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54 Public Reviews Given
55 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review by Xean
Rated: E | (4.0)
STUDIOXEAN Presents:

:)XPRESSIONS iNTERACTIVE):

Glimpses of Heaven

Hover your mouse over color areas to reveal hidden details in the fabric of this review!


PROS: Evocative.
CONS: Flair.

A poem on the splendors of evening.

Hello Nancy,

I have chosen this work because it is somewhat similar to The Dancing King, but in contrast to mine, it represents the reverse poetic style. To the observant, there are two types of poetry, both equally good when crafted well: one which rhymes phonetically and one which doesn't. Though your poem does rhyme phonetically in 3rd, 4th and 5th stanzas, it was obviously designed to be subtle in that regard, resonant but not visibly so. It is a style which fits well to it.

I am not one, but I know there are many who have hard-set preferences between the two types of styles. Bear in mind however, each has it's advantages and appeal to the individual composer and though each may perceive the other as unaccomplished works from their focal point, it is mostly a matter of perception; which is why I have no need to discuss your poetic style in review. Dancing King started a soon to be published poetry series after gaining the attention of and winning a poetry contest from affiliate publishers of the Harry Potter books. Hopefully yours achieves similar success, for though stylistically different, it is nonetheless a work of considered achievement.


From reading it, I can see that:
-> Your poem has a mysterious quality to it, being it fixes no exact focus and the directional words used are vague, e.g.: this canvas, that north place.
-> Though the last three paragraphs are phonetically rhyming, the first two do not and the feeling on un-rhymed nature transcends into the second half, effectively creating the illusion of an un-rhymed poem.
-> The rhythm is neither abrupt nor entirely free flowing, depending on which vantage point it is viewed. It is however an adequately metered verse.


Appealing things about your work:
-> The evocative nature of your poem invokes a transcendental quality which combines well with a light atmosphere of mystery, heightened by the nighttime setting.
-> Your work is well composed, free from grammar errors.


Things I believe you can do to make this piece better:
-> Your choice of words can be better improved augmenting another essential quality of your piece: verbal rhythm. This can be accomplished by adding flair phrases, words that invoke wit. Such as:

'And colors in flight', instead of 'And colors and light'.
'Spread over meadow fields', instead of 'And spread over fields.

-> You can also add phonetic rhyme to the first two stanzas so they better flow with the later 3.


XPRESScore: 4.0

Keep up the good work and good luck! :D


Xean
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#X200WDC58 Hover here!


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
2
2
Review of I AM  
Review by Xean
Rated: E | (4.5)
I Am :)XPRESSIONS):

PROS: Evocative
CONS: Could have been effectively composed poetically, to greater effect.

A prose work of self-definition within the unity of love.

Hello Dreamin1,
It is a pleasure to have your work for review today.

From reading it, I can see that:
-> It is a well refined work, with no grammar errors.
-> Your sentences flow smoothly with a touch of rhythm.
-> There is also hintings of rhyme in certain centences.

Appealing things about your work:
-> The inspirational nature of the prose which evokes comfort and meaning.

Things I believe you can do to make this piece better:
-> None.


XPRESScore: 4.5


Keep up the good work and good luck! :D


Xean
Prize-winning poet, writer & independent reviewer.
writing.com/main/portfolio/view/xean
facebook.com/xean
twitter.com/ixean




**:)XPRESSIONS): logo, XPRESSIONS and XPRESScore are reserved trademarks of Xean enterprises. Review is only an individual opinion. All opinions expressed in reviews should be carefully considered by the author before taking further action. If you find this review helpful in any way, you are welcome to share your thoughts and ratings on any item in Xean's portfolio. All reviews are reciprocated. Thank you.
#X197WDC55

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
3
3
Review by Xean
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Heroes I :)XPRESSIONS):

PROS: Higly detailed adventure fantasy
CONS: Refinement, context, grammar.

A group of humans with fantastic powers embarks on a perilous adventure to stop the Lighthouses which their powers are connected to from being lit and causing the end of the world.

