Crush

Two words was all it took to change my life. It took two words to break my heart. Two words to make my world collapse. Two words to make me feel alone.

"Charlotte died."

My brain couldn't wrap itself around the concept. The only girl I knew who represented the very meaning of happiness, gone? It was unthinkable. I was frozen in shock, doing my very best not to believe it. I stared at my mom, waiting for her to burst out laughing and tell me that this is all one huge misunderstanding and that Charlotte was actually on her way over and we could laugh and talk again.

Instead of finding comic relief in my mom's eyes, I found tears welling up, spilling over her cheeks. "She drowned at Tanya's birthday party. The water was so cold. She never came up," she whispered. I collapsed into her, sobbing like a little kid. I gave strangled cries of disbelief, not caring what I looked like, what I sounded like.

"I want to go home." I moaned. My mom nodded in silent agreement as she loaded me into the car. As she walked back to the house to get my stepdad, I let myself really cry. I cried so hard and made all the noise I wanted. I pounded my head against the seat, repeating her name over and over. I wept and wept, trying to get it all out before I was joined by my parents for the hour- long car ride home.

By the time my mom climbed into the back seat with me, I was hyperventilating. All I could think about was how much I missed her, how much I was hurting. Never once did I ever imagine the heartbreak her family was experiencing. I never imagined the impact this would have on my school, on my friends, on my town, and on me.

Eventually I realized I didn't have to be alone. I called my best friends, who were all gathered together, and we simply cried into the phone as one, not even attempting to talk. When I arrived at my friend Amy's house, my legs were shaky and I felt like the simple trip there had taken weeks to travel.

As I shuffled down her driveway, I was immediately enveloped by the arms of my best friends. I felt the tears streaming down their faces, the sorrow emitting from their broken hearts, and the assurance that we would get through this whole ordeal. Together.