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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/view_item/item_id/2274193-Complaint-Department
Rated: E · Fiction · Comedy · #2274193
Daily Flash Fiction - 6/3/22 - W/C 298


I work at a retail store. In the returns department. We’ve had a few complaints recently about a new product that just reached the shelves. This product has guaranteed results. But those results aren’t the ones this manufacturer guarantees. It clearly states on the package: ‘Grow thicker, fuller hair in thirty days or return for a full refund!’

For example, today a woman brings in this tube called “Hair Gone No More”. It cost $59.95 for a tube of .30 oz. I snickered as I rung up that return.

When asked the reason, she stated, “It worked, I got hair everywhere. My face, my hands, my feet. But the hair on my head all fell off. But my bald husband is still bald. Piece of crap company. Those crazy sisters on TV should be ashamed of themselves for pushing this.” I think I know who she means, but didn’t want to listen to more of her rant. $59.95 returned.

Another customer later in the day brings another tube of that wonder cream. “I need a refund. ‘Hair Gone No More’ my fat Aunt Mary. This stuff gave me acne and made all MY hair fall out.” Sure enough, face like a pizza and alopecia. Bad combination for someone in their teens. Credit? Seems the receipt was for cash. Lots of dough for a kid. Gladly refunded.

A few weeks went by before another customer brought me another tube. Now this one was almost gone. But it hadn’t been thirty days, so he was entitled to a full refund. No questions asked. He, also, had a story.

“This potion from Satan’s pit’s of hell burned my scalp like fire!”

“Well, not to be nosy or anything, but why did you keep using it?”

“Didn’t the label say thirty days?”

W/C 298

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