Hello Kyle,
It has been a pleasure reading all eleven chapters of your book. In summary, here are some final thoughts:

-> Your book is very vivid and descriptive. A work of great imagination.
-> The chapters were written with attention to developing the story, which is an expedient way of composition. It is only natural therefore that later drafts will be the ones to refine it.
-> Adventure has good emotional variance, including moments of suspense, light comedy, and romance.
-> Flow is good througout, though hampered in certain already stated areas by lack of refinement.
-> Characters are well developed and relatable.
-> Scenery is well described and fitting.

Appealing things about your work:
-> Storyline is attractive and suspense maintains interest well.
-> Detail is very well done throughout.
-> I like the imagery and your vision of creating a wide ranging fantasy epic, which shines through although this is as yet an unrefined draft.
-> This book has been on the overall an interestingly good read, although i'm sure it is but a pale preview to the completed story.

Things I believe you can do to make this piece better:
-> There is a tendency to focus on events occuring in the past, let this not interrupt the flow of story in the present timeframe.
-> The beginning chapters struggle with contextual and grammatical errors which grow less frequent as chapters progress. The first half needs more refinement than the second but they both need revision.
-> Light comedy and romance could be strengthened in later drafts, perhaps by including them earlier and more frequently in the story. For example, the romance between the female lead and Garen can be more elaborated upon and more comedy added throughout.


XPRESScore: 4.5


Keep up the good work and good luck! :D


Xean

Do any reviewing? Not a member of any Review Group? Are you a team player? If your answer is yes, being part of the proposed XTERNITY Review Team may be for you. We are looking for stable and persevering writers and reviewers, willing to create a new WDC Reviewing Group. If interested, e-mail Xean via portfolio contact for more information. We look forward to having you on our Team! :D



**:)XPRESSIONS): logo, XPRESSIONS and XPRESScore are reserved trademarks of Xean enterprises. Review is only an individual opinion. All opinions expressed in reviews should be carefully considered by the author before taking further action. If you find my review helpful in any way, you are welcome to share your thoughts and rating on my own works, accessed by going to my portfolio. Thank you.
#X196WDC54

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
4
4
for entry "Invalid Entry" 
Review by Xean
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Heroes 1: Chapter XI :)XPRESSIONS):

PROS: Well Written
CONS: Unfulfillment

Kyle,
I've read the last chapter of Heroes 1 and this review is for it.

From reading it, I can see that:
-> Chapter starts with good flow continuance from previous chapter.
-> This is decidedly the most well written chapter in the entire book.
-> Has good descriptiveness but feels as if a conclusion is lacking.

Appealing things about your work:
-> The refinement and mystery ending.

Things I believe you can do to make this piece better:
-> There is a sense of unfulfillment to this chapter, caused perhaps by it's undefined conclusion. A mystery ending is good on one hand, on another it leaves the reader perplexed and unsatisfied. Being as there are multilayers to the story, perhaps this can be resolved by offering an additional surprise or provide conclusion to a sidestory, while leaving the main a mystery.


XPRESScore: 4.5


Keep up the good work and good luck! :D


Xean

Do any reviewing? Not a member of any Review Group? Are you a team player? If your answer is yes, being part of the proposed XTERNITY Review Team may be for you. We are looking for stable and persevering writers and reviewers, willing to create a new WDC Reviewing Group. If interested, e-mail Xean via portfolio contact for more information. We look forward to having you on our Team! :D



**:)XPRESSIONS): logo, XPRESSIONS and XPRESScore are reserved trademarks of Xean enterprises. Review is only an individual opinion. All opinions expressed in reviews should be carefully considered by the author before taking further action. If you find my review helpful in any way, you are welcome to share your thoughts and rating on my own works, accessed by going to my portfolio. Thank you.
#X195WDC53

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
5
5
Review by Xean
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Heroes 1: Chapter X :)XPRESSIONS):

PROS: Refinement and detail
CONS: Grammar and spelling

Kyle,
This is for Chapter X.

From reading it, I can see that:
-> It is the best refined chapter so far with the least errors in grammar and spelling, though they are still present.
-> Your chapter is well defined and flows smoothly throughout.
-> Ending is well done, leaving an aura of mystery for future elaboration.

