Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/view_item/item_id/2314467-Survival
by Sumojo
Rated: E · Fiction · Comedy · #2314467
Fred the goldfish lives to tell a story
Prompt: You discover your goldfish can talk
463 words

“Oh, lord, no!”

I thought I was a goner..

“What the…”

Don’t stand there gaping. You look like I feel. Put me back in the bowl!

“I must be going crazy.”

Phew, that was a close call.

“I can’t believe I’m talking to a fish.”

Well, there you go. You think I just swim around that bowl all day?

“Er, yes.”

You’re wrong. I do have a life you know? Glue, glug. Give me time to recover.

“What happened, anyway. Did you try to kill yourself?”

No, it was that bloody cat.


Yes, I’ve been trying to get your attention for weeks now.
“I’m sorry, one doesn’t normally expect a fish to interact with a person, you know.”

Obviously. You should have noticed Twiddles eyeing me up.

“Yes, we thought it was cute when we saw her watching you swimming. Like a cat television.”

Don’t laugh! I’m not here to keep a cat amused..

“Oh, I feel really bad for you. I’m sorry.”.

So you should be. That cat wants to eat me!

“She was probably just playing with you.”

Playing? Look here on my fin.

“I can’t see anything.”

She dug her claw into me and dragged me out of the water, on to the floor.

“You poor fella.”

Yes, and she just sat and watched me flip and flap, attempting to launch myself back into the bowl. I’m just a plaything for your damn cat and a no-one to the rest of the family.

“That’s not true, Fred, you’ve been with us for five years. We’re very fond of you.”

Ok, if you say so. But now I’ve got your attention, can we get a few things out in the open.

“Yes, of course. What can I do to improve your lot in life?”

The calibre of the food for one thing. It’s been going down hill recently.


Yes. I think your wife has been cutting corners, buying the inferior brand. Trying to save money I’d suspect.

“I’ll take it up with her. Anything else?”

Yes. The décor. Don’t you think it’s time I had new furnishings?

“Er? What’s wrong with the galleon and treasure chest?”

It’s very corny and old hat. Can’t you get a little more inventive?

“What would you like. A shark?”

Now, there’s no need for sarcasm. Actually, I was thinking along the lines of a companion.

“Ooh, now I see! Getting a little frisky, hey?”

Look here, mate. I’ve been so bored stuck in here for five years on my own! I’ve even learnt English, and a smattering of French when the kid was doing her homework. Don’t you think I deserve a friend?

“Of course you do. I was only joking, Fred. Now tell me your sexual preferences.”

Now we’re talking. Listen carefully…

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