Road Tripping

Gather round me people there's a story I would tell
About a brave young Indian you should remember well
From the land of the Pima Indian
A proud and noble band
Who farmed the Phoenix valley in Arizona land


Down the ditches for a thousand years
The water grew Ira's peoples' crops
'Till the white man stole the water rights
And the sparklin' water stopped


-------------------------ONE--------------------------------

Not really, but remember when you were a kid? The end of summer, or more precisely, beginning of school year rolled around, and you were once again jammed into a scarred up desk in a stuffy classroom?

The teacher, who surely was a disciple of all the dark forces in the universe, wrote on the blackboard, (remember them?) with chalk, "What I Did On My Summer Vacation." Then, if he was Pete McKenna, he took a huge bite of that chalk with equally large green teeth...

The Summer Vacation essay may have been the biggest wake up call that summer was indeed over for many a desk-bound child. I remember looking around and seeing the rich Suzie's and Bobby's scribbling away. I knew they had been to the Disney Parks, away to other countries; here and there, while I had pretty much either worked in the garden fields at home, or cleaned barns. My highlights may have been something like working with father at the Farmer's Market, or loading into an old rusted out International Harvester pickup with five sisters and three brothers and going for a swim or bath at Concord Pond.

I always found it was better to make things up, than to write of my realities. How silly and remiss of me not to mention evenings fishing, when I would have dad all to myself in a 14 foot aluminum John boat, or days spent climbing Tumbledown Mountain to pick buckets of wild blueberries.

Did you know we used to get together with our cousins and neighbors to play hide and seek, sometimes 20 or so kids all around our place? Sure we did. Did I ever write it down to share? Nope. Too boring of a summer.

Look at this short lazy guy, who rarely even wrestles with the other airplane guys, because I am smaller and always end up bruised up. I used to run down the road to Big John Hallesy's fields to play tackle football with a couple of neighbors and cousins. Hmmmm... must not have mentioned it.

Well, in my mind and hindsight, summer vacations are what you make of them, and this tale was supposed to be about this summer's vacation, so let me get that cooking, and put bygone's on the back burner again. I like bygones with lettuce and tomato, Heinz Fifty-seven and French fried potatoes. Big kosher pickle and a cold draft beer...

---------------------------------------------------------

Road tripping, Man!!!!...


I was totin my pack along the long dusty Winnamucka road
When along came a semi with a high canvas covered load
If your goin' to Winnamucka, Mack with me you can ride
And so I climbed into the cab and then I setteled down inside
He asked me if I'd seen a road with so much dust and sand
And I said, "Listen! I've traveled every road in this here land!"


I've been everywhere, man
I've been everywhere, man
Crossed the deserts bare, man
I've breathed the mountain air, man
Travel - I've had my share, man
I've been everywhere


I've been to:
Reno
Chicago
Fargo
Minnesota
Buffalo
Toronto
Winslow
Sarasota
Whichta
Tulsa
Ottowa
Oklahoma
Tampa
Panama
Mattua
LaPaloma
Bangor
Baltimore
Salvador
Amarillo
Tocapillo
Pocotello
Amperdllo


I'm a Killer
I've been everywhere, man
I've been everywhere, man
Crossed the deserts bare, man
I've breathed the mountain air, man
Travel - I've had my share, man
I've been everywhere


I've been to:
Boston
Charleston
Dayton
Lousiana
Washington
Houston
Kingston
Texas (County)
Monterey
Fairaday
Santa Fe
Tollaperson
Glen Rock
Black Rock
Little Rock
Oskaloussa
Tennessee
Tinnesay
Chickapee
Spirit Lake
Grand Lake
Devil's Lake
Crater Lake


For Pete's Sake
I've been everywhere, man
I've been everywhere, man
Crossed the deserts bare, man
I've breathed the mountain air, man
Travel - I've had my share, man
I've been everywhere


I've been to:
Louisville
Nashville
Knoxville
Omerback
Shereville
Jacksonville
Waterville
Costa Rock
Richfield
Springfield
Bakersfield
Shreveport
Hakensack
Cadallic
Fond du Lac
Davenport
Idaho
Jellico
Argentina
Diamondtina
Pasadena
Catalina


See What I Mean
I've been everywhere, man
I've been everywhere, man
Crossed the deserts bare, man
I've breathed the mountain air, man
Travel - I've had my share, man
I've been everywhere