Appealing things about your work:
-> Your refinement and attention to detail figures highly in this chapter.

Things I believe you can do to make this piece better:
-> Correct spelling and grammar errors evident, eg "rejuvinating".


XPRESScore: 4.5


Keep up the good work and good luck! :D


Xean

Do any reviewing? Not a member of any Review Group? Are you a team player? If your answer is yes, being part of the proposed XTERNITY Review Team may be for you. We are looking for stable and persevering writers and reviewers, willing to create a new WDC Reviewing Group. If interested, e-mail Xean via portfolio contact for more information. We look forward to having you on our Team! :D



**:)XPRESSIONS): logo, XPRESSIONS and XPRESScore are reserved trademarks of Xean enterprises. Review is only an individual opinion. All opinions expressed in reviews should be carefully considered by the author before taking further action. If you find my review helpful in any way, you are welcome to share your thoughts and rating on my own works, accessed by going to my portfolio. Thank you.
#X194WDC52

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
6
6
Review by Xean
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Heroes 1: Chapter IX :)XPRESSIONS):

PROS: Adventure, detail
CONS: Composition

Kyle,
This review is for Chapter IX

From reading it, I can see that:
-> It is well matching with previous chapters and opens suspence for future revelation.
-> There is great detail, but also a unifying theme of adventure which bonds the parts of this chapter together.

Appealing things about your work:
-> Adventure as always is a big draw and the revealing part where Cody appears to be in league with Hero-X is pivotal.

Things I believe you can do to make this piece better:
-> As with previous chapters, refine composition, check the grammar.


XPRESScore: 4.5


Keep up the good work and good luck! :D


Xean

Do any reviewing? Not a member of any Review Group? Are you a team player? If your answer is yes, being part of the proposed XTERNITY Review Team may be for you. We are looking for stable and persevering writers and reviewers, willing to create a new WDC Reviewing Group. If interested, e-mail Xean via portfolio contact for more information. We look forward to having you on our Team! :D



**:)XPRESSIONS): logo, XPRESSIONS and XPRESScore are reserved trademarks of Xean enterprises. Review is only an individual opinion. All opinions expressed in reviews should be carefully considered by the author before taking further action. If you find my review helpful in any way, you are welcome to share your thoughts and rating on my own works, accessed by going to my portfolio. Thank you.
#X193WDC51

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
7
7
Review of I AM  
Review by Xean
Rated: E | (4.0)
I AM :)XPRESSIONS):

A poem of confidence, where the assertion is being creative and witty.

PROS: Creative
CONS: No Flow

Hello Shonnie,
Thank you for your review. It is a pleasure to have your work for review today.

From reading it, I can see that:
-> It is a creative poem, best perceived by the author.
-> There is a playful quality to it which adds benefit, but it's hampered by lack of good flow throughout due to its loose nature.
-> A personal work, perhaps of best appeal to those immediately connected to it.
-> It's free of grammar errors.

Appealing things about your work:
-> The playful almost childish nature of the poem.

Things I believe you can do to make this piece better:
-> Though this is obviously an inspired poem, I don't believe it will bear much appeal beyond your creative circle because the style of composition hampers poetic flow. It is however written well for self inspiration.


XPRESScore: 4.0


Keep up the good work and good luck! :D


Xean

Do any reviewing? Not a member of any Review Group? Are you a team player? If your answer is yes, being part of the proposed XTERNITY Review Team may be for you. We are looking for stable and persevering writers and reviewers, willing to create a new WDC Reviewing Group. If interested, e-mail Xean via portfolio contact for more information. We look forward to having you on our Team! :D



**:)XPRESSIONS): logo, XPRESSIONS and XPRESScore are reserved trademarks of Xean enterprises. Review is only an individual opinion. All opinions expressed in reviews should be carefully considered by the author before taking further action. If you find my review helpful in any way, you are welcome to share your thoughts and rating on my own works, accessed by going to my portfolio. Thank you.
#X192WDC50

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
8
8
Review by Xean
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
My Forever Valentine :)XPRESSIONS):

PROS: Evocative
CONS: Lack of feeling

Hello Jaiam,
It is a pleasure to have your work for review today.

