Zoran the Shorter Than Average Ninja

Zoran the Shorter Than Average Ninja
By Kyra Haas

         Zoran hunched over his lunch. It had been chicken fried rice, he thought, perhaps a couple of months ago. Then again, as something green wiggled in it, perhaps it had been a year.  He glanced enviously at the average ninjas and taller than average ninjas.  They were better known as ANs and TTANs, and they did not have last spring’s leftovers.  Oh no, they indulged in steaming hot rice (white and soft, not black and crunchy).  They ate freshly roasted chicken and drank the sweetest tea on the campus.
He pushed his ancient food aside and frowned at his friend Zeke, a fellow shorter than average ninja. “I can’t stand those stuck up gluttons! They stink of…” he paused dramatically before adding in a solemn whisper, “something very stinky!”
         Zeke nodded his little head in reply.  “They aren’t the nicest ninjas in the neighborhood, Boss,” he agreed as he worked his jaw on a piece of chicken.  “In fact,” he whispered, “they are not very nice at all.”
An average ninja at The Action Academy for the Average was 5ft. 7in. to 6ft. tall, and a taller than average ninja measured 6ft. to 6ft. 5in. tall. Anyone taller was sent to The Alacrity Academy for the Abnormally Advanced to train with the Grand Master of ninja, Sushi the Sagittary.  If you were shorter than 5ft. 7in. you were a Shorter Than Average Ninja, commonly called STANs.  STANs were regarded as the losers, the nerds those with the skills of a panda.  But there were exceptions to this stereotype.  STANs with serious skills that went unrecognized by headmaster, Sensei Aadi and the ninja society.  Zoran was one stuck in the overlooked STAN category, as was Zeke.
              The two misunderstood STANs strutted down the hall, short but proud. They were headed to the lake for water dart shooting practice, because the duty of a ninja was to protect one’s country, and anyone who was anyone knew that the best way to do that was to shoot water darts at the enemy.
         As they approached the main building’s exit, Abderus, a TTAN, pushed Zoran against the hard rock wall. “Out of my way, STAN!” he growled as he and his conceited gang of tall people pushed past a bewildered Zeke and a furious Zoran.
         Zoran brushed off his shoulder and muttered defiantly, “Today during water-darts, I will teach those  TTANs and ANs a much deserved lesson in humility. The STANs shall rise to the top!”
“Won’t we need a stepstool, Boss?” asked Zeke.
         “I didn’t mean rising to the top literally, Zeke,” groaned Zoran.
         “Oh, right. Sorry, Boss,” said Zeke obviously still confused.
         As they neared the lake, Zoran smiled confidently. “Observe, my dear Zekey,” murmured Zoran.
As the pair came to the clearing by the lake, Zoran grabbed and loaded a water dart gun and jumped on the highest rock in the area, standing above the ANs, TTANs, and Sensei Aadi, he shouted loudly.  “Attention!” No one turned to him and instead remained immersed in their ninja activities.
“EXCUSE ME!” screamed Zoran, irritated. 
              This time almost equally thirty irritated faces glowered at him. He smiled, and none of his confidence left him as he shouted, “I will now hit that target!”
         Everyone craned their necks to the horizon.  The target that Zoran pointed out with his water dart gun sat on a hill, a dot in the distance.
Abderus, the leader of the STAN mockers snickered loudly, “You wish, shrimp,” he laughed “I’ll bet you a month’s dirty dishes you’re off by at least 372 yards!” 
Zoran laughed lightheartedly with the TTANs. “We shall see, Abderus. We shall see.” As he turned to dive in the water, he paused once again. “I shall be taking you up on your most generous offer by the way, my dear comrade.” With a dramatic flourish of his arm, he dove into the lake.
Within a minute, a dart shot up out of the water into the air, as the bystanders stood in awe, it flew up an incredible two feet before plummeting back into the depths.
Everyone laughed. Abderus howled. Even Zeke stifled a snicker.  Zoran exited the water, humiliated.
“You, Zoran,” rasped the voice of Sensei Aadi, “are a real disappointment. Abderus, my dear boy, show this amateur how it’s done.” 
“With pleasure, Sensei,” replied Abderus. He picked up a water dart gun and proceeded to the lakeshore. As he passed Zoran, he whispered, “Good job, shrimp.  You exceeded my expectations.”  Smirking he pushed Zoran hard, causing him to fall back.
As Zoran fell back, Zeke caught him before he could land in the dirt. “That was a good try, Boss,” said Zeke with a small smile.