I've been to:
Pittsburgh
Parkersburg
Gravelburg
Colorado
Ellisburg
Rexburg
Vicksburg
Eldorado
Larimore
Adimore
Habastock
Chadanocka
Shasta
Nebraska
Alaska
Opalacka
Baraboo
Waterloo
Kalamazoo
Kansas City
Souix City
Cedar City
Dodge City


What A Pity
I've been everywhere, man
I've been everywhere, man
Crossed the deserts bare, man
I've breathed the mountain air, man
Travel - I've had my share, man
I've been everywhere

---------------------------------TWO------------------------

Back to my tale and away from someone else's songs. After exhaustive planning and probing from her mom, it was decided that my itinerary for traveling out to California to get my daughter Emily was acceptable. I was to leave sweet home Minot on 15 July, and drive out to Edwards Air Force Base, in the beautiful deserts of Southern California.

A green canvas Air Force Issue "A" bag full of shorts, socks, and underwear, tank of gas, four bald tires, 200 bucks, cash, pretty much all thrown together was followed by a beat up ATM card, forgotten shaving kit, printed travel map and a thermos of rugged coffee. I headed west into the black.

We ain't going to Disneyland!

Highways rolled by; 83 south, 52 West, 85 South, North Dakota 200, Montana 16, and US 94 West. I needed to go 156 miles on Interstate 90 West. Hmmm... Directions say East, well, since I am trying to escape North Dakota, I think west. West it was and on I went.

Jack Rabbit Lane? What the hell? Where is the Interstate. Damned crazy small town interchanges always get me. Interchange? Is that the word? Ahhh.... I had to take US 191, to 20 West. I was hoping to sleep somewhere when I got on 15 South. I guessed Idaho, How far is Pocatello, not sure, but that seemed as good a sleep spot as anywhere?

I didn't know there were so many mountains in the desert. Damn hot out there.

Climbing mountains at nearly 90 miles an hour and 110 degrees of Fahrenheit with the air conditioning set at sub-arctic made the Mighty Stratus angry. I saw the temperature gauge climb faster than we were traversing the hills. If that was all the little Dodge had to weather, life would have been groovy...

Ahhh... 85 miles an hour with the window down. Hot dry air whipped my face and I guzzle bottled water. Onward and upward we flew.

A few hours of sleep at a 30 dollar hotel. No English, but they spoke green. Amazing. No TV, no phone, and the shower curtain was missing. I set my cell phone alarm and made 7 hours of dead sleep before I hit the road again.

I did a low level through Las Vegas. No Air Force Dime, no gambling time. I was excited because I was going to be a day earlier to get Emily. So much for her mom's planning...smiles! More snacks from a bag of cleaned out cupboard food, another travel mug of coffee or two, a couple of Diet Cokes and I rode on. There is 220 miles between North Vegas Boulevard and the Billeting office at Edwards, AFB, and I made it in a near classified time...speed is easy on flat and empty desert roads.

-------------------------------THREE----------------------------

"You need a room?"

"Maybe one night. Hang on."

Cell phone, search contacts. Emily. "Hello?"

"Tesa? Hey, if I got to base today, could Emily and I leave tomorrow morning instead of the next day?"

"Where are you?"

"Billeting."

"Oh, we are still on the way back from my mom's, and she still has to pack. I will call you when we get back to base."

A quick trip to the BX for Popeye's Chicken and to the Commissary for more Diet Coke and a case of water. I will get at least 3 hours of nap time before I finally get to see Emily again. Damn it has been a year.

Sleep? Right... Ever have a big event coming up, like the first day of school. You can't sleep. Emotional Lou has been anticipating seeing Emily again since the day he last saw her. Yup I am tossing and turning on the sofa in billeting, because I thought if I went to sleep in the bed in the second room of the place, I would sleep through them beating on the door. Ha. I sleep only a wink or two.

"We are on our way."

Tears and cries. "Hug and kiss your mom and brother goodbye..."

"Daddy, you tricked me with bright yellow hair, and mom didn't tell me where we were going or that you would be there..."

-----------------------------------------FOUR---------------------------

Early the next morning we were heading to New Orleans to see Monica.