From reading it, I can see that:
-> It is a well written poem, inspired and neatly composed.
-> It flows well overall, though it's not specially eloquent.
-> Is free of grammar errors.


Appealing things about your work:
-> The evocative nature of the piece is the strongest point, especially in the second stanza, though it is hampered by manner of description later on.

Things I believe you can do to make this piece better:
-> Add more feeling. When the line says "To me, this parting is nothing", it implys carelessness, not particularly matching with a romantic theme.


XPRESScore: 4.5


Keep up the good work and good luck! :D


Xean

Do any reviewing? Not a member of any Review Group? Are you a team player? If your answer is yes, being part of the proposed XTERNITY Review Team may be for you. We are looking for stable and persevering writers and reviewers, willing to create a new WDC Reviewing Group. If interested, e-mail Xean via portfolio contact for more information. We look forward to having you on our Team! :D



**:)XPRESSIONS): logo, XPRESSIONS and XPRESScore are reserved trademarks of Xean enterprises. Review is only an individual opinion. All opinions expressed in reviews should be carefully considered by the author before taking further action. If you find my review helpful in any way, you are welcome to share your thoughts and rating on my own works, accessed by going to my portfolio. Thank you.
#X190WDC48

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
9
9
Review of Trick or Tweet  
Review by Xean
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Trick or Tweet :)XPRESSIONS):

PROS: Meaningful, clear.
CONS: None

Hello Tom,
It is a pleasure to have your work for review today.

From reading it, I can see that:
-> You've written a very meaningful and powerful story, expertly thought of and executed.
-> Your story touches many aspects, from technology to romance and is told with humanity.
-> Your work is free of grammar errors.

Appealing things about your work:
-> Everything. The style, clarity, and emotion coupled with your human approach to the story combine to form a powerful and riveting tale.

Things I believe you can do to make this piece better:
-> None


XPRESScore: 5.0


Keep up the good work and good luck! :D


Xean

Do any reviewing? Not a member of any Review Group? Are you a team player? If your answer is yes, being part of the proposed XTERNITY Review Team may be for you. We are looking for stable and persevering writers and reviewers, willing to create a new WDC Reviewing Group. If interested, e-mail Xean via portfolio contact for more information. We look forward to having you on our Team! :D



**:)XPRESSIONS): logo, XPRESSIONS and XPRESScore are reserved trademarks of Xean enterprises. Review is only an individual opinion. All opinions expressed in reviews should be carefully considered by the author before taking further action. If you find my review helpful in any way, you are welcome to share your thoughts and rating on my own works, accessed by going to my portfolio. Thank you.
#X187WDC45

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
10
10
Review of Aversion  
Review by Xean
Rated: E | (3.5)
Aversion :)XPRESSIONS):

PROS: Idea
CONS: Poetry

Hello Nay,
It is a pleasure to have your work for review today.

From reading it, I can see that:
-> Though you have an appealing idea, it only functions as poetry for the first 4 stanzas.
-> Beginning from the fourth paragraph and evidenced further in the fifth, the narrative begins to take on less poetic quality and more story form.

Appealing things about your work:
-> The idea is catchy and the first three paragraphs function well as poetry.

Things I believe you can do to make this piece better:
-> Even if you use the beginning part as a poetry beginning, You ought tranform the latter part into a full story if you can, rather than leave it in suspense.


XPRESScore: 3.5


Keep up the good work and good luck! :D


Xean

Do any reviewing? Not a member of any Review Group? Are you a team player? If your answer is yes, being part of the proposed XTERNITY Review Team may be for you. We are looking for stable and persevering writers and reviewers, willing to create a new WDC Reviewing Group. If interested, e-mail Xean via portfolio contact for more information. We look forward to having you on our Team! :D



**:)XPRESSIONS): logo, XPRESSIONS and XPRESScore are reserved trademarks of Xean enterprises. Review is only an individual opinion. All opinions expressed in reviews should be carefully considered by the author before taking further action. If you find my review helpful in any way, you are welcome to share your thoughts and rating on my own works, accessed by going to my portfolio. Thank you.
#X177WDC35

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
11
11
Review of Silent Rain  
Review by Xean
Rated: E | (4.5)


Silent Rain :)XPRESSIONS):

PROS: Effect
CONS: None

Hello Kevin,
It is a pleasure to have your work for review today.

