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Rated: 13+ · Fiction · Animal · #2314454
Warning from a goldfish

"Excuse me?"


"I just fed you Fantastic Fish Flakes. If I give you anymore you'll explode, George."

"No me, food. You food."

"Me? Um, yeah. About to have the steak and potatoes the wife made before she went shopping...are you rolling your eyes at me?"

"Yes. Man stupid."

"My name is Steve, not Man. You've known me for two years, George. We've been over this again and again and again—"

"Steve stupid."

"Thank you. I mean, what? Why would you say such a mean thing after I've taken such good care of you?"

"Steve food. Yuck. Flush Steve to Great River in Sky."

"Like I said, steak and potatoes."


"Are you...are you saying there's something wrong with my food?"


"But...but how?"


"C'mon, that's just laughable. Sharon and I are happily married. I'm starting to think you're delusional."

"Food! Death! Food! Death! Foo—"

"Look, I'll prove it to you. I'll give some of this beautiful steak to the dog and prove you're wrong. Shame to waste it, but if it'll get you to shut up...I'll be darned."


"Don't sound so smug. Buster was a good dog. I feel awful about killing him."


"You're right. I didn't kill him, Sharon did. Well, looks like I owe you my life, George. And I guess I'll have to figure out what to do about Sharon."


"Hmmm. What's your idea?"

Who Dun It?

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