I Forgot My Coat

it’s cold outside
         and i forgot my coat
                   and my shoes
forget isn’t exactly the right word, maybe
but when i was wavering, biting my lip, deliberating
         and I heard the door slam
                   i decided there were more important things
                             to remember
                             and better things to forget

so i ran outside
         biting, shrieking, clutching wind
                   icy-lacy-clover frost patterns on the burning-cold bricks

my hair is whipping around my face in soft/hard tangles
         and i’m shivering
         as i call out for you
         the window panes look golden warm



you turn around
and i see myself in your confusion
wildly determined
a bit desperate
i’ve never been good at waiting

now you are looking at me
         inquisitive, but not entirely surprised
and i can’t really remember the speech i planned on the other side of the glass
i’m trying to be strong and brave and calm and stalwart and confident
but its hard
         i’m already shivering
         eyes watering
and i haven’t even started yet

and the words tumble out
in a hurt, shivering, questioning diatribe
childish and quivering
i say what i want to say

sort of maybe not really hardly at all




and its so cold I can hardly think
and then comes your reassurance
and i believe you

sort of maybe not really hardly at all

and its hard to see you through the ice
         a darkly glittering sheet that distorts your image
         and everything is out of place

i just gave you all my sharp things
and i don’t want to use my soft ones

and i am so cold i think i am going to die

we give each other
brittle smiles
and walk away

back inside



i wonder why i didn’t say all of the things i wanted to say, though
…i got a start
a beginning
better than nothing…

and i’m afraid
it was because

i was cold