The Exaggerator

The Exaggerator

From the darkest depths of a land condemned, a land void of dimension and colour, comes a man brave enough to look Medusa in the eye - or stupid enough - depending on how you look at it. A man whose imagination knows no boundaries. A man so dexterous with mind and matter, he can turn a common garden worm into a deadly boa constrictor, a man with one hand in his pocket and the other one giving a high five, a man called……The Exaggerator.

Late one night, after knocking back 36 pints of beer and ten double vodka’s, the exaggerator decided he would take a late night stroll to see a girl he knew. You might think in your naive and innocent brains, that any man who had just taken part in such wanton destruction of his own liver, would be in no shape for a booty call. You are wrong; in fact, he wasn’t even drunk.

He looked carefully through his Iphone for numbers, he had to be careful because the iphone was expensive, 1000 dollars. Again, you might be thinking to yourself - naively - how did someone spend 1000 dollars on an iphone when apple don’t even make a 1000 dollar iphone? Here is your mistake: Apple do make 1000 dollar iphone’s but they’re special and only certain people can get their hands on them.

He contemplated calling the girl who looked like Beyonce only with bigger tits and longer legs, but reasoned that although it was the best sex he had ever had, she was a bit clingy and got tired out to early in the night. He decided instead he would call the girl who looked like Scarlet Johansonn, the major deciding factor being the fact that she was a triplet, and all three sisters liked to fuck men together, so they just about satisfied the exaggerator’s unparalleled libido.

He was forced to leave the girls place earlier than he had hoped after the neighbours called the cops, believing that the three girls had been attacked. In truth, it was merely the sound of the triplets incessant orgasms that had awoken the neighbours.

One skill, that over time the exaggerator had definitely honed to perfection, was the false modesty approach, for instance, when describing his fleet of luxury automobiles, he would just list them in an off hand manner as if it were normal for one man to have 3 ferraris and a BMW, people never realized that he secretly considered himself to be better than them because of this, the false modesty approach had them all fooled.

Our man made his way through his fully furnished town house apartment, the heated flooring warming the soles of his feet. As he headed for the bathroom, he caught a strange reflection in an antique mirror - a mirror that had previously belonged to Columbian drug kingpin, Pablo Escobar - he looked again at his reflection and couldn’t help noticing that he bore a striking resemblance to another man from the condemned land, a man named : The lying bastard.

D.A.Cook