Zoran pushed him away and walked toward the tree of pink posies.  There he plopped down and scowled as he heard cheering coming from the lakeshore. “Show off!” he muttered.
“You, my friend, are pathetic,” said a voice.
“Who said that?” asked Zoran glancing around the seemingly empty countryside.
“I am Xax,” said the voice.
“Oh. My good fellow, Xax, show yourself, or I will karate kick you into next week.” Zoran raised his fists.
A turtle ambled slowly in front of him and stopped.
“That,” said the turtle “is unlikely.”
“A turtle!” exclaimed Zoran. “A turtle is talking to me!”
“Do I look like a panda to you?” asked the turtle.
“A sarcastic turtle is talking to me,” amended Zoran.
“Yes, O Highly Observant One, a sarcastic turtle named Xax.  A ninja Sensei turtle in fact.”
“I see,” said Zoran, attempting to mask his disbelief with imperturbability.
“I come with grave warning,” intoned the turtle. “The Pudding Cups are approaching.”
“NO WAY!” shouted Zoran in jumping to his feet, “Not the Pudding Cups!”
The Pudding Cups were not actually tasty treats but an evil group of ninjas. They were all  at least 6ft. tall and were said to be faster than wireless internet, more powerful than a peppermint cappuccino, and able to leap skyscrapers in a single bound.  They were code named Pudding Cups for no apparent reason because they were not at all squishy and delicious, but rather shady and malicious.
“I must warn Sensei Aadi!” exclaimed Zoran.
“No, you must not,” growled the turtle, if in fact turtles could growl. “For the PCs wish to conquer and will be waiting for someone tall to attempt an attack.  No, you must inform only your fellow STANs”
Zoran laughed out loud. “My good turtle!” he chortled. “Zeke, the others, and I are the bottom of the heap, the green stuff in the back of the refrigerator, the pulp in the orange juice. You gotta be kidding me”
“I am not, “replied the turtle, and he was gone. 
Zoran stood in awkward silence. “You didn’t say goodbye,” he called out. “Some ninja you are.” As the words hung in the air, it became obvious he now alone and Zoran headed, quickly, to the cabin he and the other STANs shared.
Sitting on his bunk, he ordered attention. After clearing his throat, he began. “Gather together, my little minions, so that we might make plans for the battle of the dynasty.”
“Uh, the STANs, Boss?” asked Zeke who just discovered a rubber band and was snapping it between his fingers.
“Yes, my dear Zekey,” replied Zoran. “The STANs.  Now my good fellows, we all know of the Pudding Cups.”
“The squishy and delicious ones, Boss?” interrupted Zeke, still snapping the rubber band.
“No, Zeke, the shady and malicious ones,” answered Zoran hardly above a whisper. Zoran then explained his experience with the turtle to his now-captivated audience. “There will be an invasion, and we will stop them!” he concluded.
“Whatever you say, Boss,” Zeke squeaked, wide-eyed, rubber band now forgotten. The group whispered amongst themselves, planning their defenses.    It was two in the morning that night when the lookout informed the group of the PC’s arrival. The STANs were ready, but the ANs, TTANs and Sensei Aadi remained asleep, oblivious to the silently approaching danger.  The STANs were mustered and the battle began.
The Pudding Cups, despite their fearsome skills, did not know how to stop these enemies. All their battle techniques were designed to defeat tall men, not short STANs. Their arrows flew harmlessly over the heads of the fearless STANs.  The PCs were nearly defeated.
  Then Zoran and the troupe heard a new battle cry the distinct shout of Abderus the TTAN. His men; however, did not look prepared. They were not wearing their battle clothes, but with their pjs and night caps. Abderus, fast as a gazelle in his Superman pajamas, ran at the obvious leader of the PCs. The PC laughed maliciously. With a heavy blow to the head, Abderus lay unconscious at the villain’s feet.
Zoran sucked in his breath as ANs and TTANs fell right and left. To his surprise, he noticed most of the STANs were unharmed. This gave him confidence that seemed to enhance his fighting skills. With considerably accurate strikes, he cleared the area of all the PCs except the one who had defeated Abderus. 
Then, all of a sudden, Zoran was upon the leader of the PC pack.  Right before striking the deathblow, Zoran whispered to his foe, “I now see why you are called pudding cups. You are devoured by mere children.”
A new ninja Sensei was named that day, a Sensei who stood only 5ft. 2in., a Sensei named Zoran. The new leader of the STANs was now Zeke, and under their leadership, the STANs swiftly became models of the ninja society. And Abderus? He applied his skills as the official dishwasher at The Action Academy for the Average.