The Room

The Room

I hate going in there. That room. It fills me with dread and fear. I know I should really go in there but just the thought of it makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up. My skin crawls knowing that I can’t avoid it much longer.

Roger tells me I am just being silly, that I shouldn’t be lazy. That avoiding the room, I am avoiding the problem. That I should suck it up and just do it. But, again, I get the chills, the creeps just thinking about it.

Fine! I say aloud. I will do it this time! I will not be a coward. It is mind over matter! I am a strong person! My only weakness is that room. As I walk up to that room and start to turn the knob I feel my pulse start to quicken. Oh no! I thought. It’s happening again! My courage fails once again and I turn and leave as quickly as I can.

I head for the kitchen, the farthest room in the house. It is my sanctuary. The place I call safe. I know I should not use my weakness this way but it seems to be the only way to quell the tremors caused by my fear of that room.

As I sit at my table, drinking my cup of coffee, trying to calm my nerves, I started to get angry. I have overcome so many things- life, birth, and death. Yet, I can’t go into that room.

I hear the front door open and then close. Someone’s home. It must be the boys. I look at the clock and it reads 4:30pm. Another day wasted trying to go into that damn room. I get up and start making dinner.

The next morning.

I get up, make breakfast, and send my family off into the world. I finally sit down and the fear sinks in. I get up and start my daily cleaning ritual.

I usually finish my chores early in the day. The cleaning is pretty easy with a schedule. The only set back to having the cleanest house is that damn room. I can’t go into it. I might have if I was younger. But everyone knows that being youthful means being courageous but also very dumb. But of course they know no better.

I am getting better though. Yesterday I had my hand on the doorknob. That was the closest I’d gotten in a really long time. Despite the time I still can hear the whirling in that room. It is constant and never ending. I can still feel the heat blasting into my face. I haven’t been in that room for years.

I guess I had been standing in front of that door for a while. Before I knew it I heard the door open and close. I realize it must be Roger home for lunch.

This is it! I tell myself. No more beating around the bush! I have to do this! I’ve been hiding for years! I can’t be afraid any longer! I reached out and grabbed hold of the doorknob.

“Honey? Are you okay?” Roger called out to me as he reached the top of the stairs.

“Yes, I’m fine.” I turned the knob and opened the door.

The room was dusty and dark from lack of light and use. I flipped on the light and there it stood. The exercise bike, I haven't used in years. I will overcome! I thought to myself as I climbed on and started peddling. I won’t be afraid anymore.