Longing for a Grandma's Touch

    Its been a year now I've lived without her touch, lived without her words and lived without her motivation. She's my most missed memory. My grandma was a beautiful person inside and out. Grandma never favored one grandchild over another. Each of us were beautiful in our on way to her dazzling, hazel eyes. She was the fire in my heart and here will never be a second that fire will burn out.
    Grandma always gave me useful advice to live by and taught me to always turn to God in a time of need. She has been sick for a couple of months, but being the strong woman she was, she never went to the doctor. She was always strong and has such a great spirit. Once grandma went to the doctor she was told the horrible news she was suffering from cancer and it was spreading. They began chemotherapy, but it was almost too late.
    Grandma battled well over a year with the overpowering disease. She was a fighter and fought until the end. That year my family never took a singly minute with her for granted. It's sad when it takes someone to get ill before you actually appreciate little moments in life and value the time spent with that person. Even if I wanted to, I couldn't forget that long November; the November that her life was departed from mine.
    When the cancer spread to her body she was put into the hospital for 19 days. The longest, absolute, days of my life. Watching her lay there, talking about the past, putting on an act as if nothing were wrong. As the days worsened I listened to her talk with no sense and it was the worst experience of my life. She always told us, "Don't you shed and tears, I'll be dancing with Jesus. You should be happy for me." Those last days in the hospital she still kept that beautiful smile on that glowing face.
    November 19, 2006 was the day my grandma left me. She left me all by myself, alone in this world. That Sunday mom calls us to come up to the hospital around 7:00 a.m. We walk into the room and its when I discover my grandmother laying there peacefully. She still looked beautiful, I kissed her bare head and said a prayer. My mama told her it was okay to let go, we would be alright. Grandma didn't want the fight to be over, but the battle was too strong.
    In my heart, I know she's still with me. She is still in my heart, my soul, my spirit, and my presence. At least everywhere I go, I know she's there. I may not be able to see her, but I will always know she is right by my side. I'm able now to make any decision I can in confidence knowing I have the most beautiful person I've ever met to lead me the way.