Addiction(from Lady's perspective)

I cannot lie and say I've never struggled with addiction
If I were to say that, then this piece would be mostly fiction
I found pleasure in things where my loneliness could reside
And then eventually it became a place where my being could hide

"My being," as in someone I thought wouldn't be enough
Someone I thought would be too fragile in a world that forces a person to be tough
Someone that is content in her solitude, and didn't need to be in love
But that feeling of contentment was what I felt I had to get rid of

Because what teenage girl doesn't want to have a lover?
A person that would sweep me off of my feet and love me forever?
Why.. that sounds like a dream come true! Don't you think?
Except when I couldn't find that love.. my hope began to shrink

Person after person, things seemed to be stagnant
I had turned my whole heart of love into a fragment
I felt no other choice but to turn to something else
And at least this would make me feel something that I hadn't felt

Except, now, I was doing this every single day
And for years it had seemed to stay that way
Until I had realized that I felt like I couldn't stop

I was the audience of a play
My loneliness as the actor
and my addiction as my prop

"What is the meaning of this?" I began to ask myself
Because eventually this began to ruin my mental health
I realized that this lonely ache in my heart could possibly have a "cure"
And that there was a lot of self love that I'd have to endure

"How will this heal your ache for true love?"
Well that was the problem there, I am not unloved
Love is all around me, in the food I eat and the people I know
So I needed to make some room for the seed of solitude to re-grow

Solitude in knowing that I was never truly alone
And that there was nothing wrong with being on my own
I go with the flow of life, rather than waiting around for it
And that solitude had grew back into me, bit by bit.


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This poem isn't perfect and isn't intended for critique so I don't expect comments on it regarding it. I don't plan on entirely spilling my mind on here, so this poem is written in a way where I can let out my feelings and still be comfortable with how much the audience knows. Thank you for reading this and if you've had similar experiences or sympathize with this piece and would like to leave a comment, feel free :)