We started the day with a grand tour of Edwards Air Force Base, because I went out the wrong gate and then had to come back on, and all the way across to finally leave the right way. I did not want to wander aimlessly in the desert until the coyotes and condors found us. There is miles of nothing besides winding roads through the dry lake beds and desert scrub if you do not head toward Las Vegas or Los Angeles.

We took 58 East and Interstate 15 through Vegas again. Leaving Nevada there were miles and miles of Interstate 40 East, that I took at a screaming, highly illegal pace. In South Texas, in the desert, I met a state trooper in mirrored shades and a Smokey Bear hat. He flashed blinding snow white teeth and amazing pleasantry while handing me a Texas sized speeding ticket.

After a stern warning and directions to mail the ticket, we were on our way again. Sleeping was a little more expensive that night. Emily insisted on a better hotel with a pool.

The second day out from California was a blur of gray ribbon, food, road snacks and Diet Cokes. Following an endless parade of gas pumps we heading east toward the Gulf Coast. East and Southeast we plunged. I remember Interstate 287 and 114 and TX-183. There were more signs and route markers; Merge onto I-30 E via EXIT 428A on the LEFT toward TEXARKANA.

If we had taken Exit 20 East we would have gone to Shreveport, Louisiana, but we rocketed by that place. I would have given it the finger but Emily was against that, so instead we took, exit 11 toward Alexandria and merged onto I-49 S and then 10 East.

We were running fast through late evening and gathering dusk and it would have made sense to get a hotel after hours in motion, but were a little too close to New Orleans to stop. I was wired and Emily wanted to get somewhere for sure because car seats are only so comfortable for so long when you are seven.

We turned on Interstate 12 East and took the Slidell/Pearl River Louisiana exit. We had made it to see Monica.

Hello and where the hell is the Hotel? The place we had reserved was kind of run down but it had beds and I was asleep soon. Emily wanted to bounce off some car energy and Monica wanted to talk and cuddle but I snored on.

------------------FIVE---------------------------------------

Slidell is across Lake Pontchartrain, and about 30 miles from the city of New Orleans. We spent nine days visiting zoos, aquariums, and museums. We wandered the French Quarter shopping, spending money, and basically being a tourist family.

One night we got a flat right front tire, with Monica driving, but luckily it was in town, and at low speeds, with more damage then torn up rubber. Despite having consumed a high quantity of beer with Monica's dad, I change it to the donut. The next day we bought two new front tires for 240 dollars, but kept the slicks on the back of the Dodge Stratus.

The nine days of fun and excitement flew by, then it was time to load up and head north toward North Dakota and my home. It was Friday, and I had to be to work on Monday. I planned on being home on Saturday evening...So go the best laid plans they say...

------------------------------SIX--------------------------------

I wanted to leave before the sun rose. That's what I do; leave early drive hard until late, sleep a bit, repeat the next day. To me, everywhere in the continental United States, except for southern Florida is two twelve hour days by road from my home in Minot, North Dakota. I wanted to go north a bunch and west a little and be home in a couple of days.

Emily stayed the last night in Slidell with Monica's parents, so Monica and I could have time to ourselves. I had already asked her to marry me, Moe, not Ems. And we just wanted together time.

Goodbyes were not really easy, they never really seem to be. By the time we had the car loaded and were situated, with last minute pee breaks and tears and all, it was after 10 a.m., about half way through a normal travel day for me. I was tanned, fit, and rested. Smiles. I was thinking I could still maybe put in eight hours of driving that day if the weather was good. I planned to be in a hotel by 6 p.m. get a hot shower and have time for Emily and I to relax by the pool and get a good dinner. There really was no need for Emily and I to beat ourselves up on the road. We would be home soon, so she could meet the puppy and kitty, and see some old friends around Minot.

---------------------------SEVEN----------------------------

Soon we were back on highways and interstates, turning right and left; down Country Club Lane and Robert Avenue and taking the ramp onto I-10 and and back across Lake Pontchartrain. Traffic was getting thicker and slower going into New Orleans. I was not scared of city traffic, despite growing up in the back woods and living in an extremely rural area. We were nearly creeping at 10 miles an hour below the posted speed limit. I figured that once we got out of the city and onto Interstate 55 north we would make good time.