From reading it, I can see that:
-> It is a well crafted poem, where reasoning is more important than rhyme.
-> Shows to be free of grammar inconsistency.

Appealing things about your work:
-> The special effect of blending the visceral scene of Heart Attack with that of Heartbreak. The added terrifying atmosphere after the first few sentences pulls the reader in.

Things I believe you can do to make this piece better:
-> None, though I have to say, the visceral nature may actually deter some readers unaccustomed to it.


XPRESScore: 4.5


Keep up the good work and good luck! :D


Xean

Do any reviewing? Not a member of any Review Group? Are you a team player? If your answer is yes, being part of the proposed XTERNITY Review Team may be for you. We are looking for stable and persevering writers and reviewers, willing to create a new WDC Reviewing Group. If interested, e-mail Xean via portfolio contact for more information. We look forward to having you on our Team! :D



**:)XPRESSIONS): logo, XPRESSIONS and XPRESScore are reserved trademarks of Xean enterprises. Review is only an individual opinion. All opinions expressed in reviews should be carefully considered by the author before taking further action. If you find my review helpful in any way, you are welcome to share your thoughts and rating on my own works, accessed by going to my portfolio. Thank you.
#X171WDC29

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
12
12
Review by Xean
Rated: E | (4.0)
Story of the Uneven Eyebrows :)XPRESSIONS):

PROS: Comedy
CONS: Grammar

Hello Elle,
It's my pleasure to have your story for review today.

From reading it, I can see that:
-> Yours is a dual nature story, offering sad conclusion to a funny story.
-> It is fluently written for the most part.
-> It contains numerous spelling errors that can be easily corrected.

Appealing things about your work:
-> Comedic nature is the greatest strength in your story.

Things I believe you can do to make this piece better:
-> Vary storytelling style, correct context. Immediate repetitons are not appealing, eg "He held his laugh. He bursted out of the room." The latter sentence which is in improper context.
-> Correct numerous spelling errors, eg Prostitute, Curiosity, Intense
-> Review for appropriate word spacing eg "If you find it hard following my instructions,(space)you may visit..."


XPRESScore: 4.0


Keep up the good work and good luck! :D


Xean

Do any reviewing? Not a member of any Review Group? Are you a team player? If your answer is yes, being part of the proposed XTERNITY Review Team may be for you. We are looking for stable and persevering writers and reviewers, willing to create a new WDC Reviewing Group. If interested, e-mail Xean via portfolio contact for more information. We look forward to having you on our Team! :D



**:)XPRESSIONS): logo, XPRESSIONS and XPRESScore are reserved trademarks of Xean enterprises. Review is only an individual opinion. All opinions expressed in reviews should be carefully considered by the author before taking further action.
#X161WDC19

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
13
13
Review by Xean
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Heroes 1: Chapter VIII :)XPRESSIONS):

PROS: Character complexity
CONS: Context, grammar

Kyle,
This is for chapter VIII

From reading it, I can see that:
-> Chapter is transitionary, paving the way for coming events.
-> Most errors in this chapter are contextual and mainly found in the first half.

Appealing things about your work:
-> Adding another facet to the main character of Cody in revealing he was a Dark Lord is a bold and pivotal move which makes for a complex and more interesting character.

Things I believe you can do to make this piece better:
-> Correct the usual context errors.


