Red

I tried to scream
But I couldn’t open my mouth
So I drew a picture of us instead.
I tried to feel
But I couldn’t open my heart
So I scribbled my picture red.

Because that’s the color you and me
And that’s the color of my skin
That’s the color of my blood
The color of my sin.

Red is the sound that comes out of my mouth
When I have no words left to say
Red is the smell of my distress
The smell of my pain.

Red is my dizziness and my imperfections
It’s the taste of my disgust
Red is my revolt at who I am
It’s the color of my missing guts

And oh dear god I don’t have any guts!

And they tell me not to panic but I’m panicking now
And my panic is drenched in red
And my vision is red and my tongue is red
And when I close my eyes there’s bloody red
And I’m swimming in it
No! Drowning in it
I’m drowning in all this red

I’m trying to scream
But I’m screaming red
And I’m trying to feel
But I’m feeling red
So I drew a picture of you and me
And I colored it in red

Because that’s the color of my anger
And that’s the color of my dread
That’s the color of my blind rage
And that’s the color red.