Fate to the Flames

(draft from my ongoing novel)

-

“What is your problem?” Jade asks, visibly annoyed.

Alec turns around, ire written on his face. “My problem? What’s your problem, Jade? I’m not the one sneaking around like you did last night!”

Realization flashes across Jade’s features for a moment, but it vanishes just as fast as it had appeared, replaced by composure. “That’s none of your business.”
He clenches his jaw, fists balling at his sides. “So what? You think you can just haul up other guys left and right? After what happened between us?”

“It was a mistake!” Jade cries. “Our parents, they wouldn’t allow this.” Her voice breaks and she tries to look anywhere else than Alec's dark eyes, her own burning with unshed tears.
He takes a few steps forward, wanting nothing more than to pull her in his arms and let her stay there forever.

Even though forever doesn’t exist, he loves that there is a word for it anyway.

“Jade,” he whispers, reaching out an arm in her direction. When she doesn’t move away, he grabs her arms with his hands and motions her to look at him. She slowly raises her head, dark hair falling in curtains around her face.

Alec leans down to look her in the eyes, glassy and vulnerable.
“We can leave,” he says softly. “We could go somewhere far away from this place. Just you and me. Away from our parents, away from everyone.”

She sighs, her expression uncertain. Alec can almost hear the thoughts in her head simply from the look on her face. Before she can utter a word, he speaks again.
“Please Jade, before you say no. Just think about it. Please.” he adds in a hushed whisper, his voice almost breaking.

Jade shuts her eyes tightly. Feeling her emotions pour all over her at once in waves, she doubts she can keep her head over the surface for much longer without drowning.

“I can’t,” she finally whispers, not able to look Alec in the eye anymore. A suffocating silence dawns over them, and Jade takes a deep breath, mentally preparing herself for her next words.
“I won’t,” she finally utters, pulling away from his grasp while wiping away a lone tear that had managed to escape.

Alec lets his arms fall hopelessly to his sides. Her words hurt, they leave a hollow ache in his chest and his heart feels heavy, like a rock thrown in an ocean.
“Why not? Because of your parents? They can’t control you forever, Jade!”

“It’s not just that!” she snaps. “I shouldn’t have kissed you, it was wrong.” The emotions once showing on her face have vanished, her features now sharp and eyes cold. “I was taught to hate you growing up, and that isn’t going to change because we were drunk and stupid one night.”

Alec straightens his back. “If you hated me so much, why’d you do it?”
“It just happened,” Jade grits out. “You saw me with other guys too, like you said. They meant nothing, and so do you.”

He falters slightly, and if she notices, she doesn’t show it.
“Anyway, it doesn’t matter. I’m leaving tomorrow,” she continues. “My parents and I, and we’re not coming back.”
Alec freezes. “What?”
“We’re leaving,” she repeats, face blank. “They have work in Seattle and I’m taking over the company after they retire. We’re needed there.”

His demeanor completely breaks and he looks at her with wide eyes. She had arrived at his doorstep wanting to talk, a day after they had shared a kiss in the middle of a club dance floor. Afterwards, he had lost her in the sea of people, only to find her outside a mere thirty minutes later, lips locked with someone else’s. And now she’s here, having just dropped a bomb on him that she’s moving over 2 000 miles away, where he can’t follow.

Alec feels as if the world has shifted on its axis, leaving him dizzy and unbalanced. The idea of Jade leaving, possibly forever, is unbearable.

“You can’t leave,” he says, voice strained. “What about us?”

“There is no us, Alec,” Jade says, her tone final. “There never was.”

His heart aches at her words, but he refuses to believe them. He steps closer to her, pleading silently with his eyes. “Please, Jade. Don’t go.”

She looks at him for a moment, her expression softening slightly. “I have to,” she says, almost in a whisper. “I’m sorry.”

He swallows. “So that’s it? After tomorrow you’ll be gone for good, and we’re just supposed to forget each other?”

“It’s for the best,” she replies. “It was never going to work out anyway.”

“Why not?” he almost yells. “Because our parents said so? Are we just supposed to live in their shadows for the rest of our lives?”

“That’s not the only reason!”

“Then what? What other reason is there?”

“I don’t love you, Alec!”

The room goes quiet. Alec looks at her, panting, wondering if he heard her right. “What?”
“I don’t love you,” Jade says again, taking a step towards him. “I never have. Last night, it was a drunken mistake. Forget about it, move on.” He stares at her, he doesn’t know what else to do. Her words snake around his body and tighten suffocatingly around it. Her bright green irises stare back at him, and he searches in them for something, anything that can expose that what she just said isn't true.

He shakes his head. “Then why did you kiss me? Why did you come here tonight?”

“I don’t know,” she admits, looking down at her feet. “Maybe I just wanted to see you again.”

Alec furrows his brows. “That’s not fair,” he says. “You-you can’t come here, tell me you don’t love me and then say that you wanted to see me again. Don’t you realize how-how stupid that sounds?”

