snarling cup of coffee birthday gift

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         Salmon Rubinstein was thinking about what to get his best friend from first grade, Sam Lee, as a birthday present for his 50th birthday. One day, in the original Peet's Coffee on Walnut and Vine, he saw a promotional brochure. Enter the contest and win a lifetime supply of Peets coffee, one pound delivered per week to your house and two cups in any Peets store worldwide they will feature the winning entry in the Peets website, newsletter, FB, and Twitter postings for a year as well. You could opt to gift your winnings to a friend or relative or use them for yourself.

         To enter the contest, you simply had to write a story or poem about the best cup of coffee you ever had. He dusted off his” Snarling Cup of Coffee” poem and marked that if he won the contest, he would donate his winning to his best friend as a birthday gift.

         Salmon and his best friend used to go to Peet Coffee in high school when they were in their teens, and for many years celebrated their birthdays by having a cup of Peet coffee together. They both lived and worked in Berkeley. Salmon worked for the Cosmos Institute as a paranormal researcher. Sam was an actor, based in Berkeley. Sam would be in town for his big 50. Sam checked the brochure and realized if he won, he would get the prize in time.

         He submitted his entry.


         I like to start my day with a hot cup of coffee.
I pound down the coffee.

         The first thing I do every day is the dawning sun.
Lights up my lonesome room.

Yeah, but not just a simple cup of java Joe, but a God damn snarling sarcastic smarmy cup of coffee.

I mean, - we are talking about an alcoholic, all speed ahead, always hot, always fresh, always there when I need it, angry, attitude talk to the hand Ztude, bad, bad assed, beats breaking, beatnik, bluesy, bitter, bitchy, bombs away, capitalistic, caffeinated up the ass, cinematic, communistic, Colombian grown, Costa Rican inspired, Cowabunga to the max, crazy assed, devilishly angelic, divine, divinely inspired, dyslexic, epic, extreme vetting, evil eye, never meh, never cold, not approved by the CIA, NOT DECAF coffee, not your Denny’s truck driver weak as brown water cup of fake coffee, not your establishment friendly cup of coffee, Not your FBI coffee, Not FAKE Herbal coffee substitute, but a real cup of coffee, not your farmer brothers dinner crap, not your Starbucks average expensive overpriced crappy corporate chain cup of coffee, Not White House approved, not State Department safe, nuclear, operatic, Peets’s coffee approved, paranoid, politically aware, rapping, rhyming, sadistic, sarcastic, sassy, silly, sexy, smarmy, smelly, smooth, snarky, snarling, symphonic, Wagnerian, wicked, with nutmeg and cinnamon swirls, with a hint of stevia, with a hint of vanilla, with a hint of rum, with a hint of whiskey, with a hint of cherry, with a hint of fruit overtones, Soulful as a summer’s night in MOTOWN-James Brown approved, TOP approved, Berkeley approved, the coffee that Jimi Hendrix drank before he died, the coffee that Elvis drank on his last breakfast, the coffee that Barry White crooned as he drank his cup of coffee – and the coffee that made the white boy play stand up and play that funky music, the coffee that made Johnny B. Goode play his guitar, and made Jonny bet the devil his soul after he drank his morning cup of righteous coffee and the coffee that make the Rolling Stones Rock and Roll, the coffee your mother warned you against drinking, the coffee that Napoleon drank when he became the Emperor of all Europe, , Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, wild, weird, wonderful, WOW, Yabba dabba doo! Yada Yada yada Zappa’s favorite cup of cosmic coffee, Good to the last drop rolled into one simple cup of hot coffee.

         As I pound down that first cup of coffee
And fire up my synaptic nerve endings with endless supplies.
Of caffeine induced neuron enhancing chemicals

         I face the dawning day with trepidation and mind-numbing fear.
I turn on the TV and watch the smarmy newscasters in their perfect hair.
Lying through their teeth about the great success the government is having
following the great leader's latest pronouncements.

         I want to scream and shoot the
TV and run outside shouting.

         “Stop the world.

         I want to get off this crazy planet."

         The earth does not care a whit about my attitude.
It merely shrugs and moves around the Sun.
In its appointed daily run

         And I sat down.
The madness dissipates a bit.

         And enjoy my second cup.
Of heaven and hell
In my morning cup of Joe

         Much to his delight, he won the contest. He arranged for the coffee to be delivered to his friend’s house on his friend’s birthday at 6 pm during the party.

         He and his friends were sitting down to dinner when the delivery man came by with the first week’s worth of coffee and certificates for the year. Peet Coffee would renew it yearly and be good for a lifetime supply of Peet’s coffee.

         Salmon gave the coffee and certificate to his best friend and said to the guests,

         Sam and I disagree about a lot of things, including the best cup of coffee. I like it fully loaded, and he likes it straight black. But we agree that Peets coffee is the best coffee and Berkeley is the mecca for coffee lovers.

         Enjoy buddy.

         Sam was speechless, took the coffee and brewed it up black of course, and fueled by Peet’s coffee, the party lasted until dawn, when after seeing the sunrise at Inspiration Point, they went to Peet Coffee for his first cup of free coffee.

         He told Salmon.

         “Thanks, that was the best birthday gift ever”.

         The posted poem went viral. They continued the Peets coffee birthday ritual for the next 30 years.