Self Analytical Suicide

The impossibility of this apparent conclusion boggles me...
Spent so much time figuring where I was wrong
only to see that it's all empty inside
wrapped in wire, barbed and bloody
hidden behind walls, high, unclimbable.

spent so much time putting up these defenses
nothing can get close to me
push push push it all awayh
push push push them all away
alone;isolated;unmedicated and failing
any grasp of cohesive sanity slips
gears are missing links..
the machine is sputtering..

eventual collpase is imminant
followed by a cold steel kiss
roulette, ruskie style with
a snub nose 38

blam.
walls painted red.
chunks of brain...
mmmm skull fragments.