We Stand Accused

"All rise," said the bailiff.
It was a sunny day in Miami Dade county, and the people were ready for justice. The suspect, Cupertino Day, was a construction worker from the Philippines who had come to America with his family twenty years prior. Learning how to survive as both an immigrant and the son of an immigrant, he quickly made his way up through the levels until reaching the point of being middle-class. In a country where most people lived below the poverty line, he had been able to live a life of relative easy and comfort.
All of that changed after the accusation, however. Day had lost his job, his wife and kids, even his side business was taken away. Surviving at a homeless shelter in Miami Dade County, for the past few weeks, he'd used the last of his savings to bail himself out of jail.
"Bring in the accused," said the judge.
The door opened, and in walked Day. He had chains on both arms and legs and he shuffled his way in, unable to travel like a normal human. He went to his seat and stood next to his attorney and waited for the judge to speak.
"Mister Cupertino Day," said the judge. "You stand accused of looking at a woman's butt cheek with lust in your heart. How do you plead?"
"Not guilty."
"Call the witnesses in."
The witnesses were then called in to testify. There were multiple men and women, around twelve in total, who had seen the incident and reported their findings to the police. They were sworn in and then they judge had them speak one at a time under the direction of the federal prosecutor.
"Did you see this man on the day in question?"
"Yes."
"This man? Can you point to him?"
"Yes, that man over there. I'll never forget a face. And those eyes. Devil's eyes."
"What was that man doing?"
"Well, he was looking at something."
"What was he looking at?"
"A woman's butt."
"Thank you."
After all of the witnesses were heard, then came the time for Day to speak. He was cross-examined by the prosecutor.
"Did you look at that woman's butt?"
"Yes."
"So you're guilty?"
"No."
"You say that you've committed this crime, and yet you're not guilty? How is that?"
"The woman had a piece of salad on her butt."
"What?"
"The woman had a piece of salad on her butt. I was going to tell her, but then I got tackled by the police."
"How convenient."
"Yes, for me at least."
The judge heard all the arguments and the jury deliberated for hours. After two days of deliberations, the verdict was ready.
"How do you find in this case, mister juror?"
"We find the defendant guilty on all charges."
The judge sentenced Day to 13 years in prison and two years of parole.
As Day sat in his jail a week later, contemplating his fate, he thought about all of his grand schemes.