOSING THOUGHTS
Keep writing!
46
46
Review by N.N. Bell
In affiliation with Horror, Inc.  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
FIRST IMPRESSION
Pandocalpyse FTW!

ERRORS
Keep in mind that I only point things out that I see wrong or sound off to me. Most of this is only opinion and you can completely disregard it if you like!
I found no errors in this.

OVERALL OPINION
Keep in mind that I am one person! My opinion is just one! You may have many people with an opinion opposite of mine. :)
Pandocalpyyyyyypse.
I thoroughly enjoyed this. It was well-written, original, and I loved all of the little scientific details to this. I have a hard time coming up with things that sound realistic, but you managed to do it flawlessly. Bravo!
I actually have no nitpicks about this either. I thought you did an excellent job, and it was much better than something I could come up with!

CLOSING THOUGHTS
This was excellent, and everything that you wrote made perfect sense. :)
47
47
Review of Zombies  
Review by N.N. Bell
In affiliation with Horror, Inc.  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
FIRST IMPRESSION
The mom was a very nice touch.

ERRORS
Keep in mind that I only point things out that I see wrong or sound off to me. Most of this is only opinion and you can completely disregard it if you like!
I don't remember seeing any errors in this.

OVERALL OPINION
Keep in mind that I am one person! My opinion is just one! You may have many people with an opinion opposite of mine. :)
I really enjoyed this. It was oddly realistic and I could see everything that you wrote clearly. The piece was descriptive and well-written. Kudos!

CLOSING THOUGHTS
I look forward to seeing more from you!
48
48
Review by N.N. Bell
In affiliation with Horror, Inc.  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
FIRST IMPRESSION
Holy CRAP.

ERRORS
Keep in mind that I only point things out that I see wrong or sound off to me. Most of this is only opinion and you can completely disregard it if you like!
I found no errors in this.

OVERALL OPINION
Keep in mind that I am one person! My opinion is just one! You may have many people with an opinion opposite of mine. :)
Again, holy CRAP. Billy was completely psychotic! Yes, what Jimmy did was bad, but killing a whole family? This was MADDENINGLY creepy. Great job on the prompt! You executed (haha) this perfectly!
AMAZING read!

CLOSING THOUGHTS
You did a really good job on this.
49
49
Review of Pain  
Review by N.N. Bell
In affiliation with Horror, Inc.  
Rated: E | (3.0)

FIRST IMPRESSION
I have been there.

ERRORS
Keep in mind that I only point things out that I see wrong or sound off to me. Most of this is only opinion and you can completely disregard it if you like!
why can't me heart just die? (my heart)
These wound are so sore (wounds)
Why I can still not see the dawn? (Why can't I still not see the dawn?)
You needed some punctuation at the end of lines, and you missed a few question marks in the process.

OVERALL OPINION
Keep in mind that I am one person! My opinion is just one! You may have many people with an opinion opposite of mine. :)
This was okay, but it would be better if you evened out the flow of it a little bit. Some lines were really long while others were short, which kind of made the whole thing seem cluttered.
As for the content, I have been there. You did a great job at conveying the emotions you'd endeavored to, so kudos!

CLOSING THOUGHTS
Give it a quick edit and it would be much better!

Keep writing!
50
50
Review of Darkness  
Review by N.N. Bell
In affiliation with Horror, Inc.  
Rated: E | (4.5)
FIRST IMPRESSION
This came across as very deep.

ERRORS
Keep in mind that I only point things out that I see wrong or sound off to me. Most of this is only opinion and you can completely disregard it if you like!
Some punctuation at the end of some lines would make this look a little better. :)

OVERALL OPINION
Keep in mind that I am one person! My opinion is just one! You may have many people with an opinion opposite of mine. :)
I really liked reading this, because it really drew me into a war. Nightmares, hiding, "sanity broken by the cruelty of the living". Every single word seems like it was carefully selected to construct this poem, and your efforts were not wasted. It's really great!

CLOSING THOUGHTS
You did a really good job on this. I can see the effort you put into every line. Everything about it works.
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