Second best

I've been at a loss for words many times before
but now it's either move on, or swallow my pride
I let my insecurities take control for too long
They've made me grow distant, caused me to lie

I've realized envy is not attractive in the least
its lead me astray, and brought so much guilt
I acted out in anger, often gave you no reason
grew something so beautiful then left it to wilt

It wasn't any fault of your own that we're here
I've asked questions and you hesitantly replied
I should've known it would bring out my worst
left me with a complacent facade to hide behind


I've wished to be the only one you've lived for
to have been the first to have held you close
but it seems I'm just the runner up this time
when you weren't enough for the one you chose

I've never before held weight of being second best
sometimes it seems too heavy a load for my heart
I cant stop the animosity from building each day
but its even harder to imagine us growing apart

I've often wondered whats so special about her
why every time you speak her name you look away
if this is fate or to you just the other choice
and if you ever wished that she would have stay