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Rated: E · Short Story · Comedy · #2265864
Dr. D.I.Y. has discovered a cure for writer's cramp, or has he? Consider his findings.
          Dr. D.I.Y., or Dr. Diagnose-it-yourself has researched the phenomenon known as writer's cramp for an exhausting twenty years. In that considerable time he has wrung his hands which only exacerbated his pain and prolonged his suffering. In manic sessions, he scribbled and scrawled, pushing himself to ignore the stiffness in his hands. He almost came to believe that his illegible handwriting came at the cost of being a medical professional. Everyone accepted this. Were vowels really that important in deciphering messages? Clenching his teeth and his assorted pens, this dedicated troubleshooter sought to discover a cure, an end to this worldwide affliction.
         His breakthrough occurred as he struggled to navigate the keyboard of his computer. While tippy-tapping he noticed his hands ached less and rarely spasmed. Could this correlate to less stress and pressure upon his digits? Had he stumbled upon a solution? The eureka moment burst forth in clapping, high-fiving and air punches.
         Of course, the solution stunned him with its simplicity. The key had to be exercise. Is that not the fundamental core of everything? Use it, or lose it. Train those cramping, complaining muscles to withstand the rigours of marathon pen manipulation.
         Consulting the all-knowing internet, D.I.Y. studied tried and true exercise regimes. Weight-lifting stood out as a result oriented activity. He embarked upon his experiment with relish.
         He supposed that a heavier than normal pen would build much needed muscle mass. Hefting, toting and pushing through frequent word sprints became his new routine.
         To supplement this, he also incorporated regular nutrient breaks into his schedule reasoning that hoisting a weighted fork could be nothing but beneficial. This type of repetition never ceased to please him. No need to count his efforts.
         He did not dismiss the considerable bulk of fluids either. His handy athletes required steady hydration and in a win-win they raised many a vessel of water.
         To improve the dexterity of his fingers, D.I.Y. directed them to dance, stretch, and slide across his keyboard. Hoping to improve their circulation, he shouted out football drills.
         "Up. Down. Right. Left. Shoulders in. Chin up. Breathe."
         Of course, exercise is not the solution, the way of life for everyone. Writer's cramp does respond to a few other practical applications.
         Consider taking up sign language and relinquish the physicality of handwriting. Your hands cannot cramp if they are not forced to produce words on a page. In this manner, you may both dictate and enact your story.
         Yes, why not dictate your creativity to someone not afflicted by writer's cramp. Investigate oral story-telling.
         Get a grip, a better, looser grip of your favourite pen. Try not to clench , or crush it. Yes, heavy-handedness demands a price.
         Have you ever practised meditation, or mindfulness? Relaxation can lessen stress and anxiety. Give your hands a much needed break.
         Many writers scribble and scrawl in an effort to keep pace with their exploding word fragments. Recording, or taping that rush, that charge permits the fingers to decipher at their own pace.
         Now, did Dr. D.I.Y. encounter any side effects? Are their repercussions to hand-building boot camp?
         Not surprisingly, his muscular hands outgrew their old wardrobe. Residing in a snow climate, he needed warm gear. He weathered this setback by learning to knit not only creating cozy mittens, but introducing his paws to another strengthening activity. It blossomed into an obsession and he now supplements his writing income with knitted hats, scarves and sweaters. He named his offerings 'Crampster Gear'.
         Unfortunately, the doctor's hands no longer fit into his pockets and momentarily forgetting this is cause for some distress and embarrassment when he struggles to extricate his car keys. To remedy this, he has begun to gird himself with a regrettable fanny pack.
         Is it truly a side effect to compulsively squeeze and squish a stress ball?
         Is a compulsion to study and replicate calligraphy a side effect?
         As with all self-improvement schemes, Dr. D.I.Y. is fully committed and determined to continue with his ground-breaking research.
( 664 words )
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