"Holy Shit!" I remember hearing screaming tires and realizing that I was seeing brake lights in front of me. I was standing on my own brake pedal. There was three blocked lanes of traffic in front of me and barely time to make a choice. It was like a losing lottery. Which lane should I pick, the one blocked by a Pontiac Grand Am, Boat Trailer, or Trailer truck. Yes, needless to say, I hit the car in front of me. Someone was changing a tire in the far left, and generally fastest lane for whatever reason. I had plowed into a 7 vehicle pile up. "Oh God, I thought. "I hope Emily isn't hurt!" No blood... "Hon wake up."

"What Daddy? Where are we?"

"Still in New Orleans." We had made it 35 miles and were in an accident.

"Hon are you O.K.? We were in an accident."

"Oh, can we go now?"

We waited for the police and other emergency vehicles, though no one seemed to be hurt. Statements and insurance and registration and injury checks were completed relatively quickly, and everyone was free to go, except for the gentleman who had stopped on the traveled surface with a flat. He left before the New Orleans Police Department arrived on the scene. I delayed at a truck stop to make sure the hood was not too bent up to continue on. I beat it flat and strapped it down with some bungee cords. With a pee break and a quick prayer we were ready to head north again. I thought our bad luck was behind us. My car was not so pretty, but I thought I could make it home and get it fixed somewhere locally.

-------------------------------EIGHT------------------------------------------

We had no injuries, and since the person who started the trouble had departed the scene, I was not getting a ticket, for rear ending another vehicle, so I decided to get back on the road.

"Ready to Rock and Roll?!"

Back up the ramp to Interstate 10 west bound we went, then on to 55 North.

"Good Bye Louisiana, Hello Mississippi... How many S's? Dad..."

"Like four and I miss the second SS, and No pee pee in my eye..." We were barreling up Interstate 55 through the countryside. Emily was sleeping and I was admiring the tall Mississippi loblolly pine trees and a blissful country scene on either side of the busy highway.

In case you ever wonder, when your hood flies up at 75 miles an hour, it really looks like the NASCAR in car camera, maximum visibility to a peep hole in less than a second. The windshields broke but remained intact. I am thankful for the miracle of safety glass. The moon roof though was standard plate glass and instantly became flying shards. With no time or thought, I steered us safely to the side of the road. I have no real memory of piloting the car, just a stream of "Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit..." issuing forth from within me and Emily asking me if I was OK.

In seconds, after assessing that once again Emily and I had escaped a car wreck unscathed, we were standing beside yet another Interstate in another southern state. It had already been a hell of a ride!

A flat topped state trooper was soon on the scene.

-------------------------------------NINE----------------------------------

Despite being called "boy" way too many times, we had a wrecker on the way, a ride to a hotel, and a cell phone call to the insurance company in about twenty minutes. It was Friday afternoon. We had a broken car, motel, and wrecker bills. We have made a grand total of 330 miles, out of the 1800 miles it would take to get home from this vacation. I had to use my Government Travel Card for charges that I really wasn't authorized to make or sit beside the road until pay day. We belonged home in bed, but we were safe, and Emily's only complaint was having to pee. We had dinner and since it was too late in the evening to get anything accomplished, settled in for another evening in a strange hotel in an unfamiliar town.

Saturday morning slowly unwound. I needed to get to the place where my car was by noon to get our belongings or everything would be locked up until Monday. Enterprise Rent A Car, in Oxford, Mississippi, only picks people up at their convenience. That didn't make it into the advertisement. The local Progressive Insurance guy closed his office to drive Emily and I 30 miles to get the rental. We loaded up and headed north on Interstate 55 with No CD player. We spent 1400 miles listening to AM talk radio and top 40's Country and Rock music.

After Intestate 55 came 270, then US-40 and 61. I wondered why the hell anyone would write a song about Wentzville. There was nothing there to catch my eye except that was where I had to merge onto Interstate 70, in an effort to get closer to home.

We took Interstate 70 West to 435 North. After we got on Interstate 29, we decided to stay overnight in St. Joe, Missouri.

On Sunday we cruised a few hundred miles to Interstate 94 West, and I finally started to relax, feeling like we would actually make it to the end of our journey. I decided to take US Highway 2 and 52, and we rolled into Minot, North Dakota, finally home, in the early evening.

We picked up the puppy and kitty and Emily was instantly in love with them. The babysitter who had promised to watch her while I was at work had a new full time job, and I had to be back to work in the morning, so it looked like vacation was officially over. I unpacked the car, dyed my hair back brown, and crawled into bed exhausted.

