AWOL

"Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good." This was the story of my life, from kindergarten, when I discovered my talent to raise groundhogs until I received my Ph.D. in groundhog psychology. Like the boy named Sue, the sneers and jokes at my lifetime pursuit made me what I am today; the first and only woman member of the Inner Circle.

One does not simply walk into the Inner Circle. Only a member could issue an invitation, and a woman never made the list. It took me some convincing to do, and the threat of a public challenge on Oprah's show swayed the council to grudgingly approve my membership. Eventually, the Inner Circle saw my fellowship not as a disgrace but as a blessing since my groundhog handling skills kept the reminder of the Circle members scratch free. Handling groundhogs requires skill and knowledge. Why, even Bill Murray was bitten twice on the set of the "Groundhog Day."

Today was the day to crown my lifelong work. It was my first Groundhog Day as the member of the Inner Circle, and the council entrusted me Phil, the groundhog.

In preparation, I had a pep talk with him last night; however, I didn't want to stress him before the big day so I only found out what I suspected all along.

"Those pompous hats don't understand a word of what I say." Phil said or rather gestured his frustration.

"That's why only thirty-nine percent of your predictions are accurate?"
I think understanding the concept of thirty-nine percent taxed him a good deal since he blew up in a flurry of pellets.

"My predictions are always accurate. The hats are reading them wrong."

"It's ok Phil; I'll read the prediction tomorrow, and I promise I would not make mistakes."

He curled up in his wooden cage at the library and went to sleep. It appeared that my promise appeased him.

Then why, today, of all days was he missing? His cage was empty, and I felt the panic creeping slowly up my back. Just when I dismissed the last tall tale I brewed for the Inner Circle and was ready to confess my failure, I heard the speakers blurting an announcement.

"Your attention please! There are reports of wild animals near the camp. For your safety, please return to the parking area, and a police officer would guide you to the exit."

This was my escape route. I'd go back to the library and if Phil wasn't there, I would take a veterinarian and a couple of people to help search for him. I run to the parking lot and jumped into the car. As I closed the door, I heard a loud cry.

"Run! The bear, it's a bear, and it's coming for us."

I didn't wait for the rest; I pushed the acceleration and in fifteen minutes I was at the library.

There, Phil rested comfortably in his wooden cage. He didn't even flinch at the deep scowl on my face. 

"What happened, Phil? There's one day a year you must perform."

Phil backed in his cage and watched me warily with his brown eyes.

"It's a long story."

I made myself comfortable in the chair and crossed my arms over my chest.

"I have all the time in the world."

Phil sighed.
"We were a few animals around the world responsible  for this groundhog day business. The real reason we have to do this is because Brigit and Eostre forever quarrel."

I raised a brow over my scowl, and Phil rushed to explain.
"You know, Brigit, the one with fiery hair, who has one side of her face ugly and the other comely? "

I blinked and nodded. I'd play his game for now.
"And Eostre?"

Phil snorted.
"Oh Eostre, she shows up at dawn, on the clefts of rocks and the mountains, clothed all in white. There's a bunch of groupies who follow her around.

My frown persisted, so Phil continued.

"They quarrel because each wants to decide when the spring starts; usually each chooses her festival day; Brigit's on February second and Eostre's on the spring equinox."

My fingers started tapping the table of their own accord.

"So you're telling me you know Brigit and Eostre...."

Phil answered matter-of-factly.

"Yeah, for about... five thousand years? What? Don't tell me you didn't know about the elixir."

I spent a lifetime studying groundhogs, of course I knew about the elixir. Only I thought it was as real as the pompous hats' reading of Phil's proclamation.

"Yeah, the elixir is real. I have no idea how the Circle found about it. Let's get back to Brigit and Eostre. Every year, one of us would set up a contest for them. The winner of the contest would then start the spring. So see, my predictions are always accurate."

I decided to hear this nonsense until the end. The insight into why Phil missed his big day was important.

"This year was no different. For the contest, I asked them to write a story about their favorite subject, the spring. I spent all last night listening to the stories and judging."

I felt full of compassion. My fingers stopped tapping, and I am sure my frown dissolved. I smiled, and Phil moved closer to me.  I patted his back and whispered.

"You fell asleep from exhaustion, little fellow."

Phil looked at me bewildered.

"Not at all, a sleepless night would never stop me from giving the prediction"

My frown returned, and I had to remind myself to stop tapping every half minute.

It was Phil's turn to look at me with compassion. A groundhog looking with compassion was quite a sight. He then gestured in resignation.

"The sole problem was that I couldn't decide which story was better, so I asked another animal to deliver the prediction for this year.

That's when I sent the bear!"