pigs

I leaned in and looked my audience in the eyes. I could tell they were getting restless. A restless crowd in a bar was not a good thing. My mentor could testify to that gods rest his soul.

"let me tell you a story, from way back before I met you fine folk at this bar ... It's about one of my darker days. You know the ones we all have where the very direction of our life could go either way. The dark shadowy path less traveled or the one that sticks to the light where things are crisp, clear and sure. Unfortunately when my moment came the very world teetered on the brink and I a farmer of less than heroic stature stood and contemplated my doom.

The day started just like any other I woke to the loathsome noise of my pigs grunting a squealing already hungry from the day's slop and the sun was nary peeking over the horizon. Grumbling to nobody in particular I pulled on my leathers and my least smelly shirt. If I had been awake or cared I would have noticed the sudden silence that fell over the animals. In truth all I could hear was the swishing of grass around my feet. Head down I continued to feed those miserable beasts when a bright light blinded me. A wave of dizziness washed over me and I felt the bucket scrape my leg as it fell." I paused for effect and took a swallow of my own ale. My audience had grown by two and the rest were startin' to lean in. I decided to ease their curiosity.

"My vision slowly cleared and I felt cold stone under my bare feet. After a moment the spots in my vision began to fade. The colors going from white to yellow and red then gone. It would have been pretty if I had not been scared out of my wits. With my vision cleared I became aware of a titanic battle raging outside the castle walls. Animal instinct reared it's ugly head and I turned turned to flee. My race to safety halted when when I ran smack dab into the largest man I have ever seen. I had to lean my body back to see his massive head framed by long hair and beard. His silver armor positively glowed. I mean shiny! A warmth radiated off of him and enveloped me. I could feel my spirit settle as I started to relax. A sound came from behind like the click of claws on stone and the flap of wings. I turned to see what made the noise. Gods! It made my innards turn cold. A devilish looking being with skin of blood and horns my god the horns. Did I mention the smell. No well let me tell you, lord he stank to high heaven! Then to make matters worse a screechin' noise pierced my ears and the thing doubled over. The sound was horrible. It was a mixture of fingernails on a blackboard and my sow birthin' a new litter. To this day it gave me nightmares."

"What in the seven hells is going on here?! This is not my shire! Where my home!" I shout mimicking what I said that fateful day. I smile to myself as the remaining patrons become part of my audience.

"What did they wan't?!" voices call from the back of audience. In response I just pat the air with my hand. Being eager to please they quiet down and let me return to my story.

My new host regarded me long and hard. My fear grew as the silence drew out. Finally the glowing man spoke.

"Our people" He said in a booming voice nodding towards his hideous companion. "Have been at war for many many eons. I have seen destruction on scales that dwarfs everything in your small existence. It is now your world turn to be threatened by our conflict. We are hear to offer you a choice. By your choice you can avoid the destruction I have seen in my immortal life." My mind felt as if a squirrel was playing with my last few nuts. In spite of my fragile mind he continued.

"If you choose the light we will grant your people knowledge spanning worlds and lift your culture to new heights. If you choose the dark. Well..." He sighed and nodded to his companion. My head was spinning. I turned to the devilish creature and forced myself to look upon it. I was unprepared for what it said next.

"You may ask one and only one question before you choose. Ask wisely and choose wisely human." It grimaced as it spoke as if the very act caused it pain.

I lowered my head and thought, and thought some more. The last time I thought this hard was when I was doin' my studies in front of the teachin' lady many years ago. Try as I might only one question popped into my sluggish mind.
"Do you like pigs..."

As always may audience laughs at this causing their leathery wings to flutter. At least I think it is a laugh. In honesty it sounds more like a screech. Thanks god it does not bother me as much as it did years ago. They disperse claws clicking on the floor and I return to wiping dirty glasses. When I look up I see a young one has stayed behind.
"Mister. What are pigs?"