Ode to the Soul Calibur II Girls

Late one Saturday night, I strode into the mall.
I had to get the game for me, I walked right through the halls.
I chose it out of many, not really, I just jest.
But when I found it finally, I knew I’d found the best

I joined the boards at GameFAQS,
I hoped for intelligent thought.
But all that seemed to fill the boards,
By all the people who’d bought,

Was discussions of their favorite chick,
“Who is the hottest?” They asked again.
I searched and searched, for just one smart man,
But as I found with every click,

They didn’t care about combo moves,
There was no sex in that.
They only cared about the biggest boobs,
Was I disappointed? You could say that.

But as I think it more and more,
I’ve found they’ve changed my mind.
I think not of the highest score,
But of the best behind.

There’s Talim, loved by teenagers,
And pedophiles, and such.
We’ve all seen her new pictures,
But her appeal has not changed much.

There’s Ivy, the dominatrix,
Or is she the president?
Perhaps she’ll be in the Matrix,
With more tighter clothes for rent.

Seung Mina, she’s one we agree on,
I’ve never heard a bad word.
Beer goggles you prob’ly won’t need on,
To appreciate this bird.

Xianghua, her name’s ne’er been spelled right,
But still, she’s in the ranks.
Typing it doesn’t make you seem bright,
So she’s stored in memory banks.

Cassandra, she’s an odd one,
She’s not the hottest one around.
But to play, she’s really not that fun,
More of a kitten than a hound.

Sophitia is her sister,
I think that she was lost.
I’ve heard Cassandra missed her,
But to retrieve her was quite a cost.

Well there you have it, I’ve named them all*.
Though I’ve still not got an answer.
Now I must go, I hear Maxi’s call,
He’s behind Ivy, and he’s gonna pants’er.

*Now before you flame,
“TAKI OMFG!”
Allow me to explain,
And then, I think you’ll see.

Taki is the one character
I still refuse to play.
I cannot stand to see her,
Especially with those things in the way.

She’s made for naught but an age group,
And, that age group be,
Teens, with brains like pea soup.
And that group does not hold me.

So if you hate my rhymes,
‘Cause you like Taki more, consider this;
While others were mentioned in but one rhyme,
Taki has been mentioned in four.