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Rated: E · Fiction · Dark · #2279592
I did this for a friend who loves Gwar.
Gwar Must Escape
By Shadowgate
Gwar was just wrapping up a tour in Southern France when they went flying over a southern town in France. They blasted Saddam-A-Go-Go from their airplane and laughed.
The new singer Blothar looked down on the southern France Town. He said "oh there's a small town of Gypsies."
Beefcake the Mighty said "oh well the slaughter of Gypsies should not be too hard plus it might be fun."
All the GWAR members laughed. They said "let's wrap up this motherfucking tour and harvest the ground with red blood."
GWAR started jamming. They ordered their pilot to land in the small southern Gypsy town of France. This town hadn't been persecuted since Hitler himself had invaded France. The band simply documented the historical information and continued jamming.
Bone Snapper asked Pustulus Maiximus "hey Pustulus why do you love to suck so many dicks? You even like the dicks of males who are as young as 12?"
Pustulus replied "hey Bone if you keep asking me dumb fucking questions like that you'll find out your last big lesson in life. What does it feel like to be strangled to death?"
Blothar said "guys this is not the time for any Goddamn Tom Foolery. Let's land and wipe out the land."
When the plane landed Jizmak channeled lightning to wipe out 100 Gypsies.
Pustulus strangled a 12 year old boy and a 9 year old girl to death.
A plague of aids that was contagious created by GWAR was unleashed and killed 200 by wiping out their immune systems in no time. They died of pneumonia.
In 45 minutes the Gypsy town in southern France, population of 950 now 0 was wiped out.
The band cheered and danced.
Pustulus Maximus started playing his guitar. Soon his guitar started malfunctioning.
Sleazy Martini yelled "what's the fucking problem?"
Pustulus answered "I don't fucking know Goddamn it!"
The entity comes down and everyone is frozen, even the wind.
"You fucking brutes! You murdered a whole town of people that worshipped me."
Blothar said "oh shit this could be the end of us not only as a band but our very lives as well."
The entity laughed loud and said "yes indeed I sentence all eight of you to death. You shall die in a realm."
A typhoon wind came down and the members of GWAR went spinning.
The band found themselves trapped in a realm.
They heard the voice of the angry entity again.
"If you fools can't escape the poison gas you will die!"
Bone Snapper said "okay everyone we have to think."
Beefcake the Mighty said "what is this a fucking school classroom?"
Bone Snapper answered "this isn't a fucking school pop quiz this shit is real. Sometimes when we kill a group of people there are other people that get really pissed off. But we never saw shit like this coming so now we face the challenge where our lives are on the line."
Balsac the Jaws of Death said "well then let's use our brains and figure out how to get out of this fucking gas chamber."
Jizmak Da Gusha asked "have you got any bright ideas?"
Balsac replied "I say pick the first door on the left."
Jizmak said "what the hell" and he tried it. After they entered the door they went into the next room.
They saw two doors. One door had a red star and the other door was completely red.
Bone Snapper said "let's choose the all red door."
Balsac said "no, no, no, dumb ass don't ever pick the red one. Pick the door with the star on it."
Bone Snapper said "well excuse me motherfucker!"
They opened the door with the star on it and got free. The entity was pissed off. Gwar laughed and jumped down off the ledge of the realm and took off running through the ghost town.
They saw a boy on a bicycle riding by and Blothar shot him just to get him out of the way. Then they continued to run.
They would never be captured by the entity.
The End

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