Dear Thaddeus,
I met Mr. Williams twice during my years in Los Angeles. The first time, although humour was beyond description, personally he was difficult to be around for me. Sort of distracting. I mean that as a compliment, as I only wanted to pay attention to him, to what he was saying, to how he said it. At times, his thoughts seemed at first disjointed, although later, somehow the points came together for me. What at first didn't make sense, somehow now was clear.
I met him next a few years after Belushi's death. He seemed more subdued, more introspective. He seemed almost careful about what he would let out. I found him so different. Please, do not mistake these statements as me trying to say I knew him. I didn't I met him only in passing and only the first time in private, just the two of us and only for a few minutes. So, I can't tell what inner forces were at work, I don't tend to think of those, as some do, as demons. I think of them as an uncontrollable force he was blessed, or cursed with depending on view.
Some candles burn brighter, for a shorter period of time. Some are very dim, he was the brightest perhaps of the many that now grace the stars above.
You did well.
Gene
Well Bob, when I saw Arizona, desert living and strange friends, I bit. I suppose, since it is fiction, I should give some slck. But, to be honest, a coyote, a javelina, even a hawk, I would have bought, but a rattlesnake. Sorry, I can't. I lived in most of Arizona from the mid point south. Now, I have seen a man make friends with wild lions, but even he said, "There isn't a way to make friends with a leopard.". I feel the same about Rattlesnakes. I would have even made believe if you have said Gila Monster, but in the same way, I would not have bought a scorpion. There are some animals, I don't care how well meaning a person is,will willingly make friends. Now you might keep a rattler in a cage, a sack, even a box. But, in no way is that animal going to befriend anyone. No matter how you try, feed them and talk to them, I can't be made to believe. My only suggestion, in order to lift the curtain of disbelief, choose another critter.
I hope this helps.
It is an interesting start. It may be a little more appealing to me, since I am 63 and your male character in this part is 62. In a way I am not accustomed to reading a story from a woman's point of view. I am finding the different viewpoint interesting. The story is not too sticky sweet, as I have found on occasion with a woman writer.
I do hope you continue to add to this story. I am writing an action/adventure about an out of the way place in Arizona. The only suggestion, don't rely on a grammar checker or a spell checker too much. I noticed a couple of errors. You wrote, "He hasn't even spoken to me since we came back for Reno the night we broke up." In my mind it should read "from Reno". Just to give you an example. A spell checker would not find it and a grammar checker would probably not catch it either. I am having the same problem in a way. I am on my third re-write. My novel is over 120,000 words, so I face cutting it and correcting the same type of mistakes. I also want to get rid of as much passive voice as I can. One reviewer gave me a great tip I thought, "Show me don't tell me". You seem well on your way in that area. Keep up the good work. I hope to see more.
I am relatively new to WDC. This is one of those mornings just begging for something different. Exploring in life, in travels and in many areas is always interesting. Such is the case here. A genre and style I would normally pass, I became interested in the title while looking for adventure. Being male hetrosexual it is a new experience to explore the thoughts of another style. I think, though I am not sure, this is written by such a person. The question, as it should lingers in the mind. Is it actually a fiction of the mind drawn completely from fiction or a combination of life experience sprinkled into the story. I enjoyed the story and will not ruin the surprizes for the next reader. It does answer the question though, thank you.
To be honest I think the half page did what you intended, it made me want to know more. A very descriptive account of what happened on that occasion. I believe the writer went through the event. I can smell the smoke feel the pressure on the ribs, the account is vivid, although too short, perhaps there is more to come.
Hi Leslie,
I really enjoyed your adventure. I know it was just a short story, but I could see the whole thing through your eyes. It has been a very long time since I rode trails and they were out in the wild country of Arizona. Much different from your mud soaked eastern trails. I did own a tall roan, with some of the longest ears on a horse I'd ever seen. I used to work out in a place called Fort Grant, Arizona. It was an Industrial school for boys. A polite name for a boys prison.
One of my jobs was to catch run aways. Nearly all the kids were city boys and this place was 40 miles one direction from a town, 60 miles another direction and god know how far it was to the west, to the east it was Mount Graham. We had a half Apache Half Mexican old timer who could track who worked on a ranch called Dos Cabasos. It was real fun running done those kids who had no idea what they were getting into when the left the place.
Anyway, keep up the good work and let me know if you get an itch to write another. You can see the start of mine if you'd like, it is centered around the place I was telling you about. 1968604 The Telling
Groovystella,
I want to state upfront, I work many decades ago in a max security prison. I can honestly state to the best of my knowledge I never met an innocent person in the prison system. In some cases I gues I would include the guards. Just like the guard you described in your story, I met a few like that.
Overall, I enjoyed your short story. Not all details made sense, but after I worked in that prison, I was a cop for several years. I learned then that not every crime makes sense. So to me that some details didn't make sense, even made it more believeable.
I gues what I am getting at is the story is worth working on. If it was worked to the fullest extent it would make a good novel. It would take a lot of research and a lot of work. To me I see that as hlf the fun.
You done the first part, you have come up with a plausible senario. The work is in front of you if you choose to follow. If you do I wish you the best of luck.
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