----------------------------------------------TEN-----------------------------------------------------

Alarm. Shower. Uniform. I woke up Emily and we drove up the highway to the Air Force Base. "Joe, I am taking today off too." I went grocery shopping with Emily, since the cupboards and refrigerator were mostly empty. We paid all the bills that had been waiting for our return, then found a babysitter. Phone calls and pleasant chats with the insurance company and garages in Mississippi filled my afternoon. They decided to fix my car, not total it, which I thought was pretty cool.

We spent two weeks of me and Emily time, which was broken up by work, and learning my brand new job, which I liked so much that if Emily wasn't here I would have worked both shifts. I had forgotten just how much I truly enjoyed aircraft maintenance. Sure I was older and slower than when I had done it as a young Airman and I was a little rusty on the simple stuff, but I really liked the work.

Emily and I watched allot of TV shows on DVD that I loved as a kid and went to see some movies. She tries to teach me to play Nintendo and we read to each other. We also shopped for school clothes, but mostly just cuddled and enjoy our time together.

Time flew and fun speed the clock more. Soon it was our last evening before she went back to California. We were pretty short on spending cash, so I decided to con her into going to look at airplanes. Some different kinds had flown in for the air show that she and I would be missing. I was sure Emily wouldn't like airplanes, but I guess when your dad and mom are both airplane mechanics of a sort, it is just in your blood.

We watched some flying aerobatics, and wandered around looking at planes. Emily got a bunch of pictures and autographs, and loved it, but it was soon time to go home and get a few hours of sleep before we hit the road again.

----------------------------------------ELEVEN---------------------------------------------

Sunday morning we started the 520 miles southeast journey to Sioux Falls, SD, where Emily would fly west, with an attendant and all, to Las Vegas to meet her mom.

Emily pronounced Sioux Falls, "Sucks Falls," and kept telling me why it sucked so bad, which provided laughs the first few hundred times.

She got on a plane the next morning amid tears and trepidation, mostly mine, and I headed south. I spent a night in St. Joseph, Missouri again, and then drove the remaining 635 miles to Mississippi to get my car.

A blur of Interstates and numbers flew by. 29 and 435 and 70 and 40 East led to Interstates 61 and 270 and I-55 south and discount hotel fares and traveling. I spent a night in Batesville, Mississippi, and was ready to pick up my car at 9 a.m.

I paid the Insurance deductible, thinking how new glass and paint made my Stratus look showroom new. I filled up my thermos with free coffee and topped off my tank with expensive gas. I took care of some personal needs in a dirty truck stop bathroom and headed north again. 1435 miles later I pulled into Minot, ND, almost home. I stopped at my best buddy's house on a Thursday afternoon, to see if Friday was still a down day at work. He was still on base, turning wrenches, even though it is over an hour past the end of his shift.

I called the office number in his duty section. He was going to be there until 7 p.m, a 12 hour shift. I made the call to cancel the rest of my leave, which was suppose to go through Sunday.

--------------------------------------------------TWELVE---------------------------

Friday morning, while most of the base got to sleep in, I was up bright and early shaving off a weeks face and showering off thousands of miles of road grime. I suited up in a wrinkled uniform and bought donuts for the crew. While unlocking the shop and getting tools accounted for and signing for the truck, I remembered when I was really good at aircraft maintenance.

My two Staff Sergeants and I troubleshot and jacked the airplane and ran through gear and finally fixed a problem (hopefully) that had plagued the same plane for the last six flights. I got home and drank beer and fell asleep and finally got to sleep in the next day, which was Saturday. It had been a very eventful summer, and it was only mid-August!

Are you glad you asked what I did on my Summer vacation?

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It's been rough and rocky travelin',
But I'm finally standin' upright on the ground.
After takin' several readings,
I'm surprised to find my mind`s still fairly sound.



****Lyrics for Ira Hayes Written by Peter LaFarge
Recorded by Johnny Cash on 3/5/64 Copyrite.

Lyrics for I've Been Everywhere Written by Geoff Mack Recorded by Johnny Cash Copyrite 1962.

Lyrics for Me and Paul Written by Townes Van Zandt Recorded by Willie Nelson and Merle Haggard Copyrite.****