XPRESScore: 4.5


Keep up the good work and good luck! :D


Xean

Do any reviewing? Not a member of any Review Group? Are you a team player? If your answer is yes, being part of the proposed XTERNITY Review Team may be for you. We are looking for stable and persevering writers and reviewers, willing to create a new WDC Reviewing Group. If interested, e-mail Xean via portfolio contact for more information. We look forward to having you on our Team! :D



**:)XPRESSIONS): logo, XPRESSIONS and XPRESScore are reserved trademarks of Xean enterprises. Review is only an individual opinion. All opinions expressed in reviews should be carefully considered by the author before taking further action.
#X157WDC15

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
14
14
Review by Xean
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Heroes 1: Chapter VII :)XPRESSIONS):

PROS: Emotion is strong
CONS: Fluency, mystery


This is for chapter VII

From reading it, I can see that:
-> It has good emotional range.
-> The speedy direct to story composition of this is responsible for errors in context, grammar and spelling which occur evenly throughout.

Appealing things about your work:
-> The way the chapter varies between joy, rage, control, romance and ultimately tragedy is magnificent. The most emotionally varied chapter so far.

Things I believe you can do to make this piece better:
-> Correcting spelling and context errors, evident in 2 example paragraphs below:

"He could since something, though, something bad was out there and powerful and he thinks that's where Cody may be. "
"...causing it to collapse under his feet, the rebel falling over him as he fell to the ground."


XPRESScore: 4.0


Keep up the good work and good luck! :D


Xean

Do any reviewing? Not a member of any Review Group? Are you a team player? If your answer is yes, being part of the proposed XTERNITY Review Team may be for you. We are looking for stable and persevering writers and reviewers, willing to create a new WDC Reviewing Group. If interested, e-mail Xean via portfolio contact for more information. We look forward to having you on our Team! :D



**:)XPRESSIONS): logo, XPRESSIONS and XPRESScore are reserved trademarks of Xean enterprises. Review is only an individual opinion. All opinions expressed in reviews should be carefully considered by the author before taking further action.
#X156WDC14

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
15
15
Review by Xean
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Heroes 1: Chapter VI :)XPRESSIONS):

PROS: Highly detailed and outlined
CONS: Context, grammar.

Kyle,
This is for Chapter VI

From reading it, I can see that:
-> It is a very detailed chapter, excellent descriptiveness.
-> Only needs more refinement now that the story has been outlined


Appealing things about your work:
-> The story detail is impressive in this chapter.
-> Good adventure and flowing story throughout.
-> Introduction of a female lead character was much needed and finally introduced.

Things I believe you can do to make this piece better:
-> You can improve context and style. Grammar is unmatching in many areas, 3 examples of which are:

“Watch it with this one, Nerag, he’s much stronger than the other ones,” said the man with the mask floating down from the air and land behind Nerag. “Let’s stay concentrated with this filthy little half-elf.”

He looked around some more but all there was left were pebbles and distorted earth from the fight before, why does his journey have to be over so soon, he was just starting to make new friends.

“That is a very true statement from him,” said Langholm. Garen studied him very carefully, this man was very old, but shouldn’t be underestimated; he’s probably stronger than anyone here, even Becky or Cody.

Now that the story is written, refining it is only a small step away to perfection.


XPRESScore: 4.5


Keep up the good work and good luck! :D


Xean

Do any reviewing? Not a member of any Review Group? Are you a team player? If your answer is yes, being part of a proposed new Review Team may be for you. We are looking for stable and persevering writers and reviewers, willing to found a new WDC reviewing Group. If interested, please e-mail Xean via portfolio contact for more information. We look forward to having you on our Team! :D


**:)XPRESSIONS): logo, XPRESSIONS and XPRESScore are reserved trademarks of Xean enterprises. Review is only an individual opinion. All opinions expressed in reviews should be carefully considered by the author before taking further action.
#X155WDC13

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
16
16
Review of Am I...  
Review by Xean
Rated: E | (4.5)

Am I :)XPRESSIONS):

PROS: Romance
CONS: Fluency

Hello dnadream,
It is a pleasure to have your work for review today.

From reading it, I can see that:
-> You strived well and achieved a good romantic piece.
-> You could have perhaps improved upon it a bit more earlier, but any changes made now I don't believe would make any difference for optimum.

Appealing things about your work:
-> The descriptive nature is your poem's forte, building upon the querying foundation.