“Alec-”

“No! Just go, please.” he says, turning away from her.

They’re silent for a long time. If Alec still couldn’t smell her perfume, he’d think he was alone. At last, Jade sighs deeply and starts walking towards the door. Her heels echo against the wooden floors, and before she walks out, she turns around once more.

“I’m sorry,” she whispers.

Then, the door slams closed.
Alec just keeps standing there, trying to make out the distant echo of her walking away, steps fading the longer he listens. He wants to follow her, beg her to stay, but he doesn’t move. His feet feel glued to the ground and even if he could reach her, it wouldn’t matter. He heard what she said, she doesn’t love him.
In some way, she’s right. Maybe it is better this way.

—

As Alec had not expected to find Jade on his doorstep at 9 PM on a Saturday, he had also not expected to find himself in the very same club as the night before, an hour later. He doesn’t know why he’s there, but he knows that he couldn’t stay home after that, not with Jade’s confining words still hanging in the air. He just wants to forget. Forget her, forget the kiss, forget his feelings. Jade has made it clear that that’s what she wants, too.

The music is loud, expectedly so. The air is hot, with the dance floor packed and dozens of bodies colliding together, Alec’s whole body is on fire. He sits at the bar, a bottle in hand as he watches the flashing lights reflect around the room. It’s possibly his third drink of the night, maybe fourth, he doesn’t bother keeping count anymore. He lets the alcohol cloud his mind, washing away the earlier events of the night.
He has been eyeing the crowd for a while, possibly searching for someone to bring home with him. He doesn’t care who, honestly, just someone he can let his feelings out on. Just so he can forget everything, even if it’s only for one night.

He turns to face the bar once again, fingers tapping lightly on the almost empty bottle in his hands. He sees movement in the corner of his eye, and when he turns his head to the side he spots a woman sitting a few seats away, not even trying to hide the way she’s eyeing him. She lifts up her glass with perfectly manicured fingers and brings it to her red lips, her eyes never leaving his. After she puts it down, she smiles slightly, head tilting in a silent question. Alec only lifts an eyebrow in response, ignoring whatever voice it is shouting in the back of his head telling him to leave.
The simple gesture seems to be enough of a green light for her, for in the next moment she has risen from her seat and is making her way over to him. He puts his drink down and lets his eyes scan over the curves of her body, the dip of her hips visible through the red dress she’s wearing, clinging onto her skin tightly. Once she’s close enough, he takes note of the birthmark above her upper lip and the dimple forming on her cheek from the smile she’s wearing. She leans in closer, letting her mouth ghost over the shell of his ear.

He can make out a faint “wanna dance?” through the loud beat of the music. Alec nods and lets her take his hand and drag him over to the dance floor. Once in the middle, she lets go of his hand to rest her own on his shoulders instead, and he automatically grips onto her waist. She’s good at this, he can tell, by the way her hips move in rhythm to the music. Alec lets her take the lead, drowning out the rest of the world as he stares into her dark brown eyes, drawing their bodies impossibly closer.

He doesn't even have the decency to ask for her name, but feels that he doesn’t really care as the world seems to slow down around them when he sees her eyes flicker down to his lips. The movement is quick, but he catches it anyway and finds himself doing the same. He doesn’t know who leans in first, but in the next moment their lips meet and he can taste her lipstick on his tongue. Their lips move against each other almost perfectly, and even though it doesn't feel completely right, with the way her hands are now raking through his hair and the feeling of their tongues further deepening the kiss, he decides that it can be a problem for the future Alec to handle.

-

Alec startles awake, the bright light of the sun immediately making him regret opening his eyes. Shutting them with a groan, he rolls over to cover his face with a pillow. A pillow that isn’t his, he realizes, once the overwhelming throb of his head has dissipated a bit. He sits up slowly, eyes squinting as they try to get used to the brightness of his surroundings. He can make out the scattered articles of his clothes on the floor, but otherwise he doesn’t recognize where he is.

His eyes dart to the movement he feels on his left, and the memories from the past night flood his brain when he sees the shape of the woman he had gone home with. He closes his eyes and lets out a sigh, silently cursing at himself before quietly slipping out of bed to put on his clothes. He hastily does the buttons of his shirt before pulling on his pants and locating his phone on the bedside table. He sloppily attempts to make his side of the bed before turning towards the door with the rest of his things. It makes a slight creak when he opens it and he flinches, but the woman is a solid rock and doesn’t stir and he takes it as his cue to leave.

It feels inadequate to just go unnoticed, and Alec considers leaving behind a note before heading out the door. But what would I even say?
He can’t leave his number, he doesn’t want to. Not when the clear image of Jade is just a thought away. His hand is still for another moment on the door handle, until he pulls the door open and leaves the apartment before he has time to change his mind.

