Sorry

*To Dane thank you for helping me find my calling.*

Sorry~ August 16th 2005

She didn’t know what to do; her heart was in pieces like his. Her words were selfish and ended in heartbreak, why did she say those things? How could she not have known what he thought about her and how he felt. Her eyes closed in disgust, his words flashing between her eye lids. She did know, but why had she taken his love and his care for granted. How could she ever win it back?

In the beginning life was good she had her occasional problem but after that passed she was well again. She wrote lots about her life on her journal. Never had she dreamed that she would find someone to listen or read her follies and that someone would write for her. She read all his stories listened to everything he had to say. She praised him on his work and felt tears fill her eyes as she watched the story he wrote for her unfold, his message being that true love will come and exist.

She lost touch with him and never really thought too much about it. She was busy, no that’s a lame excuse she was to afraid to find out that she cared about him so she pushed his thoughts aside. Months passed and she didn’t hear about him or from him. But who cared, she thought she didn’t. Later on a friend talked to her telling her he asked about her. Amazed she had no idea why he asked she hadn’t talked to him in so long.

In a quick attempt of gaining his friendship again she contacted him quickly. He remembered her instantly and their friendship grew quickly. She knew before long that she was falling in love with him head first and she couldn’t stop or delay any further. They wrote together about life and love and the pursuit of those in love. The tragic expense of a lover’s life lost and in this they came closer together to feel for each other in the ways of their characters or so she thought.

She had to leave though, and it hurt her so because she wouldn’t be able to continue to court him. She wouldn’t be able to continually read his letters and listen to his words. That’s when the selfish thoughts came over her and flooded her with jealously and the notion that he was to be with her and her only. She told him she loved him and told him that she cared. He humbly took her words and played them back in his own way to show her that he could maybe possibly feel the same way too.

Her time to leave came closer and she wished for him to keep in touch with her. She loved his words and she couldn’t see her self not reading them before she went to sleep at night. He told her no, that he couldn’t and that she should understand and see why. She couldn’t though, and it hurt her dearly. He didn’t trust her? He didn’t care about her? She cried and cried confused at his actions. She knew deep down that his intent was never to hurt her and even though she knew this she couldn’t stop the way she acted.

She threw accusations in his face, told him that she couldn’t believe he didn’t trust her and that she thought that he was better than that. He responded with hurt, surprised at the way she took these things, surprised that she could have thought of him in such a way. She felt his pain mingle with hers it was almost unbearable. She knew that she hurt him, although she’ll probably never know how much.

She stumbled upon one more writing of his and possibly read to much into the story, but if it was about her and the pain she caused them both she only wishes to end his suffering. Once more she puts her hand out for him to hold if he will ever look in her direction again. She will ask once for forgiveness and leave if he says so. Tears fill her eyes as she knows how much pain she can bring into someone’s life, never again will she take love for granted…..sorry…