Things I believe you can do to make this piece better:
-> Add congruent sentence capitals.
-> It is not suggestible at this stage, but were it earlier during formation, you could have made certain sentences flow better with the overall, but I won't describe further because changing at this stage may worsen the quality, rather than improve it.


XPRESScore: 4.5


Keep up the good work and good luck! :D


Xean




**:)XPRESSIONS): logo, XPRESSIONS and XPRESScore are reserved trademarks of Xean enterprises. Review is only an individual opinion. All opinions expressed in reviews should be carefully considered by the author before taking further action.
#X154WDC12
17
17
Review by Xean
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Heroes 1: Chapter V :)XPRESSIONS):

PROS: Vivid descriptiveness.
CONS: The 3 parts of the chapter don't sync well.

Kyle,
This is for chapter V.

From reading it, I can see that:
-> It's the most complex chapter so far, with 3 parts.
-> First part contains the most highly vivid retelling, the highest of any chapter thus far.
-> Syncronizing the 3 parts with each other and individually is challenging and reader can be left confused as is.

Appealing things about your story:
-> Very vivid detail in first part is this chapter's forte.

Things I believe you can do to make this story better:
-> The second part of the chapter does not mesh well in terms of flow with the other 2 parts. The reader expects an historical overview and you provide a retelling of a battle instead. it feels as if a major piece of story is missing. This may or may not be delierate, but if it is not, you can correct this by expanding or reworking Cody's retelling.
-> Slips of previous chapters reappear in this one after a brief absence in chapter IV. Repetetive sentence starters need revising.
-> Context and style of retelling is important. You use he often when it does not fit, and fail to do so where it does, eg: "HE could tell by the sound of his voice that CODY was a nice GUY, but Garen WAS NOT THE TYPE OF PERSON TO TRUST THE FIRST MAN HE MET DOWN THE ROAD."


XPRESScore: 3.5


Keep up the good work and good luck! :D


Xean




**:)XPRESSIONS): logo, XPRESSIONS and XPRESScore are reserved trademarks of Xean enterprises. Review is only an individual opinion. All opinions expressed in reviews should be carefully considered by the author before taking further action.
#X148WDC6
18
18
Review by Xean
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Heroes 1: Chapter IV :)XPRESSIONS):

PROS: Mostly free of errors which plague previous chapters.
CONS: Stylism, grammar.

Kyle,
This review is for chapter IV.

From reading this chapter I can see that it is:
-> Mostly free of constant use of repetitions and contextual errors.
-> Chapter builds well upon previous chapter while allowing for expansion in further chapters.

Appealing things about your story:
-> Layout is well done.

Things I believe you can do to make this story better:
-> I'd suggest focusing on reviewing descriptive style in this chapter. Make sure the verbality you use to describe feels best fitting.
-> Review grammar for misspelled and omitted words, eg: "You are WELCOME to stay if you please...", "At those words, Kye vanished in a cloud OF smoke..."


XPRESScore: 4.5


Keep up the good work and good luck! :D


Xean




**:)XPRESSIONS): logo, XPRESSIONS and XPRESScore are reserved trademarks of Xean enterprises. Review is only an individual opinion. All opinions expressed in reviews should be carefully considered by the author before taking further action.
#X147WDC5
19
19
for entry "Chapter IV-The Loss" 
Review by Xean
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Heroes 1: Chapter III :)XPRESSIONS):

PROS: Very detailed storyline.
CONS: Context and grammer needs adjustment in places.

Kyle,
This is for chapter III.

From reading your prologue, I can see that:
-> Opening paragraph requires the most work of this chapter.
-> Ending is open for further elaboration.

Appealing things about your story:
-> It has a pleasingly well detailed storyline.
-> Characters are well developed.
-> Settings are vividly described.

Things I believe you can do to make this story better:
-> Correct verbal context would help strengthen clarity, eg "before I do more than DISABLE your movement and speech.”
-> Revise for spelling errors, eg “Why would they make US walk all the way up this mountain, and then make us go DOWN into its depths again?”


