New Life

A new life beckons me. It's right there within reach. All I have to do is take a couple more steps. I'm afraid. My past screams don't do it. My past remembers too many hurts. It won't let me forget the manipulation, betrayal, the broken trust. I was so convenient. There for the taking. I felt so small. I did what I could. None of them saw me cry. Not one. I locked myself up tight inside where no one could find me. I have tried to protect myself from any more hurt. I am my own worst enemy. I am tired of not living. My life is passing me by. Alongside my screaming past is his voice, always calm and kind, reassuring me that I can do it, I can take those last steps. They aren't my words yet, still his. Someday, maybe after I have repeated them in my head a thousand more times they will become mine. There are new people surrounding me, gently coaxing me out. I'm scared of new people. I want to run back to safety. But all that's there is loneliness. It's a toss-up, life or safety and loneliness. It depends on the day which I choose. I am beginning to choose life more often. Maybe someday my new life will be my safety. And maybe when that happens I won't be able to hear my past screaming anymore. On that day my past will be silent.