-

The sun has started to set, painting streaks of yellow, orange and pinks across the sky. A breeze runs through Alec’s hair, spreading a nice chill on his otherwise warm skin. It’s quiet, the only sounds to be heard were the ocean waves crashing ashore and the distant sound of traffic from the faraway city, its buildings standing tall over the skyline. He stands upon a grass hill overlooking the water, accompanied by no one but his thoughts.

His hangover is almost gone, reduced to only a dull but bearable ache in his head. His entire day has been spent in his home, sulking in the depth of his own bottled up thoughts until he had finally managed to get up and go to the only place that could confine them. Even if only just a little bit.

He had taken Jade here once. It was a place they could go when the busy streets of Atlanta were too much to handle, and it quickly became their spot. It was also where Alec first realized he was in love, the memories they shared filling him to the brim, invisible to the naked eye but wrapped closely around his heart.

Suddenly, an all too familiar voice breaks the silence. “Thought I’d find you here.”

Alec’s eyes go wide and he almost gives himself a whiplash from the speed in which he turns around. In front of him stands the living and breathing form of Jade, smiling at him instead of walking the grounds of a city thousands of miles away, where he thought she’d be by now.

“What…” his voice trails off, and he clears his throat awkwardly before trying again. “What uh, what are you doing here?”
She slowly walks towards him, only stopping when their faces are a sheer breath apart. “I couldn’t leave without saying goodbye.”
“I thought yesterday was quite enough for you,” he spits out before he has time to think.
Jade winces at his tone and he immediately regrets it.

“Sorry,” he says hastily, and Jade dismisses him with a wave of her hand. “Don’t be, I deserve that. Kinda had it coming.” She smiles at him, the corners of her lips lifting upwards turning her eyes into crescent moons. Alec melts at the sight, warmth dripping through him like molten honey, and he can’t help but smile back.

Though the moment only lasts a second when Jade’s smile vanishes, replaced by solemnity. Before he can utter a word, she speaks.
“I have to go soon, but I couldn’t leave without telling you first. That I… I do love you, Alec.”

He looks at her, eyebrows furrowing in confusion. “What?” is all he can muster out in a hoarse whisper.
Jade looks at him fondly. “I love you,” she says again, softly, and the words float into the open air, settling around them in a blanket of emotions.

It feels like the world has stopped spinning. He opens his mouth to speak, but no words come out. He doesn’t know what to say, though a million questions echo inside his head.
Jade senses his predicament and places her hands on the sides of his face, connecting their foreheads in an attempt to calm him down.

“I was scared of what would happen if I told you the truth,” she clarifies. Alec has unwittingly placed his hands around her wrists, his eyes are closed, and Jade finds herself doing the same. “Leaving you, saying those things, that was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do in my life.” She opens her eyes again, and finds Alec's dark ones already looking back. She smiles sadly and runs a hand through his black hair, and her touch sends sparks through his body.

“I wanted to tell you. So many times but I let fear take over the things I felt for you. But I knew that if I left without telling you, I’d regret it for the rest of my life.”
A tear finally rolls down Alec’s cheek, and she wipes it away with the pad of her thumb, feeling her own eyes get blurry.

He reaches out and carefully cups her face in his palm, feeling the soft skin under his fingertips. The sun is almost fully set by now, splitting the sky at the seams and spilling gold all over the horizon and over Jade's face, making it glow. She’s beautiful. Alec doesn’t want her to go, he can’t bear to lose her a second time. Not when he finally has her, in his arms where she should always be.

He can feel his energy draining and doesn’t have it in him to keep the tears from falling. As he begins to shake, Jade pulls him into her arms, resting her head on his shoulder. She’s crying too, holding him so tightly as if he’ll disappear if she lets go just a little.

“Hey,” she whispers, voice breaking. “Under the same moon, right?”
Alec screws his eyes shut and nods, holding her impossibly closer to his body, feeling as if he could melt away from the warmth of her touch.

They stay in each others’ arms for what’s probably mere minutes, but feels like forever. Finally, Jade pulls away, their noses brushing. Before either of them can utter a word, she connects their lips. He startles for just a second, before he kisses her back with the same intensity, savouring the taste of her lips as they seem to fit so perfectly on his own. It feels intoxicating, like he can taste the love he feels on his tongue, and the flavour derives from heaven itself, angels spilling pleasure all over him in the form of the woman on his lips.

He’s still in a haze after they part, and he can feel Jade’s thumb softly stroking his cheekbone. Panting, he opens his eyes and sees her smiling tenderly, as if he’s the most precious thing in the world.
“I love you,” he whispers.
“I love you,” she says, “don’t ever forget that.”

Suddenly she pulls away completely and a chill goes through his body as she steps back, taking all her warmth with her. He tries to reach for her hand, but she easily slips through his fingers as he watches her walk away once more.
This time though, she turns around, and Alec wishes upon all stars that she’ll change her mind and come back to him.
“Goodbye, Alec,” she whispers instead, and looks at him one last time before turning around again, taking his soul with her.