XPRESScore: 4.5


Keep up the good work and good luck! :D


Xean




**:)XPRESSIONS): logo, XPRESSIONS and XPRESScore are reserved trademarks of Xean enterprises. Review is only an individual opinion. All opinions expressed in reviews should be carefully considered by the author before taking further action.
#X146WDC4
20
20
Review by Xean
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Heroes 1: Chapter II :)XPRESSIONS):

PROS: Smooth, free-flowing narrative without the repetetive problems of previous chapter.
CONS: Minor spelling and grammar flaws.

Kyle,
This review is for Chapter II.

From reading your chapter I can see that:
-> You've written a very pleasant narrative.
-> Your dialogue is flowing and good.
-> Opening is left for further story continuation.

Appealing things about your story:
-> Flowing dialogue is a plus in this chapter.
-> Greatest improvement is the balanced descriptiveness, free of repetetive sentence openers.

Things I believe you can do to make this story better:
-> Correct any spelling and grammar errors, such as 'Fire of Clor's' in the second half should be 'Fire of Color's'.


XPRESScore: 4.5


Keep up the good work and good luck! :D


Xean




**:)XPRESSIONS): logo, XPRESSIONS and XPRESScore are reserved trademarks of Xean enterprises. Review is only an individual opinion. All opinions expressed in reviews should be carefully considered by the author before taking further action.
#X145WDC3
21
21
Review by Xean
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Heroes 1: Chapter 1 :)XPRESSIONS):

PROS: You attempt to get straight into the story.
CONS: Description and phraseology can be improved.

Kyle,
This review is for Chapter 1.

From reading your chapter I can see that:
-> As with the prologue, you get to the point and allow readers to dig right into the story, but you also make the same mistakes of repetetiveness; in this case, of the word 'he'.
-> Your descriptions are at times contradictory and may leave readers confused.
-> Repeating he did this and he did that displays lack of descriptive breadth.

Appealing things about your story:
-> Setting of conflict makes for an interesting read, despite being unrefined.

Things I believe you can do to make this story better:
-> Adjust descriptions so that they do not contradict: eg, the first paragraph mentions a younger looking woman , then in the second paragraph, we discover the woman is the son's mother. I don't believe you meant to imply that the mother is younger than the son.
-> Focus your attention on revising the first half of the chapter, which is less refined than the second half.
-> Revise grammar to be relevant for what you want to describe. eg, more correctly: "The skies were filled with a mixture Purple, Silver and Rainbow Fire, shooting everywhere."
-> Correct any spelling errors, such as 'women' in the first chapter should be 'woman'.


XPRESScore: 4.0


Keep up the good work and good luck! :D


Xean




**:)XPRESSIONS): logo, XPRESSIONS and XPRESScore are reserved trademarks of Xean enterprises. Review is only an individual opinion. All opinions expressed in reviews should be carefully considered by the author before taking further action.
#000002
22
22
Review by Xean
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Heroes 1: Prologue :)XPRESSIONS):

PROS: Concise introduction.
CONS: Repetetive phraseology.

Hello Kyle,
It is a pleasure to have your story for review today. As each entry is different and has individual points you can improve, I will review each chapter independantly. This is review is for the prologue.

From reading your prologue, I can see that:
-> You enter your story without ado, immediately introducing readers to the relevant characters.
-> Prologue immerses the reader into your world and explains things clearly.
-> The first paragraph is the weakest point in your prologue.


Appealing things about your story:
-> The open setting which directly establishes themes for possible romance and adventure in future chapters.


Things I believe you can do to make this story better:
-> The repetetive use of 'The' to open your sentences in the first paragraph should be adjusted. eg, the second sentence could read: "Water sparkling beautifully against the moon's shine, a gentle breeze blew through their hair; bringing smells of smoldering fires from the houses below."


XPRESScore: 4.5


Keep up the good work and good luck! :D


Xean




**:)XPRESSIONS): logo, XPRESSIONS and XPRESScore are reserved trademarks of Xean enterprises. Review is only an individual opinion. All opinions expressed in reviews should be carefully considered by the author before taking further action.
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