Have you ever been on top of a cloud?

Have you ever been on top of a cloud?
Well I have, and it is not a pretty sight.
Sure, you are thinking that love and all of the rest of things that come with it, will help you on your way through life, until you realize that you, yes you, the party animal, the irresponsible teen, has turned into an adult

But you don’t know why or when it happened.
Perhaps the months later after marriage?
Nah, maybe the year later,
-nah, maybe after having a baby,
-no, not right away,
-no, it happens later, when you realize that you cannot depend on the other half to keep you unharmed through life, that the rock of Gibraltar has turned to dust.

Then it hits you!
Like a massive concrete wall falling on top of you and everyone from your mother to your friends are on top of the wall, making it harder for you to breathe.

Your rock, well it has long gone away, little by little it has weathered away.
You on the other hand, were too busy to notice it, because you were on top of that stupid cloud that completely fogged your whole existence.
Now you are sitting alone, with your crazy thoughts in your head, thinking, did I do the right thing?
Well if your heart, at that moment, told you so, then yes, you did the right thing.

Now you find yourself with your tormented thoughts and wondering if you could have prevented the weathering of your stone. No, you could not have,
-just like the wind cannot stop from being wind and weathering everything in its path.
You wonder now, my baby, is my baby going to be ok without mommy’s knight and shining… you know the cliché, well, you have to be, because your baby now depends on you, her own rock of Gibraltar.

She sees you as her protector, just like you saw your other half, but with a HUGE difference: The love you have for a child is too great to even try to vulgarize it with words. It is just the greatest feeling you will ever have-unconditional love from another human being. Sure, sleepless nights are to follow, moving back to your parent’s basement is not an option, no; you now have a room to yourself and your child.

So you gather your used up shattered sagging, bulging body (at places I never thought could bulge) and you tell yourself, hey, this is not too bad, sure you have to put up with your mother’s trying to tell you what to do, not for other reasons than trying to make up for lost time, the almost twenty years you were thousands of miles away; well now she feels that she can recoup that time by telling you when to go shower or to go to bed.
You feel like you are living with the Soup Nazi from Seinfeld.

You think to yourself, damn I am going to lose my mind here, but then you stop, and see it from her point of view, you are her daughter, she still sees you as the last time you left home and she never got to tell you those things every mother tells her daughter.
So now she feels you owe her, so you sit back and enjoy it. Yeah, right! Just try to concentrate on the rest of your life, no matter what you say to her at this moment, she was right and always will be and you will always be her baby.7 See it as a second chance, a rebirth, because it is, you are coming back to life, away from the fog, the pain, the suffocation you felt while being on top of that cloud.

Oh he is not THAT bad, but he did not treat you with the respect every human is born with. You tell yourself that you have put yourself through too much pain and love is not painful. No, you have to let go. Then you will hear every person ever drawn into your life, tell you “I told you so!” I told you not to get married! Well it is not about being right or wrong, no one, not even your own mother could ever know what you went through. You try to bite your tongue until you draw blood, but look at it from another angle, YOU and only YOU knows what is right for you.

Then enter the dragon… the “oh what is going to happen to the poor baby?” Oh no, who is going to take care of her?
You, meanwhile, are looking up from the garbage that they just threw on you and whisper: “I am, I am her mother, she cannot be without me or me without her”. But it is useless, your mother comes in full force, claiming she has more experience than you, since she had two daughters and now three grandkids.

But you know what, it is NOT about that at all! No, it is about how your child sees you, how she, at such a tender age of almost two years old, she grabs your face with her two tiny hands, and holds you, just holds you, and then after you recover from losing your breath from that wonderful moment, you know both you and her are going to be just great through life.