Ezzie

Twilight came with a cool breeze that caressed Ezzie’s wet body and lifted her damp curls. She slowed her pace and used one hand to scrape the hair from her neck. That was what running did to you, made you all sticky, stinky and sweaty. It didn’t do a damn bit of good either. It was just stupid. It was stupid for two reasons, one, he had a car so he’d have no trouble in catching her and two, you couldn’t run away from your life. You needed to deal with it, the choices you’d made. She didn’t want to though. Too hard.

Too damn depressing, was what it was, mostly because she didn’t really have it that bad. He had a job. He didn’t insist she hand over the money she made at the bookstore. He wasn’t controlling, didn’t expect her to do all the housework. He’d never had an affair that she knew about. So what if they never went anywhere. So what if he was happy being a clerk in the local grocery store. That he never said or did anything even remotely interesting wasn’t something you left someone for. Off in the morning by six, home by four, television, dinner, more television, with no deviation every damn night, wasn’t the worst life had to offer. She knew people who envied her.

She slowed to a walk, took a deep breath. The corn rustled in the wind. She glanced down and discovered the dust from the road clinging to her bare legs. Her shorts and shirt were sticking to her. A brief consideration of the sky, showed the brighter stars popping out. Night was coming on quick and there wasn’t anything to do but turn around and head back. She resisted. Her life wasn’t supposed to be like this. They were supposed to move away, go to school, become different people, not hometown yo-yos. She was going to have an interesting life with lots of exciting people. A life that involved exotic places, mystery and romance.

This morning when he’d left he’d kissed her. “What are you gonna do on your day off, baby?”

Same thing I do every day off. Nothing. It was so juvenile the way he called her baby. She’d loved it in high school, now it was embarrassing. Her stagnant life consumed her thoughts all day while she messed around in the kitchen, did a couple of loads of laundry, and watched her favorite soap opera. At four when the front door opened and he’d called out, she panicked. Before she was aware of making a conscious decision, she’d slammed through the back door, pounded down the steps, and raced down the long driveway. At the end of the caliche, she’d veered left onto the dirt road, the short cut to town. Not that it was her preferred destination just that she couldn’t think of anywhere else to go. Running flat out felt good. Somehow, it seemed right and reasonable. Now it just seemed futile, a doomed rebellion against mediocrity.

The roar of a car engine snapped her out of her musings. She turned around and watched it coming toward her, a cloud of dust obscuring the car. It was him. Who else would it be tearing down the road? She stopped walking to wait for him. She’d tell him, she decided. Tell him she hated him, that she was leaving and getting a better, more interesting life. The car slid to a stop, spraying gravel and dirt. The door swung open and he hauled his long lean frame out of the driver’s seat leaving the engine running.

“What the hell are you doing?”

Running away from my stupid life.

He started toward her, his boots crunching on the caliche. She took a quick step back and he halted. “You scared the crap out of me. I called you about a thousand times.” He paused, waiting for a response. She kept her mouth shut, her eyes radiating hatred of him and everything else. “You’re acting like a crazy woman, what the hell’s wrong with you?”

I hate you, my life, this town, need more. “Nothing’s wrong with me.”

“Well, that’s just a damn lie. You took off like you thought I was the devil.”

Sounds about right. “So what.”

“So, I was worried.”

“That’s why you took your own sweet time coming after me.”

“I didn’t think you’d try to run all the way to town. What was this, some kind of test to see if I love you enough to chase you down?”

Hardly, asshole. “Well if it was you just failed it, like you failed everything else.”

His mouth dropped open, and his words faltered. Clearly he’d never expected her to say that. “What are you talking about? How do you figure I’ve failed at everything? I have a job, a life, you.” He stopped. His eyes raked her over, then narrowed. “Are you having an affair, Ezzie? Someone at the bookstore.”

I wish I were. Life would suck a little less. “Hell, no.”

“Then what’s your problem?”

“I don’t have a problem.”

“Are you having some kind of woman crisis thing?”

“It’s not hormones, you jackass. That’s your answer for everything.”

“Then what, Ezzie. What crap is rattling around in your head now?”

“You wouldn’t understand.”

“How can I when you don’t explain it to me? Damn it girl, what do you want? For me to read your freaking mind?”


“I want to be somebody. I don’t want to be a country hick and live in my hometown. I hate it here. There’s no freaking opportunities. The cows are smarter than the people. I want something better, something exciting. I can’t raise my child here. It’ll be the same story all over again. There’s nothing here, nothing. We live in a farmhouse in a freaking cornfield. I’m not having a baby here, I’m not.” Her voice rose to a shriek before she burst into great heaving sobs.

There was a long silence, during which Ezzie twisted her hands in her shirt and cried. She didn’t try to cover her face but let the tears drip from her chin and snot run over her upper lip. She stared down at the road. “Ezzie.” His boots foretold his coming. Hands gripped her shoulders. “Ezzie,” he repeated his tone more insistent. “Are you telling me you’re pregnant?”

“That’s right, you stupid son of a bitch, I’m pregnant. Are you happy now?”

“You damn well better believe it.”

Ezzie lifted her eyes to see a crooked, self-satisfied grin spreading across his face. I don’t want you to be happy. I want you to be mad. “You’re a total ass.”

“You’re right baby, I am a total ass. I should’ve figured it out. I wasn’t paying attention. I’m sorry, baby.” He gathered her close against him letting her destroy his shirt with tears and mucous. One hand rubbed her back just the way she liked it. “Tell you what, I’ll apply for that manager’s position. Just have to be in it a year and then we can transfer to another town. Pick some place with culture and whatever you want. How does that sound? Like a plan? That’s what you want isn’t it? To feel like you’re getting somewhere?”

She nodded as the tears slowed. He picked her up and carried her around to the passenger’s door. It was comforting in a sort of manhandled way. This is just like you. Right when I’ve decided to hate you, you go and remind me of why I fell in love with you.

He settled her in the seat. “Tell you what, let’s go get cleaned up and then go into town to celebrate. How does Mom’s Best sound?”

“Better than Tucker’s Truck Stop.”

“If we went there, you wouldn’t have to clean up. Looking the way you do right now, you’d fit in no problem.”

“Shut up.”

He chuckled, slammed the door and walked around to the driver’s side. As soon as he was in the seat he leaned over and kissed her cheek. “I love you, baby.”

I love you too. “You’re still an ass.”

He grinned, put the car in gear, turned it around and headed home.